Roses and Scones

One of my closest and longest friends came for a visit this weekend. She had not been to my house for about 10 years. Seems mad but it's true.
So what did we do??

Well this might make you laugh........
We baked scones together.



Yup that was our highlight and believe me there was a few to chose from!

Not only were they fantastic, but the process in how we got there, covered everything about why we had become and still remain friends.

We love the same things
We have the same values
We appreciate each others strengths
We mock each others deficiencies
We listen to each others ideas
We want to learn from each others experiences
We allow the other to take the lead when they are most passionate
We allow ourselves to be wrong
We don't care about how we come across - we just are our raw selves
We appreciate the good of life
We are grateful


and all that in making a batch of scones.

There is a lot to be said about growing up together and knowing where each other has come from.
And this weekend my girls got to enjoy a part of that. And how they enjoyed it.

The roses were bought whilst shopping for the ingredients, but the roses are special in ways beyond the flower.



Friends are magic as are roses.

Domesticity rocks

A cake in the oven, washing on the line, peeling potatoes and listening to Morning Glory by Oasis on a CD! Heaven!

I like this life.

This life of domesticity. 

I look out of the freshly cleaned windows and enjoy the garden.

Could I do this longer? Absolutely.

Much longer? Possibly.

I think I could.

So what would I miss?

The high heels and nice dresses. The coffee chats and office gossip.

The feeling of being someone, beyond wife and mother.

The deadlines and presentations.

The interviews and decisions.

Could I trade it in?

Right now I say yes.

But could I really.

Probably not.

I am good in the office, navigating the political playground and helping decisions be made in the benefit of the people. 

So whilst I enjoy the final few days, I dream a little of another life, but it is a dream. One that I enjoy right now and know it is just a dream. Well for now at least.

Crossed wires

Today I was exchanging emails in a way that I do everyday.

The speed at which we do this somethings is crazy, we believe our responses are thoughtful, but really how much thought goes into a 3 minute reply?

Well today I blasted one email off and immediately I got a response which took me aback.

I had seemingly offended my dear colleague, it read like I had incorrectly paraphrased some of her work and as a consequence she was angry with me. She was pointing out that the information she had shared had been just for my eyes and although I had changed some of the wording and made it look less critical, it seems that she had felt misrepresented.

Oh my! This had not been my intention. My intent had been to share her work and give her credit for it, the wordsmithing had been done so that I had some skin in the game and was meant to build on her good insights.

I tried to respond. I typed. I deleted. I retyped. I deleted. I tried different words. I deleted. And I thought for a while. It then came to me. Just call her. Sounds obvious, well maybe, but it took me a while.

We have a good relationship and she would know my intentions were good.

So I cautiously dialled her number and waited.

I hadn't planned what I was going to say, but an apology was the best place to start.

After the apology, she sounded perplexed. Why are you are sorry she said. It was me who should have been more careful. Eh??????

It quickly became clear that there was cross wires. She was not at all angry with me, but rather she had wanted to express that if she had known that I was going to use her work for, she would have reworded it, so that I didnt have to.

Agh!!!!!

So we had a good laugh and it was done.

But it made me think about how often we have cross wires in life. How often do we miscommunicate? How often are we misunderstood? How often do we misunderstand?

Yet how often do we find out that that is what happened?

How often do we invest the time and effort to uncover the meaning behind it all?

We operate at record speed and there is very little time for thought and debrief.

So maybe a little more pause is needed and a breath in between read and reply just to ensure that a little reflection is present in our work.

Does not seem much to ask does it?

Oozing happiness

Sometimes as a parent you do things right. Many times as a parent you do things wrong.

Allow me to indulge on one thing that we did right.

Over the weekend, I saw my eldest daughter beam in a way I have not seen her do before. The smile came from the bottom of her soul. The happiness that she felt, came out of her pores, the sheer pleasure she was feeling was written on every inch of her body. It was one of the moments I will remember forever.

It actually was a spontaneous moment that easily could not have happened. However it did happen, and it happened with me. 

How we get to the moment is actually quite a long story, which was actually more planful and deliberate, yet in its own way it also emerged. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin.

Back in Autumn last year, we were staying in a hotel with activities. One of the kiddie activities was horseriding. Well I say horseriding, but if you paid 5 euros, your child could plod around a piece of land a few times on the back of a pony. I am not a horsey type, I have no experience with animals at all really, thus I am not naturally drawn to such activities, that said I am not averse.

So off we went, plod plod plod. At one point I was asked to steer the horse, which I miserably failed at. I had absolutely no authority and the horse subsequently had zero respect for me. Oh well. However my eldest daughter stepped in, and the horse obliged. Aha!

This made my daughter very happy and gave her a nice confidence boost for the next few days.

The horsey interest had now been awakened. There was now an interest in horse books, looking at horses in fields and asking for lessons. One of my colleagues, who knows a little about some of the obstacles my daughter faces, encouraged me to pursue this interest of hers, saying that it could possibly be something my child needed and would ulimately benefit from. Mmmmm. 

So for Christmas, we organized her a voucher for two lessons, the first one on Thursday 8th Jan. She was thrilled when she opened that gift, really thrilled. However that is not the "happy" moment I am talking about.

Over the weekend, we went for a walk. We decided it would be good motivation to say we were going to walk to the stables. On the way, we ended up losing the husband and the youngest daughter to a luring coffee at a friends. So the two of us headed out alone, up the hill in our wellies.

The timing of our visit could not have been better. There was no one around, except the owners of the stables, who were mucking out and feeding the horses. We asked if we could have a look at the horses and it seems like they were welcoming the interruption. 

They introduced her to the riding hall, each of the twenty horses, showed her the one she would be learning on, allowed her to feed it, answered all her questions and generally made us feel very welcome.  My daughter was in her element, truly exploding with happiness. She could not believe that she was allowed to enter this new world. This new world of beautiful animals and interesting smells.

Her happiness radiated, her excitment was bubbling over and her sheer being was glowing.

Whatever will come of this, who knows. And honestly I don't mind. But I do know that I will encourage her to explore and keep at it, and if she keep just a little of that feeling for the future, she will have found a hobby with purpose and meaning.

So happy we had this moment together and so happy for her to uncover this new world.

                                     

Taking stock

After 15 years marriage, I figured it was time to take stock.

So whilst on our weekend away in small village in the Black Forest, we decided (well I kind of did) that it was good idea for us to discuss the 15 events that have shaped our marriage and of course our relationship.

It took us the whole of our nine course meal (yup - that was indulgent!) to come up with a list that we felt good about and that was representative of our years together.

We did not focus just on the good stuff, like fun holidays etc, we agreed that even sad events had a place on the list, as the way in which we deal with adversity or mak decisions as a couple, says everything about how are as a couple.

It was great to spend time on this, it was lovely to hear that we were both very proud of each other. To hear that we both felt we had space to do what we need to do and that we both felt understood by the other.

We consciosuly steered clear of offering each other feedback on what we could do better, as the night was all about the good stuff, the gratitude and the appreciation.

So maybe it did take us 15 years to do something like this, but lets say it was worth the wait.

Do you ever take stock in such a structured way?

What do you think the benefits are?

Are there any downsides to such discussions?

Do share.........

Seasons

I have posted before about my love of seasons, and each time I experience a new season arriving, it gives me many sensations and emotions.

There is something about observing a visual change in your environment to cause you to take stock.

Although it is mid November, today I noticed Autumn. For the first time.

Of course I have been donning the winter coats already and moving the sandals into the cellar, but actually feeling the change of season happened today. In the forest in our village.

It was impossible not to stop and be affected by the leaves, the colours and the sheer beauty of my surroundings.

Have you noticed the arrival of Autumn? Have you felt it? Have you embraced it?

Its gorgeous out there, go see!

The repair of the world

Tikkum olam is Hebrew for healing or repairing the world.

And whilst speaking to a good colleague, she told me how she had come across these beautiful words whilst praying with her sister.

 

In our short exchange I learned about her religion and her beliefs and also that in Hebrew, God is not written in its fullest form, but G-d.

 

Bizarre as it may sounds, this reminded me of Harry Potter and the fact that noone says Voldemorts name out loud.

 

Anyway, here are the words she shared.

 

 

Tikkum olam

 

If you see what needs to be repaired and how to repair it,
then you have found a piece of the world that G-d has left for you to complete.  
But if you only see what is wrong and what is ugly in the world,
then it is you yourself that needs repair. 

 Menanchem Schneerson

Hope you enjoyed this too.

Make the ordinary come alive

Fridays are my alopecia days.

I have instilled a discipline that on Fridays, my blog is always about hair, or lack of it.

However the last few weeks things have been on their head a little and today, I am chosing not to blog about alopecia.

Instead, I will post a few words about a man to whom today, we are saying our goodbyes.

He was a man who taught his son all of the things mentioned below and the one that stands out the most is the line about the touch of a hand. How this father, always took his sons hand and held on to it, during dinner, whilst watching TV or just so.  This touch always caught my breathe, in its tenderness and in its simplicity.  It will always stay with me, beautifully.

Enjoy the words...........

Advice from a tree

I cannot claim any of these words as mine, however I love this!!!!

Advice from a tree
Stand tall and proud
Go out on a limb
Remember your roots
Drink plenty of water
Be content with your natural beauty
Enjoy the view


So everyone out there, go do what a tree does and let me know how it works for you!!!!

Beautiful words (but will they last into teenage years)

As I was putting my little one to bed, she said:

"Mummy you are the best mummy in the world"

then she paused and said:

"and Daddy is the best Daddy in the world too".

Thats nice I said, why do you say that, I asked.

"Two reasons" she said.

"The first, you are kind."

"The second, you let me do what I want".

Golden eh?

I loved the fact that she appreciated these facts.

So I had a moment of feeling good....................

Then I began wondering.  Mmmmmmmmmmm.

I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that I let her sleep in the clothes she wanted to wear for school the next day!!!! 

I guess everything!!!

Well she is only 7!

Without music, life would be a mistake

I love listening to music. Each time I do, I realise that I don't do it enough.
Music really evokes emotions in me, that otherwise remain dormant.

I often find myself thinking the craziest of things whilst listening to music. I come up with creative and quite possibly unrealistic ideas to the beat of Muse or the Beautiful South. Rhythm and harmony clearly access something in me that nothing else reaches.

Also piano music brings me out in goose bumps. I find it so moving to listen to. It really shakes up my insides and makes me more aware of myself.

One of my friends is quite an accomplished piano player and whilst staying with her (and her adorable family) at the seaside, she played to us. It was amazing and I was so touched by the magic of her fingers on the ivory keys. It really was a beautiful sound. I could have listened to her playing for hours, it really was quite something.

As someone with little to no musical talent or rhythm, I am deeply impressed by the discipline and dedication it takes to get to a good level, or in fact any level, of music playing.

Friedrich Nietzsche was reported to have said
"Without music, life would be a mistake"

A bit dramatic, but I get what he is saying.

Does music do the same to you? How do you ensure your get music into your life?

Seeking.......sunflowers

As I was walking down the bottom of the garden last night, harvesting the tomatoes, I turned my head and saw these beauties.

Standing tall and strong and seemingly sprouting from nowhere.  These radiant flowers had not been planted consciously. At least not by me.

What a lovely surprise. They had clearly been there for weeks now, but today I saw them in all their glory, for the first time. It was like they had just popped up to pass on a message.

I am not really a flower person, so much so that my boyfriend (now husband) bought me a cauliflower for valentines day once, as he said her knew I would enjoy food more than flowers!!! So he got me both - cauli - FLOWER!!! I knew then that I had to marry him :-)

Anyway......sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers. They are beautiful, last a long time and are very clever.  They turn their heads to face the sun.  They know what they need to grow and they are able to move their heads to ensure they get maximum exposure to the sun rays, to get their needs met. Not bad for a flower. Tournesol, is the the French name, which literally means, turn to the sun.  I like that name.

In Greek mythology, the sunflower is the symbol of Clytie, a water nymph, who turns into a sunflower after grieving the loss of her love, Apollo. The mythological symbolism is that Clytie is always facing the sun, looking for Apollo to return.  A sad tale, but one we can relate to.

In Chinese symbolism, the sunflower simply means a symbol of happiness. The yellow meaning vitality and intelligence. Yep I get that.

Whatever the story or belief, sunflowers are unusual flowers. Striking and tall. Bright and smiley.

On my way to work today, I saw them everywhere. In gardens, in vases, on paintings. All looking at me wishing me a nice day.

Today I send sunflowers to you all.

An abundance of them. Bright and yellow. And I know they will all be sending you little messages too!

The rain, my friend

The rain is very loud. 

The pouring is incessant. 

Yet it is tranquil and reassuring. 

It is weather. Beautiful weather.  

It is uncontrollable and in control. 

It pushes us to hide, yet we chose not to. 

Instead we build a tarpaulin shelter, to huddle under.

It brings us together. It forces closeness and nearness. 

We don't need it, but we gladly take it. 

It brings joy and laughter. It causes us to run. To be fast. 

And suddenly it subsides. There is stillness where there was pounding. 

There are rain drops where there were showers. 

There is blue sky, where there was grey. 

Goodbye my friend. Come back soon.

You have been good to us.

It won't be long, but we will equally enjoy your absence. 

Location: Anglesey, North Wales, Yurt 1. 

Simple pleasures

Having a coffee on a high street in the Peak District is a simple pleasure, yet nothing about getting here was. Yet in this quiet moment of indulgence, it's nothing other than simple. 

The burst tyre, the car sickness, the winding roads, it all pails into insignificance and the coffee tastes divine. 

Mid England is glorious. It's hilly, green and filled with tea shops.  There is little space for the chains here it's all "Star cafe" or "Ethel's teas". I love that they still thrive. 

The ice cream van selling whippy ice cream with flakes and strawberry juice is always within minutes. The taste is the same as it was thirty years ago. 

This is England at its best. It steeped in tradition and glory. 

Liking it? We're loving it. 

Home? Well at least for me. 

They allow me to be a Mother

Yesterday was Mothers Day in many parts of the world.
Last year I did a tribute to some of the Mothers I know. See here.

This year I want to pay tribute to the two little people who allow me to have the title "Mother".

Daughter One - age 11 - goes under many names including Noodles, Munchkin or Lililoops
The things that I love the most about her are:

She is kind
She is resilient
She knows how to get what she needs
She asks pertinent and very interesting questions
She is very capable and independent
She can amuse herself for hours, playing school or hotel reception
She never ever gives up, when others would
She will give anything a try
She swims like a fish
She is not mean or unkind to anyone and doesn't understand why others are

Daughter Two - age 6 - goes under many names including Pumpkin, Fiafoops or Poopsie
The things that I love the most about her are:

She shares all her things
She likes climbing trees
She takes pleasure in beautiful things including laying her clothes on the floor the night before so creatively and perfectly
She laughs at silly things
She eats fruit and vegetables in masses
She enjoys being read to and going to sleep at night
She is philosophical and asks big questions
She likes to learn
She likes to bake cakes
She comes into my bed every morning for a cuddle before I get up

Without them I would not be able to be a mother, so today its all about them. I thank them for loving me so much, for all the cuddles, the card games, for needing me. I thank them for tolerating me for rushing them, for my impatience and for the times when I am too busy doing other things.

And I thank them for allowing me to be their mother.

Happy Mothers day!

I just whipped it off

I just whipped it off

I knew it was a safe place.
I don't think there is a safer place in the world.
It is the London Underground.
Millions of people in a rush to get somewhere, anywhere but where they are right now.

The underground hosts an eclectic mix of people. Nationalities. Races. Religions. Interests. Careers. Rich. Poor. It all goes on. In one place. Together. In silence.

Also there is a kind of protocol where you don't stare. So many people look different, odd and strange. That staring is neither of interest or socially permitted.

So I whipped off my wig in a moment of madness and strode down the stairs, the escalators and stood on the platform. Bold, bald and beautiful. Alone and confident.

I made a decision to be proud. To hold my head up high and strode with purpose through the labyrinth.

I was scared. I was nervous. I was conscious. I was alive.

As I got a little more comfortable, I stopped focussing on me and how I was feeling and decided to look around. And here is the most interesting part.

No one was looking at me.
No one was interested.
No one was staring
No one was remotely curious .

Of course there was the odd prolonged glance but even that was short and polite.

No one looked bothered.
No one cared.

I felt like shouting "Hello everyone I am bald, why are you not staring at me????"
I could not fathom that I was a non event for all these city commuters.
I was underwhelmed by the response yet overwhelmed by it.

They were more interested in the local newspaper, their phones or the announcements about the doors closing.

I did it for over 30 minutes.

It was my first public outing and I was viewed by hundreds.

I am not sure what it all meant and what it now means.

But I know I had to do it.

And today was the day.

Am I a princess?

At night I read fairytales to my youngest. (Harry Potter to the oldest)

She adores this part of the day and I genuinely think she looks forward to it all day.

There is never an issue taking her to bed, she happily skips up the stairs and grabs a book then pulls up the covers. There are also two pillows at the top of her bed. One for her and one for Mummy who uses it when she is reading her a story.

One of her current favourite books, is the Princess and the Pea.

Remember that one?  It is where the Prince is searching for a real Princess to marry and the only real test of being a Princess is that you can feel a pea underneath your mattress. In fact, under the many layers of mattresses, as the story explains.

So after yesterdays story telling, my little one looks at me very seriously and asks:

"Mummy, can you one day, put peas under my mattress and see if I notice?"

HOW CUTE IS THAT???

She really wants to see if she is a Princess?

Of course you are a Princess darling, you don't need peas under your mattress to prove that!
You are our little Princess and always will be!

Beauty in the snow

There is something incredibly beautiful about fresh snow. It's peaceful in its perfection.

When out walking, it feels like no one has ever been on that path before. It feels like you are an adventurer discovering new places.

I had two moments on my winter wonderland holiday, both were mine and both were beautiful.

Here is the first. It is my steps from a few days ago. There were no others for miles around.

If I am honest, I find walking on frozen lakes very scary, despite its obvious safety given the temperatures, yet it's the unknown. Yet walking on frozen lakes is a wonderful experience, as you know that beneath you is a depth. Solid and strong, yet scarily fragile.

It's the feeling of purity. The feeling of breaking into new territories.

Walking on fresh snow is a moment of silence and a moment of serenity.


Then there was moment two. Snowshoeing in the woods behind the cottage. This was a real 'moment" and also a shared moment. I could not stop saying how beautiful everything was.
My buddy felt the same.

These moments belonged to me.

Beauty in snow.

Two moments to treasure.

Going back to who you are

There is something quite wonderful about going back to your roots.

I was lucky enough to be able to do that last week with two of my "old" friends.

These are two of the friends I grew up with, roller skating with, playing hide and seek with, planning our futures with and probably at some point planning to marry each other!  One lived next door and the other in the next village.

We built dens together, had sleepovers, played monopoly and simply spent hours and hours just being together. On our bikes or in each others bedrooms. We never tired of each others company.

These two girls now women, were the foundation of my youth. They are what form my memories of my early childhood, my very happy childhood. In fact neither of them went to my school, we all went to different ones. This may in fact have helped the friendship flourish.

We knew each others parents, each others siblings, and each others houses. Who can say that nowadays about their friends?

So on meeting them last week, one on Wednesday and the other on Friday, I was reminded of their fabulousness!

We realized that although years have passed, that our lifes were so intertwined, we knew things of each others families, that no other friends would ever have known (or even dare to ask). Between us we had had our fare share of life events, and it was a sad moment when we realised we had not always shared them and been there for each other, but there was a clear understanding of why this had happened and absolutely no bitterness or judgement.

It was just sheer joy.

Both get togethers were good for the soul.

On my journey home, I reflected that it was really important to connect back with the past and those important people in our lives. Regardless of how long there has been no contact. It's never too late.

Friendships like these are timeless and although I have not always nourished these relationships and  kept in touch, it was like yesterday all over again.

Is there someone out there you need to get in touch with?

Someone who's presence will nourish your soul?

Go on reach out..... I tell you, today I am still running on the energy gained.

Thank you my childhood buddies, it was lovely to see you again.

Values - how did you get yours?

Over the weekend, I have been pondering the values, that I have learned from my parents.

You see, I was in the audience last week, when a senior leader at work, talked about how he came to be, where he was. It was brilliant, captivating and emotional.  I have never been more affected by a presentation in my life. It really was quite something.

He talked about his parents as his heroes and explained their values. Simple and beautiful.

It made me reflect on my journey and how I had become "me".

It also made me ask my sister for her insights. As our parents clearly had passed on their values to us.

Tonight at dinner, my two friends and I discussed this. It's a great conversation.
We all had different insights. All lovely, but very different.

So what values did your parents pass on to you?

Here is my first stab at mine.

Dad.
Right and wrong. He taught me the difference and showed me that doing the right thing was best.
Balance. He taught me to indulge, yet work hard.
Respect. Listen to other people and suspend judgement.
Commitment. If you say you are going to do it. Do it.

Mum.
Adventure. Go far and do crazy things. Think big. Be bold.
Empowerment. It's up to you. Make your own choices.
Optimism.  Life is good. Things could always be worse. Positive thinking at all times.
Care. Always look after people and nurture friendships.

So that's my folks. I wonder what they think of them? Are they proud when they see that? Is this what they set out to teach? Are they content when they see their life works come to this? How did they inherit these vales? Were they also passed on?

I also wonder what my kids will write about us one day.

I think I would be pleased, if the list was just like this one.

Let's see.