What I love most is a great conversation.
A conversation that is real, that is raw and that is full of disclosures. It also needs to be full of provocative questions and challenges. The heart needs to be engaged. The conversation does not need to be heavy, in fact it can be deliciously light and full of laughs. But what it can't be, is superficial. There is no space for blah, blah, blah.
When the heart is engaged, this is for me, when the best chats take place.
It does not need to take long, in fact the inspiration for this post came from an incredibly short, 15 minutes journey to the airport. It was with my friend, African Queen, whom I have known for over 15 years and have not seen for months.
The distance did not matter, neither did the time spent together. We maxed out the 15 minutes and got to the stuff that could have taken others a week or even a lifetime to get to.
It was beautiful, it was pure and it was honest. There was no pretending, there was no posturing and there was no time for fluff.
It went straight to the core.
Thank you my African Queen. Thank you for enagaging your heart. And now for a cup of Rooibus!
Who do you like talking to most and what type of conversations are they?
Make sure you have one of them today. I intend to.
Sister alopecia
I don't know many people with alopecia. In fact, as I think about it, I know only one. I don't think I had consciously noted that before. Anyway, this one particular person is very special and takes the place of many.
Actually, we very rarely talk about our condition. We have many, many other subjects that we love to delve into, not least our love for people and human nature. However, on those rare occasions alopecia does become a topic, we share our tips on how to get wig reimbursements and where to buy the best and latest fashions. We even laugh about moments when we get caught out and have “wig moments”. We are, probably, always first in line to compliment each other on our latest models and daring switch of styles: moving from short to long is always a bold move, as is radical colour change. Others often struggle with how to mention this as they are afraid of recognizing the condition publicly.
Now, who is she, my sister alopecia? She was the first person at work ever to confront me with my condition. I still remember that moment. She was bold and I froze. I was still in the early days and coming to terms with my hair loss and she was not letting me hide. She knew what I needed and gave it to me in spades. Direct yet kind. Upfront and personal.
From that moment on, and now many years later, she still unleashes a freedom in me, by acknowledging the struggle as a female in business. She shows me that it doesn't matter that I have no hair, yet she shows me how to make it matter.
She demonstrates that hairloss releases inner beauty, she shows me that elegance and sophistication in the corporate world shine through. She inspires through her presence and even more so by her kindness. She is the ultimate role model and my icon of elegance.
Together, we have an alopecian fantasy: One day we imagine ourselves on stage, presenting to a global senior leadership team, one of the most important you can imagine. We will give some kind of presentation, most likely on the importance of inclusion in the workforce, the fact that getting the right people in the door is not enough, the fact that inclusion is one of the most critical drivers of success we are faced with and the one that we pay least attention to. At the end of this thought provoking and clearly intelligently delivered masterpiece, we will just whip off our wigs and parade beautifully on the stage, most likely laughing and most definitely looking gorgeous.
The audience will be temporarily stunned but seconds later, the crowd will roar, they will stand and cheer.
There will be a wonderful and long-awaited celebration for women doing business beautifully. A celebration for woman around the world who, whatever their hidden inconveniences, are successful. This event will go down in corporate history books. It will be known as the moment humanity walked back in.
Will we do it? I don't think so. Do we have the guts to do it? Absolutely.
So as I close this post, know that I have crazy fantasies that may one day hit the headlines, but also know that these fantasies lighten the load. They allow humor to take the place of anxiety and have a place in the journey. Dear icon of elegance, thank you for leading the way, beating the path and being there every step of the way, always. Your loyal and learned student thanks you.
Actually, we very rarely talk about our condition. We have many, many other subjects that we love to delve into, not least our love for people and human nature. However, on those rare occasions alopecia does become a topic, we share our tips on how to get wig reimbursements and where to buy the best and latest fashions. We even laugh about moments when we get caught out and have “wig moments”. We are, probably, always first in line to compliment each other on our latest models and daring switch of styles: moving from short to long is always a bold move, as is radical colour change. Others often struggle with how to mention this as they are afraid of recognizing the condition publicly.
Now, who is she, my sister alopecia? She was the first person at work ever to confront me with my condition. I still remember that moment. She was bold and I froze. I was still in the early days and coming to terms with my hair loss and she was not letting me hide. She knew what I needed and gave it to me in spades. Direct yet kind. Upfront and personal.
From that moment on, and now many years later, she still unleashes a freedom in me, by acknowledging the struggle as a female in business. She shows me that it doesn't matter that I have no hair, yet she shows me how to make it matter.
She demonstrates that hairloss releases inner beauty, she shows me that elegance and sophistication in the corporate world shine through. She inspires through her presence and even more so by her kindness. She is the ultimate role model and my icon of elegance.
Together, we have an alopecian fantasy: One day we imagine ourselves on stage, presenting to a global senior leadership team, one of the most important you can imagine. We will give some kind of presentation, most likely on the importance of inclusion in the workforce, the fact that getting the right people in the door is not enough, the fact that inclusion is one of the most critical drivers of success we are faced with and the one that we pay least attention to. At the end of this thought provoking and clearly intelligently delivered masterpiece, we will just whip off our wigs and parade beautifully on the stage, most likely laughing and most definitely looking gorgeous.
The audience will be temporarily stunned but seconds later, the crowd will roar, they will stand and cheer.
There will be a wonderful and long-awaited celebration for women doing business beautifully. A celebration for woman around the world who, whatever their hidden inconveniences, are successful. This event will go down in corporate history books. It will be known as the moment humanity walked back in.
Will we do it? I don't think so. Do we have the guts to do it? Absolutely.
So as I close this post, know that I have crazy fantasies that may one day hit the headlines, but also know that these fantasies lighten the load. They allow humor to take the place of anxiety and have a place in the journey. Dear icon of elegance, thank you for leading the way, beating the path and being there every step of the way, always. Your loyal and learned student thanks you.
4 twinkles and sparkles
Sparkle and twinkle, such beautiful words.
The first mention was on a comment by "H" on my "Wigs are like trousers at Zara" post. This story is fifteen years old. Back then did I twinkle?
The second time was a friend saying that, hearing me talk about my blog and my hair loss, gave me a sparkle. Last week did I sparkle?
The third once, came a few days ago. It was from a friend saying that the content of my posts sparkle. Such a lovely compliment, thanks NED buddy.
These incidents are fifteen years apart, yet all describe something very similar. Different words, but to me, they have the same meaning. I believe these three lovely ladies saw something in me, something that we all have deep down. But at least for me, it does not get inspired that frequently. So what is it that makes us sparkle and twinkle? Is it mischief? Passion? Contentedness?
The forth time, the word came from my daughter. She absolutely adores glittery and sequined things. On that particular day, I was wearing a shiny top. She stopped me as I walked past and said "Mummy you look so pretty when you sparkle".
I love the way children express themselves. In it's inaccuracy, what they say is often perfectly accurate.
Hearing these four, independent mentions of the words, sparkle and twinkle, three of them within a period of only a few days, may be a coincidence. Maybe I was listening for these words. Maybe I heard them for the first time in respect to me.
Whatever it is, I will take the compliments and give myself a word for the week.
This week I sparkle!
Thank you to all four of you for voicing your thoughts. You have made me smile from ear to ear. You have increased my sparkliness.
So what is your word for the week?
Lots of love Sparkly BBB x
The first mention was on a comment by "H" on my "Wigs are like trousers at Zara" post. This story is fifteen years old. Back then did I twinkle?
The second time was a friend saying that, hearing me talk about my blog and my hair loss, gave me a sparkle. Last week did I sparkle?
The third once, came a few days ago. It was from a friend saying that the content of my posts sparkle. Such a lovely compliment, thanks NED buddy.
These incidents are fifteen years apart, yet all describe something very similar. Different words, but to me, they have the same meaning. I believe these three lovely ladies saw something in me, something that we all have deep down. But at least for me, it does not get inspired that frequently. So what is it that makes us sparkle and twinkle? Is it mischief? Passion? Contentedness?
The forth time, the word came from my daughter. She absolutely adores glittery and sequined things. On that particular day, I was wearing a shiny top. She stopped me as I walked past and said "Mummy you look so pretty when you sparkle".
I love the way children express themselves. In it's inaccuracy, what they say is often perfectly accurate.
Hearing these four, independent mentions of the words, sparkle and twinkle, three of them within a period of only a few days, may be a coincidence. Maybe I was listening for these words. Maybe I heard them for the first time in respect to me.
Whatever it is, I will take the compliments and give myself a word for the week.
This week I sparkle!
Thank you to all four of you for voicing your thoughts. You have made me smile from ear to ear. You have increased my sparkliness.
So what is your word for the week?
Lots of love Sparkly BBB x
Being an average mother
I already sense that many of you are taken aback by this title. Some of you may even want to reassure me that I am more than an average mother. Really you don't need to, I am fine with this title, really I am. In fact I strive to be average!
So what do I mean when I say that I am an average mother? Rest assured, I love my children deeply and passionately. There is very little I wouldn't do for them. I am sure you have noticed I have not written that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for them.
However I do have a life for me and I do crave time for me, me and my husband, me and my friends. Therefore there are limits for what I would do for my children and there are times when other things come first.
I love having a job that I enjoy, I love participating in sport and I fundamentally care that I am balanced. In doing all of the above, I believe I am also caring for my children. I may not be present in these moments, but I am investing. For my children I want to be a role model. I want to be a happy working mum. A mum who cares about her own health and a mum who consciously makes choices about how to spend her time. I want to not begrudge them anything at any point. I don't want any regrets on the choices we have all made. Not now, not ever.
That said when I am there, I talk to them, I listen to them, I read to them, I get on the floor and do jigsaws with them. I also make them laugh and do silly things. I see when they are hurting and I try to talk them through the tough stuff.
Am I always there? No.
Do I put myself first, sometimes.
Do I give them what I can, absolutely, always.
My little human beings know that I love them deeply, desperately and insanely. But I also want them to know that they are only part of who I am..
A hugely masssively largely enormously importantly part however!!!
So what do I mean when I say that I am an average mother? Rest assured, I love my children deeply and passionately. There is very little I wouldn't do for them. I am sure you have noticed I have not written that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for them.
However I do have a life for me and I do crave time for me, me and my husband, me and my friends. Therefore there are limits for what I would do for my children and there are times when other things come first.
I love having a job that I enjoy, I love participating in sport and I fundamentally care that I am balanced. In doing all of the above, I believe I am also caring for my children. I may not be present in these moments, but I am investing. For my children I want to be a role model. I want to be a happy working mum. A mum who cares about her own health and a mum who consciously makes choices about how to spend her time. I want to not begrudge them anything at any point. I don't want any regrets on the choices we have all made. Not now, not ever.
That said when I am there, I talk to them, I listen to them, I read to them, I get on the floor and do jigsaws with them. I also make them laugh and do silly things. I see when they are hurting and I try to talk them through the tough stuff.
Am I always there? No.
Do I put myself first, sometimes.
Do I give them what I can, absolutely, always.
My little human beings know that I love them deeply, desperately and insanely. But I also want them to know that they are only part of who I am..
A hugely masssively largely enormously importantly part however!!!
I love hats!
I wear a lot of hats, I mean a lot. Until recently it was not easy to find hats that nicely cover my head. A regular baseball cap for me finishes off midway down my scalp, leaving a good few inches of head exposed. Not really the Summer look I am after.
However after a lot of searching, I have now identified a wonderful place I can get great fitting and funky looking hats. It has really changed my life!
Wearing hats is unbelievably comfortable, especially in the heat. Wearing wigs is not. Yes there are some excellent wigs, but even they are not comfortable in a happy-to-wear-it-all-the-time kind of way. So I love wearing hats. It's the first thing I do when I get home, I tear off the wig and don a cute little cappy. Pure luxury.
There is however a little problem with hats. It's slight but still it's there. You see, even though these special hats cover your whole head beautifully, it is still kind of obvious that you have no hair. Think about it, nothing peaks out the sides, back or front. Not usually the case for people with hair.
So here is the lead into my latest discovery.
It is now possible to buy hair, that is comfortable and looks good with hats. Just to be clear wearing a wig under a hat is not a real option, it would cause me to faint from heat exhaustion. Not mentioning being red in the face all day.
So when I discovered three new hair possibilities I got all excited. I have not decided to take the plunge yet, so let me involve you in my process so far.
Type 1 (as described by me and clearly not anyone from the marketing department).
A stripe of stick on hair, which gets attached to the back of a hat. Colour choice available.
Type 2 (again described by me).
Circular hair that sticks on all around the inside of any hat, giving you front, side and back hair whilst wearing a hat. Again choice of colour.
Then there is Type 3 (absolutely described by me as no one would buy it with this description).
It looks a bit like a wig with the middle bit cut out. The middle bit is then replaced by elastic bands to ensure it stays on the head.
Type 3 I imagine gives the look and feel of Type 2 but I guess it is more comfortable and safe. The other two make me wonder if there is a chance of the hair coming unstuck, leaving half of the hair dangling exposing the velcro. This I realize is an unlikely scenario, but we all have these irrational fashion fears! We all do, don't we?????
However, the perceived downside with Type 3, is my (yet again irrational) image of the hat flying off in the wind, leaving this monstrosity of elastic and hair exposed for all to see.
Not a pretty site.
So despite my somewhat critical descriptions, I do believe that all three of these models should be tried out, I think there is a place for them in my life. I think they can restore a look of "normal", that I so desperately seek out, particularly in my professional life.
Think corporate sport event, think hot day with friends at a fun activity, think joining your kids at a school fun day. Think comfortable and normal.
So the question is, should I make the plunge and try out these new accessories? If so what type and what colour? The possibilities are endless.
Advice anyone?
However after a lot of searching, I have now identified a wonderful place I can get great fitting and funky looking hats. It has really changed my life!
Wearing hats is unbelievably comfortable, especially in the heat. Wearing wigs is not. Yes there are some excellent wigs, but even they are not comfortable in a happy-to-wear-it-all-the-time kind of way. So I love wearing hats. It's the first thing I do when I get home, I tear off the wig and don a cute little cappy. Pure luxury.
There is however a little problem with hats. It's slight but still it's there. You see, even though these special hats cover your whole head beautifully, it is still kind of obvious that you have no hair. Think about it, nothing peaks out the sides, back or front. Not usually the case for people with hair.
So here is the lead into my latest discovery.
It is now possible to buy hair, that is comfortable and looks good with hats. Just to be clear wearing a wig under a hat is not a real option, it would cause me to faint from heat exhaustion. Not mentioning being red in the face all day.
So when I discovered three new hair possibilities I got all excited. I have not decided to take the plunge yet, so let me involve you in my process so far.
Type 1 (as described by me and clearly not anyone from the marketing department).
A stripe of stick on hair, which gets attached to the back of a hat. Colour choice available.
Type 2 (again described by me).
Circular hair that sticks on all around the inside of any hat, giving you front, side and back hair whilst wearing a hat. Again choice of colour.
Then there is Type 3 (absolutely described by me as no one would buy it with this description).
It looks a bit like a wig with the middle bit cut out. The middle bit is then replaced by elastic bands to ensure it stays on the head.
Type 3 I imagine gives the look and feel of Type 2 but I guess it is more comfortable and safe. The other two make me wonder if there is a chance of the hair coming unstuck, leaving half of the hair dangling exposing the velcro. This I realize is an unlikely scenario, but we all have these irrational fashion fears! We all do, don't we?????
However, the perceived downside with Type 3, is my (yet again irrational) image of the hat flying off in the wind, leaving this monstrosity of elastic and hair exposed for all to see.
Not a pretty site.
So despite my somewhat critical descriptions, I do believe that all three of these models should be tried out, I think there is a place for them in my life. I think they can restore a look of "normal", that I so desperately seek out, particularly in my professional life.
Think corporate sport event, think hot day with friends at a fun activity, think joining your kids at a school fun day. Think comfortable and normal.
So the question is, should I make the plunge and try out these new accessories? If so what type and what colour? The possibilities are endless.
Advice anyone?
Close to perfection
We picked this house a few years ago. Of course there were many things at play, but one of our main reasons was because of it's proximity to a lovely village. It's a beautiful village with a lively centre.
There are coffee shops, bakeries, a gallery, toy shops, you name it, the village has it.
We have always enjoyed the possibility of walking or cycling to get the basics. It’s a real treat to not always have to use the car. I have to admit, we are probably some of the few people who actually use the bicycle stands at the supermarket. If I am honest, I think we provide the locals with a little light entertainment when we walk round the aisles with our helmets on!
We do have to be careful with our purchases however, believe it or not, 11 litre water containers are not that easy to transport, despite the rucksacks and bike baskets! However with a bit of planning, doing a weekly shop is surprisingly easy.
Anyway, back to the house. When we chose this house a few years ago, it would have been hard for to us to imagine both our girls, who at the time were little things, being grown up enough to independently cycle a few kilometres to the village and back. Yet today, I had the absolute pleasure of cycling down to this lovely village with my girls.
It was a glorious day, lovely and warm. Sunny with a slight breeze, and we spent it well. A convoy of us on bikes, as the neighbours gladly joined us. We headed first to the hub of the village for a little look around, followed by a picnic and a play in the park. In traditional day trip fashion, we finished the adventure off with a delicious ice cream at the amazing ice cream shack “Wild Willy’s”. Perfect.
It was in many regards one of the simplest ways to spend a day and there was neither organization nor planning required. It was in many ways the perfect day.
When I came home I was so happy about our family day out, yet I couldn't quite work out why I had such a pure sense of satisfaction. It was after all, just a trip to the village.
So what actually made this day so special? The simplicity. The weather. The conversation. The combination. I don't know!
Whatever it was, I want to package it up and keep for a rainy day. What was it that made the day so memorable, so warm and so enjoyable?
What makes your days feel special? Anyone want to share their magic recipe?
There are coffee shops, bakeries, a gallery, toy shops, you name it, the village has it.
We have always enjoyed the possibility of walking or cycling to get the basics. It’s a real treat to not always have to use the car. I have to admit, we are probably some of the few people who actually use the bicycle stands at the supermarket. If I am honest, I think we provide the locals with a little light entertainment when we walk round the aisles with our helmets on!
We do have to be careful with our purchases however, believe it or not, 11 litre water containers are not that easy to transport, despite the rucksacks and bike baskets! However with a bit of planning, doing a weekly shop is surprisingly easy.
Anyway, back to the house. When we chose this house a few years ago, it would have been hard for to us to imagine both our girls, who at the time were little things, being grown up enough to independently cycle a few kilometres to the village and back. Yet today, I had the absolute pleasure of cycling down to this lovely village with my girls.
It was a glorious day, lovely and warm. Sunny with a slight breeze, and we spent it well. A convoy of us on bikes, as the neighbours gladly joined us. We headed first to the hub of the village for a little look around, followed by a picnic and a play in the park. In traditional day trip fashion, we finished the adventure off with a delicious ice cream at the amazing ice cream shack “Wild Willy’s”. Perfect.
It was in many regards one of the simplest ways to spend a day and there was neither organization nor planning required. It was in many ways the perfect day.
When I came home I was so happy about our family day out, yet I couldn't quite work out why I had such a pure sense of satisfaction. It was after all, just a trip to the village.
So what actually made this day so special? The simplicity. The weather. The conversation. The combination. I don't know!
Whatever it was, I want to package it up and keep for a rainy day. What was it that made the day so memorable, so warm and so enjoyable?
What makes your days feel special? Anyone want to share their magic recipe?
The contamination of experience
Sometimes I wish I had never left my home village. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to have just stayed living and working in the area I grew up in. At the time I thought everything about my life was just right and I certainly don't recall any yearnings for friends and family farther afield. Everything was in arms reach and I was not frustrated by the way things were.
Having lived in 6 quite different countries on three continents, I have had wonderful culinary and cultural exposure. I have seen different ways of preparing cabbage (in South Africa you cut it open, tip in some onion soup mix, then a large knob of butter and finally throw it in the fire for a long while til it's cooked. Whilst in Germany you ferment it for weeks on end, producing the world famous Sauerkraut).
For breakfast I have enjoyed eating yoghurt and equally enjoyed eating marmite on toast. I have drunk cherry beer on cobblestone terraces and I have put maple syrup on just about everything.
I have lived in countries where there are more languages and dialects than I knew ever existed. I have also heard linguistic sounds that I can not replicate. I have lived in places where you wash tins out before placing in the right bin; I have lived in countries where you bundle up newspapers in a very particular way and place in front of your house at a specific time in order to be recycled. I have waited for hours and hours in emergency waiting rooms and I have also been seen at home by a Doctor, within minutes of a placing the call.
In all places I have met people who have changed my life and shaped me as a person. I have become richer because of these experiences and because of the delightful people who took the time to introduce me to their culture.
So why do I wish that I have never left my village?
Well there I did not know what was outside the walls. There I did not know that Foie Gras was a menu option, there I did not care which beer I drank. It was there I could drive to my friends and not wish there was a public transport system that ran like clockwork, with a frequency of 7 minutes. It was there that I accepted the way things were, rather than knowing how different things can be.
Now I find myself wishing to live in a place which combines all the best elements of the countries we have lived in. A country with the weather of one, the trams of another, the proximity of coast of yet another and the safety and cleanliness of another. In this combined country all my favorite people would live in the same street and we would all drink the beautiful tap water that comes directly from the mountains!
This vision of home does not exist and never will.
So it is now that I realize that any place I live there will be something missing. Therefore I wonder if I can ever be happy, knowing something is not quite right?
Have I been contaminated by experience?
My conclusion is that I know I took the right path and I know my life is better because of my travels. It is often more complex and challenging because of the knowledge we have collected on the way, but I also know that I can be happy anywhere in the world.
The condition to this happiness is that I find ways to continue to enjoy these cultural and culinary experiences with my favourite people. So to any of my friends reading this, thank you for tolerating my little cultural eccentricities. Thank you for allowing me to share with you any new habits or traditions I have picked up on the way. Thank you also for your willingness to taste different beers, try out new forms of cabbage and for simply allowing me to vent about about the size of the potholes in the road.
(Footnote, thank you to Mr. Shiny Shiny for the expression I shamelessly stole for my title!)
Having lived in 6 quite different countries on three continents, I have had wonderful culinary and cultural exposure. I have seen different ways of preparing cabbage (in South Africa you cut it open, tip in some onion soup mix, then a large knob of butter and finally throw it in the fire for a long while til it's cooked. Whilst in Germany you ferment it for weeks on end, producing the world famous Sauerkraut).
For breakfast I have enjoyed eating yoghurt and equally enjoyed eating marmite on toast. I have drunk cherry beer on cobblestone terraces and I have put maple syrup on just about everything.
I have lived in countries where there are more languages and dialects than I knew ever existed. I have also heard linguistic sounds that I can not replicate. I have lived in places where you wash tins out before placing in the right bin; I have lived in countries where you bundle up newspapers in a very particular way and place in front of your house at a specific time in order to be recycled. I have waited for hours and hours in emergency waiting rooms and I have also been seen at home by a Doctor, within minutes of a placing the call.
In all places I have met people who have changed my life and shaped me as a person. I have become richer because of these experiences and because of the delightful people who took the time to introduce me to their culture.
So why do I wish that I have never left my village?
Well there I did not know what was outside the walls. There I did not know that Foie Gras was a menu option, there I did not care which beer I drank. It was there I could drive to my friends and not wish there was a public transport system that ran like clockwork, with a frequency of 7 minutes. It was there that I accepted the way things were, rather than knowing how different things can be.
Now I find myself wishing to live in a place which combines all the best elements of the countries we have lived in. A country with the weather of one, the trams of another, the proximity of coast of yet another and the safety and cleanliness of another. In this combined country all my favorite people would live in the same street and we would all drink the beautiful tap water that comes directly from the mountains!
This vision of home does not exist and never will.
So it is now that I realize that any place I live there will be something missing. Therefore I wonder if I can ever be happy, knowing something is not quite right?
Have I been contaminated by experience?
My conclusion is that I know I took the right path and I know my life is better because of my travels. It is often more complex and challenging because of the knowledge we have collected on the way, but I also know that I can be happy anywhere in the world.
The condition to this happiness is that I find ways to continue to enjoy these cultural and culinary experiences with my favourite people. So to any of my friends reading this, thank you for tolerating my little cultural eccentricities. Thank you for allowing me to share with you any new habits or traditions I have picked up on the way. Thank you also for your willingness to taste different beers, try out new forms of cabbage and for simply allowing me to vent about about the size of the potholes in the road.
(Footnote, thank you to Mr. Shiny Shiny for the expression I shamelessly stole for my title!)
Interested to dare, dare to be interested!
So something happened recently, something that I would never have expected. Maybe deep down I had been hoping this would happen at some time in my life. I definitely did not expect it to happen neither this way, nor with these people but it just did and it was great. I also know that I could never have planned it, not in a million years.
So what is the "it" i am referring to?
We had been invited over to some friends' house, who we knew a little and enjoyed a lot. Whilst the husbands were out buying meat for the BBQ and the kids bouncing happily on the trampoline, my friend was on her computer. She is a very creative lady and I commented on what she was doing with her photos. She looked up at me and very spontaneously said, "Let me take some photos of you". Kind of unusual, but somehow I went with it.
She then handed me some props like jackets, sunglasses and gave me poses to do. It felt odd but hey I was going with the flow and being spontaneous. She then said, "Take your hat off". Whooaaaaa! My heart sunk and my inner voice shouted "Run!!!!"
The question was however posed in such a gentle, non threatening manner, that although shocked and scared, I felt compelled to do as she asked, and take off my hat. You have to realize with the exception of my husband, kids, hairdressers and Doctors, no one has ever seen my bare head.
From her body language, tone of voice, it was clear that she genuinely wanted to see the beauty and shape of my head. She wanted to view it in a creative and artistic way. She clearly did not want to stare and mock, which is probably what I fear the most. She wanted to see the beauty underneath and not the beast.
Once I had taken off the hat, she immediately gave me a glowing smile and spoke words of real encouragement to get me to show certain facial expressions. I went with it. She was so complimentary to my beauty, that I could only be proud and comfortable. We laughed and took photos, beautiful pictures that I love. The photo shoot was over in a matter of minutes but the products were amazing. For me a monumentus achievement. She never once looked shocked nor disgusted. This is clearly what my irrational brain was expecting.
This was neither planned nor could it have been. This was someone daring to be interested and me being interested to dare.
I still to this moment, don't know where I found the courage to follow that simple instruction to take off the hat, but I am sure glad I did. I am very grateful for my friend for daring to be bold, for choosing to take a risk and for showing me that new things are possible.
She sure is some gal!
(Note: the photo on the "About me" section was taken that day.)
So what is the "it" i am referring to?
We had been invited over to some friends' house, who we knew a little and enjoyed a lot. Whilst the husbands were out buying meat for the BBQ and the kids bouncing happily on the trampoline, my friend was on her computer. She is a very creative lady and I commented on what she was doing with her photos. She looked up at me and very spontaneously said, "Let me take some photos of you". Kind of unusual, but somehow I went with it.
She then handed me some props like jackets, sunglasses and gave me poses to do. It felt odd but hey I was going with the flow and being spontaneous. She then said, "Take your hat off". Whooaaaaa! My heart sunk and my inner voice shouted "Run!!!!"
The question was however posed in such a gentle, non threatening manner, that although shocked and scared, I felt compelled to do as she asked, and take off my hat. You have to realize with the exception of my husband, kids, hairdressers and Doctors, no one has ever seen my bare head.
From her body language, tone of voice, it was clear that she genuinely wanted to see the beauty and shape of my head. She wanted to view it in a creative and artistic way. She clearly did not want to stare and mock, which is probably what I fear the most. She wanted to see the beauty underneath and not the beast.
Once I had taken off the hat, she immediately gave me a glowing smile and spoke words of real encouragement to get me to show certain facial expressions. I went with it. She was so complimentary to my beauty, that I could only be proud and comfortable. We laughed and took photos, beautiful pictures that I love. The photo shoot was over in a matter of minutes but the products were amazing. For me a monumentus achievement. She never once looked shocked nor disgusted. This is clearly what my irrational brain was expecting.
This was neither planned nor could it have been. This was someone daring to be interested and me being interested to dare.
I still to this moment, don't know where I found the courage to follow that simple instruction to take off the hat, but I am sure glad I did. I am very grateful for my friend for daring to be bold, for choosing to take a risk and for showing me that new things are possible.
She sure is some gal!
(Note: the photo on the "About me" section was taken that day.)
The little tasks we dread
There are always jobs we dread or even hate, the thought of having to do the task makes us feel sick or at best, just a little grumpy. The proacrastination or the avoidance strategies which I employ are often very creative. However this does not help, as there is an inevitability of having to do the task in hand.
There are many smart people out there saying, you should do it first and get it over with, stop complaining, just get it out of the way. Yeah, yeah, makes sense but somehow it is impossible. Why, I don't know, but I know there are many of you who share this sense of dread on stupid, silly little chores.
Are you getting my drift? Have you already identified your little task of dread?
Mine is a silly one, completely irrational. However it is a job I will do anything to avoid. Are you ready for my ridiculous disclosure?
Ok here goes........It is putting the clean Tupperware back into the Tupperware cupboard.
So there it is, now it's out. I deplore this task, I simply hate it.
There are too many different shaped lids being stored and stacked in different shaped containers which actually match non of the different sets of boxes in the god damn cupboard. Wow I can feel the rage surging in me right now just thinking about it.
So as I go to put the dried dishes away, I happily put the plates, the glasses and the cutlery away. But as only the Tupperware remains on the drying mat, I find a million other things to do and leave that there for someone else to manage.
Once I even found myself putting the CD's in alphabetical order to ensure I was busy with something else. What is that all about??????
I am not sure anyone has ever noticed this pathetic domestic avoidance, if you have, please accept this as my formal apology and please please don't make me do it, ever ever again.
So what's yours? Please share so I don't feel like the only one with such ridiculous tendencies :-)
There are many smart people out there saying, you should do it first and get it over with, stop complaining, just get it out of the way. Yeah, yeah, makes sense but somehow it is impossible. Why, I don't know, but I know there are many of you who share this sense of dread on stupid, silly little chores.
Are you getting my drift? Have you already identified your little task of dread?
Mine is a silly one, completely irrational. However it is a job I will do anything to avoid. Are you ready for my ridiculous disclosure?
Ok here goes........It is putting the clean Tupperware back into the Tupperware cupboard.
So there it is, now it's out. I deplore this task, I simply hate it.
There are too many different shaped lids being stored and stacked in different shaped containers which actually match non of the different sets of boxes in the god damn cupboard. Wow I can feel the rage surging in me right now just thinking about it.
So as I go to put the dried dishes away, I happily put the plates, the glasses and the cutlery away. But as only the Tupperware remains on the drying mat, I find a million other things to do and leave that there for someone else to manage.
Once I even found myself putting the CD's in alphabetical order to ensure I was busy with something else. What is that all about??????
I am not sure anyone has ever noticed this pathetic domestic avoidance, if you have, please accept this as my formal apology and please please don't make me do it, ever ever again.
So what's yours? Please share so I don't feel like the only one with such ridiculous tendencies :-)
Everyone needs a sage
At a recent conference I attended, there was a session on mapping your network. This was a particularly interesting session on two accounts.
1. It highlighted the types of relationships we have and the frequency of the interaction. For example it made us analyze whether there were few people in our network versus many, we analyzed whether we have close relationships with people versus distant ones. It even went on to plot those people who boost our energy versus those that just drain it. I have never plotted out my world like this before. Quite a revealing exercise. We did this in the professional context, however it is equally applicable in the personal one.
That part of exercise was the easy bit, the next bit made me think a little deeper.
2. The exercise then asked us to characterize these relationships, the labels proposed, although not exclusive were:
The sage
The caregiver
The devils advocate
The connector
The relentless coach
The visionary
The hero
I found two very strong people in my network who fitted two of these archetypes beautifully. The first is "The Sage". This person offers their wisdom, their teaching and their experience. They link work with deeper purpose and create and find meaning in everything.
I found myself having a few sages around me, but let me tell you about my first one. I met her as I was starting out in my corporate life, she was ten years my senior and just seemed to know a lot more than anyone else I knew. She also seemed to have done and experienced everything. She grounded me then as she does now. Today she has a very special birthday and she is wiser than ever.
I think everyone needs a sage.
Someone to call when you need that one piece of sensible advice to allow you to make the next step with more confidence. Who is yours? Anyone springing to mind?
Then there is my "Devils Advocate", I had a few of these too, but one particular one jumped out. She is challenging and shifts my perspective. She pushes my boundaries of thought and gives me a good dose of reality when needed. She is the one I call about work and life frustrations. She's get me and I get her. We debate and disagree, she is demanding and super smart. She is also loving and loyal and would fight anyone who dare hurt me. This week is also a special one for her, not a milestone birthday, but something else. She gets to see me :-)
As I did the exercise I began to realize that I was extremely lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people. These are just two examples, but I really had many others, as I am sure you do.
Once finished my personal mapping, I began thinking of other peoples network and thought about my own family. I think my Dad was lucky to have "a Sage" in his Uncle. Had my Great Uncle lived longer I am sure he would have been mine too. He was a kind man, a very gentle man and he loved me and my sister deeply. As a child I knew that.
He held both professionally and socially important roles and he had served in the military. Yes I think he was a sage to many.
So I leave you with a thought today around your network. Are you conscious about who is in your network and what role they play? Who is your Visionary? To whom are you the Sage? Are you someones hero?
Get out a pen and paper out and start plotting. It's a fun exercise.
1. It highlighted the types of relationships we have and the frequency of the interaction. For example it made us analyze whether there were few people in our network versus many, we analyzed whether we have close relationships with people versus distant ones. It even went on to plot those people who boost our energy versus those that just drain it. I have never plotted out my world like this before. Quite a revealing exercise. We did this in the professional context, however it is equally applicable in the personal one.
That part of exercise was the easy bit, the next bit made me think a little deeper.
2. The exercise then asked us to characterize these relationships, the labels proposed, although not exclusive were:
The sage
The caregiver
The devils advocate
The connector
The relentless coach
The visionary
The hero
I found two very strong people in my network who fitted two of these archetypes beautifully. The first is "The Sage". This person offers their wisdom, their teaching and their experience. They link work with deeper purpose and create and find meaning in everything.
I found myself having a few sages around me, but let me tell you about my first one. I met her as I was starting out in my corporate life, she was ten years my senior and just seemed to know a lot more than anyone else I knew. She also seemed to have done and experienced everything. She grounded me then as she does now. Today she has a very special birthday and she is wiser than ever.
I think everyone needs a sage.
Someone to call when you need that one piece of sensible advice to allow you to make the next step with more confidence. Who is yours? Anyone springing to mind?
Then there is my "Devils Advocate", I had a few of these too, but one particular one jumped out. She is challenging and shifts my perspective. She pushes my boundaries of thought and gives me a good dose of reality when needed. She is the one I call about work and life frustrations. She's get me and I get her. We debate and disagree, she is demanding and super smart. She is also loving and loyal and would fight anyone who dare hurt me. This week is also a special one for her, not a milestone birthday, but something else. She gets to see me :-)
As I did the exercise I began to realize that I was extremely lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people. These are just two examples, but I really had many others, as I am sure you do.
Once finished my personal mapping, I began thinking of other peoples network and thought about my own family. I think my Dad was lucky to have "a Sage" in his Uncle. Had my Great Uncle lived longer I am sure he would have been mine too. He was a kind man, a very gentle man and he loved me and my sister deeply. As a child I knew that.
He held both professionally and socially important roles and he had served in the military. Yes I think he was a sage to many.
So I leave you with a thought today around your network. Are you conscious about who is in your network and what role they play? Who is your Visionary? To whom are you the Sage? Are you someones hero?
Get out a pen and paper out and start plotting. It's a fun exercise.
Hurrah for alopecia!
We spent an hour just talking about hair. This had nothing to do with me or my condition, but hair was the topic of conversation. It was dramatic, full of animation and loaded with passion on the subject.
We talked about having too much hair, too little hair and absolutely having increasingly the wrong colour of hair. Damn those gray hairs! We ventured into having hair in the wrong places with many hilarious examples. These stories would be unfair to share, so I won't!
But what came out loud and clear, was that everyone has, in one form or another, an issue with that filamentous biomaterial that grows from our follicles (otherwise known as HAIR!)
It seems that hair, or lack of it, is the bain of everyones life.
We debated, waxing versus laser treatment for removal. We then moved on to frequency of colouring, type of coloring, where to have your hair coloured and whether DIY colouring is a real option. It seems that despite the diversity of our shapes, personalities and looks, we all seem to battle in one way or another with hair.
Then there were the male issues. We talked about hairy backs and even those men with hairy chests, who have rogue hairs peeping out over the top of their shirts. Was shaving upper chest hair appropriate, even required for those chest bushes? We had a good debate about this too.
The conversation was definitely in the spirit of support and gaining insights and we all learned something. I do have to say there were many moments throughout this afternoon lighthearted debate, that I had an inward smile. I found myself blissfully happy to have alopecia. By my good fortune of having alopecia, I have clearly eliminated a lot of pain, significant cost and a whole lot of time. Not to mention a very complex decision making process.
Today was my day. Today was a big loud Hurrah for alopecia!
Does this hair obsession resonate? Does it strike a familiar chord of reality for any of you?
I know I had such dilemmas, in what seems a lifetime ago!
We talked about having too much hair, too little hair and absolutely having increasingly the wrong colour of hair. Damn those gray hairs! We ventured into having hair in the wrong places with many hilarious examples. These stories would be unfair to share, so I won't!
But what came out loud and clear, was that everyone has, in one form or another, an issue with that filamentous biomaterial that grows from our follicles (otherwise known as HAIR!)
It seems that hair, or lack of it, is the bain of everyones life.
We debated, waxing versus laser treatment for removal. We then moved on to frequency of colouring, type of coloring, where to have your hair coloured and whether DIY colouring is a real option. It seems that despite the diversity of our shapes, personalities and looks, we all seem to battle in one way or another with hair.
Then there were the male issues. We talked about hairy backs and even those men with hairy chests, who have rogue hairs peeping out over the top of their shirts. Was shaving upper chest hair appropriate, even required for those chest bushes? We had a good debate about this too.
The conversation was definitely in the spirit of support and gaining insights and we all learned something. I do have to say there were many moments throughout this afternoon lighthearted debate, that I had an inward smile. I found myself blissfully happy to have alopecia. By my good fortune of having alopecia, I have clearly eliminated a lot of pain, significant cost and a whole lot of time. Not to mention a very complex decision making process.
Today was my day. Today was a big loud Hurrah for alopecia!
Does this hair obsession resonate? Does it strike a familiar chord of reality for any of you?
I know I had such dilemmas, in what seems a lifetime ago!
Why me?
When we are struck with any kind of illness, bad luck or misfortune, a particular question rears it's head. The question surfaces without an invite and often without any warning. The question is made up of two words, and goes something like this.
"Why me?"
It can be asked by ourselves in a moment of misery or self pitying. It may come from a friend or family member who wishes your hurt away. Someone who hates to see you suffering.
However consider answering the question, right back, with the bold retort of:
"Why not me?"
It offers a whole new perspective on things.
"Why me?"
It can be asked by ourselves in a moment of misery or self pitying. It may come from a friend or family member who wishes your hurt away. Someone who hates to see you suffering.
However consider answering the question, right back, with the bold retort of:
"Why not me?"
It offers a whole new perspective on things.
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