My girls have always welcomed babysitters. Let's face it they are way more fun than mum and dad. They usually let them have more TV, play games and quite simply have a little more freedom.
We also have a list of beautiful babysitters who adore our girls, so that helps.
A while ago, we left them for the evening in the safe hands of one of these babysitters. On return, she reported all had gone well and the night was as usual.
The next morning, my little one came to our room for her usual morning cuddle and started telling us about the evening. She then said "I don't like it when you go out mummy". I was a little surprised as I know they always enjoy the freedom of the babysitters. When asked why she said "The babysitter doesn't cuddle me the way you do before I go to sleep."
My heart melted.
I have been cuddling her every night before she goes to sleep, for over 8 years now, and if the truth be told, I do it more for me that for her, however in this usual rhythm I had forgotten how precious and amazing the action actually is. That special little cuddle.
So now when I cuddle her closely before the lights go off, I am more present in the moment, I know have a deeper understanding the importance of this small moment to us both.
Nice.
Showing posts with label being a parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being a parent. Show all posts
The ideal day
On Sunday, we were faced with the prospect of no plans!
So before we spent the day just hanging around, playing on technology and getting into family fights, I decided to create a plan. I do like a good plan.
So I asked each of the girls to design their ideal day. Like mummy, they like a good list, so they eagerly grabbed a pen and paper and crafted their ideas for the day.
As we progressed through the day we ticked off the activities and without the exception of one thing (which was to write a story) we managed to do everything.
It ended up being a rather pleasant day with fewer fights, limited technology and a whole lot of fun.
If you had a free day, what would you write on your list?
So before we spent the day just hanging around, playing on technology and getting into family fights, I decided to create a plan. I do like a good plan.
So I asked each of the girls to design their ideal day. Like mummy, they like a good list, so they eagerly grabbed a pen and paper and crafted their ideas for the day.
As we progressed through the day we ticked off the activities and without the exception of one thing (which was to write a story) we managed to do everything.
It ended up being a rather pleasant day with fewer fights, limited technology and a whole lot of fun.
If you had a free day, what would you write on your list?
Campervan life
Can you imagine a place where chores are something wonderful rather than a drag?
I find myself saying, "hey let me put the table together" "Don't worry I will empty the loo", even my youngest said " hey mummy I want to do all the washing up alone tonight, is that okay?".
Chores become the core of the day. They provide structure and shared moments of happiness.
Internet also is rationed.
It is only within metres of the reception area, and yes you do see a number of people crowded around the benches there, even families, but it is an intense 15 minutes and then back to the other life. The one of simplicity, proximity and togetherness. I have to confess, to publish this blog, I had to cycle a few minutes with my ipad in my handbag after 9pm.......but there was something rather fun about it too. It made my journey very purposeful.
This is the life of campsites.
Dont get me wrong I can be a five star all inclusive princess at the best of times, yet I do like the other side equally. If I am honest it is the stuff in the middle I would rather skip. Paying high prices for average, does annoy me.
Camping however, yes please. It must come from my Girl Guide and scouting days, but I do like it.
Yes the shower sharing is annoying (well not literally sharing, but also not completely private), as is climbing up to bed in the alcove of the campervan, but that seems to be it. Everything else I love!! I am indeed a camper at heart. Well my parents did start their married lives in a caravan after all.
So cheers to camping life and another early night, as there is nothing to do but play cards by candlenight and finish the jigsaw puzzles off.
Night night.......as I curl over and read my book.
Grumpy at home - happy at the office?
I hope to heaven I am not the only one with this problem, but I have a skill. Quite a fabulous one I believe.
I can be light, happy and entertaining in the office. Generous and kind. A great listener, patient and thoughtful. Yet my skill is that I can turn this into the exact opposite, just by changing locations.
I get back home and become, grumpy and moody. Impatient and selfish. Rushed and agitated.
Its instantaneous. No preparation needed.
This is really how it is - how awful is that?
Saving the best for work and giving your worst to your family??????
The same goes on weekends, we can be bickering and burdened, yet let another family or friend arrive and the atmosphere improves, we all pull ourselves together and laugh a lot more and ignore the chores and the dirty washing. We become lighter and seeem like a happy and nomral family.
It seems so unfair. I wish it was different. But it often isn't.
I may be exaggerating a little, but I know this to be true for me.
Is it because at home, I can let the guard down and be the real me? Is it because I know at work my home behaviour would be unacceptable? Or is it because I know my family love me unconditionally and I can say how I feel and behave how I want to?
Either way, I need to find a way to bring some of the energy I give at work back into the home. And maybe the cost of doing this, is reducing some of the energy that goes into the workplace.
Thoughts anyone? Please tell me I am not alone.
I can be light, happy and entertaining in the office. Generous and kind. A great listener, patient and thoughtful. Yet my skill is that I can turn this into the exact opposite, just by changing locations.
I get back home and become, grumpy and moody. Impatient and selfish. Rushed and agitated.
Its instantaneous. No preparation needed.
This is really how it is - how awful is that?
Saving the best for work and giving your worst to your family??????
The same goes on weekends, we can be bickering and burdened, yet let another family or friend arrive and the atmosphere improves, we all pull ourselves together and laugh a lot more and ignore the chores and the dirty washing. We become lighter and seeem like a happy and nomral family.
It seems so unfair. I wish it was different. But it often isn't.
I may be exaggerating a little, but I know this to be true for me.
Is it because at home, I can let the guard down and be the real me? Is it because I know at work my home behaviour would be unacceptable? Or is it because I know my family love me unconditionally and I can say how I feel and behave how I want to?
Either way, I need to find a way to bring some of the energy I give at work back into the home. And maybe the cost of doing this, is reducing some of the energy that goes into the workplace.
Thoughts anyone? Please tell me I am not alone.
Tortoises and Hedgehogs
Our back garden is turning
into a zoo! And how cool it is becoming.
For now we enjoy it and at least it has put the decision of a dog off for a while longer!!
It all started with the
regular late night visits of a hedgehog and later its family. We would sneak
into the garden at night and listen to hear any snuffling. Inevitably at one
point, our prickly friend the hedgehog would appear. Very cute.
It resulted in my youngest
daughter doing her school project/presentation on the subject of hedgehogs, where we researching and learning
about hedgehog pregnancies, hibernation and general eating habits. Fascinating I tell you!
From this grew the interest
in garden wildlife and low and behold we now have a pet tortoise. She has been
christened Tina, but we don’t actually know if she is a girl or not.
She has a wonderful area in
the garden which has now become the centrepoint for all visitors. Everyone is
intrigued and enjoys watching her pad around and stick out her tongue to get her
food. What I have enjoyed the most is watching the kids sit in her compound and
talk to her. I think she has become the family therapist. Can't wait for my turn!
There is indeed something
very soothing about watching her plod around, purposeful and determined.
For now we enjoy it and at least it has put the decision of a dog off for a while longer!!
Signs of the weekend
There are certain rituals that we all have.
For me they start off as things I do, then they gradually become habits and when I realise I like them and activitely note that I am doing them, I think I transfer these unconscious habits to purposeful rituals.
I have two that I like and they concern the weekend.
The first one is that each Friday at 7pm, I annouce to my family that "My favourite time of the week" has arrived. Its a simple statement, but for me it is a sign that family time is here and welcoming the good times in! Its usually just as dinner is beginning and I have a glass of something lovely in my hand. All four of us are round the table, eating someting prepared by our own fair hands and I say "My favourite time of the week is here!" We all smile and collectively acknowledge this moment. Its short, simple and sweet.
The second one is the kitchen machine / food processor. You see we don't have much surface space in our kitchen, so our very funky food processor is tucked away in a drawer. However as we all know, machines in drawers and cupboards do not get much use!
So every Saturday morning I pull it out of the drawer and place it on the surface. We then begin planning how we are going to use it. Typically it starts off with making a smoothie, we throw in banana's, yoghurt, strawberries, oatmeal, milk, whatever we can find. It's a great breakfast treat and starts the process. We then decide if we will make cakes, bake waffles, make bread, make a curry paste etc etc. It's a very creative process and our weekend can be built around it. For example if we chose to bake a cake, we then say "Who shall we invite", if we make a curry, we need to plan in the trip to the Asian supermarket etc etc. Its become such a sign of a relaxed and fun weekend that bringing it out on a Saturday morning is the sign of a splendid weekend! It also helps structure our activities whilst being spontaneous.
So what signs do you have?
Are they simple or somewhat more elaborate?
Were they deisgned or accidental?
Do tell........
For me they start off as things I do, then they gradually become habits and when I realise I like them and activitely note that I am doing them, I think I transfer these unconscious habits to purposeful rituals.
I have two that I like and they concern the weekend.
The first one is that each Friday at 7pm, I annouce to my family that "My favourite time of the week" has arrived. Its a simple statement, but for me it is a sign that family time is here and welcoming the good times in! Its usually just as dinner is beginning and I have a glass of something lovely in my hand. All four of us are round the table, eating someting prepared by our own fair hands and I say "My favourite time of the week is here!" We all smile and collectively acknowledge this moment. Its short, simple and sweet.
The second one is the kitchen machine / food processor. You see we don't have much surface space in our kitchen, so our very funky food processor is tucked away in a drawer. However as we all know, machines in drawers and cupboards do not get much use!
So every Saturday morning I pull it out of the drawer and place it on the surface. We then begin planning how we are going to use it. Typically it starts off with making a smoothie, we throw in banana's, yoghurt, strawberries, oatmeal, milk, whatever we can find. It's a great breakfast treat and starts the process. We then decide if we will make cakes, bake waffles, make bread, make a curry paste etc etc. It's a very creative process and our weekend can be built around it. For example if we chose to bake a cake, we then say "Who shall we invite", if we make a curry, we need to plan in the trip to the Asian supermarket etc etc. Its become such a sign of a relaxed and fun weekend that bringing it out on a Saturday morning is the sign of a splendid weekend! It also helps structure our activities whilst being spontaneous.
So what signs do you have?
Are they simple or somewhat more elaborate?
Were they deisgned or accidental?
Do tell........
Sheer happiness
In the three years I have been blogging, I dont know if I have had one called "happiness". It is possible but I am not sure.
Even if I have had one, I want to name this one "happiness"
Honestly my heart could explode with the emotions that I feel today.
For those of you who know me, you will understand.
As context, for whatever reason, I carry the burden of the family's health on my shoulders. It weighs heavy. Its not that we are stricken with health issues, but the ones we do have I carry with a heavy load. It's my thing.
One of those is the well-being of my eldest daughter. She has some mild things going on, which impact her ability to learn and socialise. As a consequence, she does not have a lot of friends.
In fact, as parents, our hearts have been broken a number of times on this issue.
Today, those broken hearts were repaired and even inflated.
Today she turned 12. For her birthday she invited one person for a sleepover. It was risky, but a risk we were all up for. Now all I can see is that this was one of the best decisions we could have taken.
They built up a tent, chatted til midnight and were up at 7 doing more of the same. They laughed over a movie, went bowling and were given 20 francs for lunch at McDonalds which they were allowed to get themselves. They hung out in the garden and tickled each other, whilst splitting their sides laughing. They visited their friends mum and brought her letters and flowers and best of all, they decided that the sleepover would go on for another night!!!
They are off playing badminton as I type and the day is not over yet.....we have sausages on the open fire, nail varnish and smoothies at 4 and another movie to come!
My hubbie and I have been in awe of their beauty today. In awe of our daughter being happy. In peace at our daughter having fun. It has been a moment for us both. Such a wondeful day.
Her birthday has been so simple. Yet so magical.
My heart is so full of emotion and I am so greatful for this day.
Good Friday is a religious day on the calendar. I won't try to draw any paralells, but for us this day now has a new meaning and a new memory.
(oh and yes I get to eat meat and chocolate very soon too!!!!!!)
Enchanted, Magic, and a little dated
I love reading to my little girl. She adores it too. She hangs on to every word and anticipates what is coming. She often has her own ideas of the next adventures and she simply listens intently and absorbs the story, word by word.
Recently we have moved on to chosing books from my childhood, many of you may have also been exposed to Enid Blyton and as such you may know the books I am referring to.
The Enchanted Wood, The Magic Faraway Tree and The Wishing Chair.
The books are fully of fantasy and childhood dreams. Simple and beautiful. The words conjur up images and the books have very few pictures, so the mind just does its own work.
The books I am reading from are actually my old ones, thus they were published in the early seventies. How times have changed.
The words and expressions used in the books are dated and in fact some of the text would guaranteed not be able to be published today.
Here are a few examples,
The main characters are called Dick and Fanny
The pixie in one book is called Chinky
They call each other stupid
The teachers hit the kids when they are naughty
The mothers let them out all day til late at night
Recently we have moved on to chosing books from my childhood, many of you may have also been exposed to Enid Blyton and as such you may know the books I am referring to.
The Enchanted Wood, The Magic Faraway Tree and The Wishing Chair.
The books are fully of fantasy and childhood dreams. Simple and beautiful. The words conjur up images and the books have very few pictures, so the mind just does its own work.
The books I am reading from are actually my old ones, thus they were published in the early seventies. How times have changed.
The words and expressions used in the books are dated and in fact some of the text would guaranteed not be able to be published today.
Here are a few examples,
The main characters are called Dick and Fanny
The pixie in one book is called Chinky
They call each other stupid
The teachers hit the kids when they are naughty
The mothers let them out all day til late at night
Everything is "queer"
They use the word thrice and awful lot
There are golliwogs running around
I do not edit the stories and these little things go unnoticed. My little one is oblivious to the fact that some things are not really done or said any longer. She just cares about the story and the adventure.
She did ask what a golliwog was though, as we don't have any in the house and her modern books dont mention these friendly little creatures of the past.
So my reflections are just that times are changing, but a good story is still a good story.
There are golliwogs running around
I do not edit the stories and these little things go unnoticed. My little one is oblivious to the fact that some things are not really done or said any longer. She just cares about the story and the adventure.
She did ask what a golliwog was though, as we don't have any in the house and her modern books dont mention these friendly little creatures of the past.
So my reflections are just that times are changing, but a good story is still a good story.
Oozing happiness
Sometimes as a parent you do things right. Many times as a parent you do things wrong.
Allow me to indulge on one thing that we did right.
Over the weekend, I saw my eldest daughter beam in a way I have not seen her do before. The smile came from the bottom of her soul. The happiness that she felt, came out of her pores, the sheer pleasure she was feeling was written on every inch of her body. It was one of the moments I will remember forever.
It actually was a spontaneous moment that easily could not have happened. However it did happen, and it happened with me.
How we get to the moment is actually quite a long story, which was actually more planful and deliberate, yet in its own way it also emerged. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin.
Back in Autumn last year, we were staying in a hotel with activities. One of the kiddie activities was horseriding. Well I say horseriding, but if you paid 5 euros, your child could plod around a piece of land a few times on the back of a pony. I am not a horsey type, I have no experience with animals at all really, thus I am not naturally drawn to such activities, that said I am not averse.
So off we went, plod plod plod. At one point I was asked to steer the horse, which I miserably failed at. I had absolutely no authority and the horse subsequently had zero respect for me. Oh well. However my eldest daughter stepped in, and the horse obliged. Aha!
This made my daughter very happy and gave her a nice confidence boost for the next few days.
The horsey interest had now been awakened. There was now an interest in horse books, looking at horses in fields and asking for lessons. One of my colleagues, who knows a little about some of the obstacles my daughter faces, encouraged me to pursue this interest of hers, saying that it could possibly be something my child needed and would ulimately benefit from. Mmmmm.
So for Christmas, we organized her a voucher for two lessons, the first one on Thursday 8th Jan. She was thrilled when she opened that gift, really thrilled. However that is not the "happy" moment I am talking about.
Over the weekend, we went for a walk. We decided it would be good motivation to say we were going to walk to the stables. On the way, we ended up losing the husband and the youngest daughter to a luring coffee at a friends. So the two of us headed out alone, up the hill in our wellies.
The timing of our visit could not have been better. There was no one around, except the owners of the stables, who were mucking out and feeding the horses. We asked if we could have a look at the horses and it seems like they were welcoming the interruption.
They introduced her to the riding hall, each of the twenty horses, showed her the one she would be learning on, allowed her to feed it, answered all her questions and generally made us feel very welcome. My daughter was in her element, truly exploding with happiness. She could not believe that she was allowed to enter this new world. This new world of beautiful animals and interesting smells.
Her happiness radiated, her excitment was bubbling over and her sheer being was glowing.
Whatever will come of this, who knows. And honestly I don't mind. But I do know that I will encourage her to explore and keep at it, and if she keep just a little of that feeling for the future, she will have found a hobby with purpose and meaning.
So happy we had this moment together and so happy for her to uncover this new world.
Planning for a hobby
We all have our habits, our rituals and our hobbies.
We all have a particular routine which we like to stick to.
We all have a preferred pattern of a day.
Actually articulating it is less easier, but we all know when something is out of the rhythm that it feels a bit odd and, like me, you may try to quickly bring the day back to a certain normality.
My day is filed with the following things:
Going to work
Now and again a trip to gym
Cooking on the weekends
Reading my book if it's an early night
Tidying the house
Doing the washing and other such chores
Going out with friends
Checking Facebook and reading blogs
Texting and face timing/sky ping friends and family
Watching television
I think that list fills my weeks, months and years.
Of course there are other things that creep in, like shopping, sending presents, ironing, garden work, doing a jigsaw, baking a cake, sorting out old things, visiting the school, flying away for the weekend, repairing the kids clothes, and the like, but the above is my staple.
My life, like yours, is pretty full with the staple activities. Once these have been done and taken care of there isn't much time left.
Herein lies my musing for the day. I find when I am in that rare situation that I have time and energy left over after fulfilling all my staples, I find myself at a loss.
It is in these moments, I wish I had a hobby. I imagine that if I knitted, or played the piano, maybe that would be the thing I would turn to. Instead, in absence of that hobby, I do more of the staple. I tidy some more, watch more television or give someone a call.
It is in these moments, I panic (well mildly). I wonder what it will be like when the kids have gone, when weekends are quiet and there are no bedrooms to sort, no bags of clothes to recycle, no games to play and no parks to go to. Will I need to find something new to do? Will my staple not be enough?
So my thought for the day, is do we need hobbies?
Do you have one?
Do I have one?
Do I need one?
Do I need to plan for one?
Or am I overdoing this, and actually there will always be enough to do.
Thoughts anyone?
Loom bands everywhere!
I am sick of loom bands!
Do you know what I am talking about?
These things. Look familiar?
If you do, you are most definitely a parent, or close relative of young children, most likely girls. I tell you I find them everywhere, I swear the vacuum cleaner must be clogged up with them.
It was all getting a bit much, but this weekend, we had loom frenzy madness.
They have been around for nearly a year now and the interest just isn’t weaning.
Instead of doing the usual necklaces, bracelets and charms, see below
............it all went to a whole new level yesterday.
My youngest spent hours researching animals, objects and fancy patterns and then went about trying them all. There were many moments of frustration and anger, at which point I really wanted to ban the darn things and throw them all into the bin, however I restrained myself.
Despite the grievances, my little one perserved and ended up creating things she was very proud, and I guess secretly so am I. A chicken, a bee and a pencil!
That said, as creative as this is and as enjoyable as it may be, the moans and the groans of failed projects was quite frankly annoying.
Anyone else feel like this? Or am I just a rotten mum?
Freakin loom bands!
Do you know what I am talking about?
These things. Look familiar?
If you do, you are most definitely a parent, or close relative of young children, most likely girls. I tell you I find them everywhere, I swear the vacuum cleaner must be clogged up with them.
It was all getting a bit much, but this weekend, we had loom frenzy madness.
They have been around for nearly a year now and the interest just isn’t weaning.
Instead of doing the usual necklaces, bracelets and charms, see below
............it all went to a whole new level yesterday.
My youngest spent hours researching animals, objects and fancy patterns and then went about trying them all. There were many moments of frustration and anger, at which point I really wanted to ban the darn things and throw them all into the bin, however I restrained myself.
Despite the grievances, my little one perserved and ended up creating things she was very proud, and I guess secretly so am I. A chicken, a bee and a pencil!
That said, as creative as this is and as enjoyable as it may be, the moans and the groans of failed projects was quite frankly annoying.
Anyone else feel like this? Or am I just a rotten mum?
Freakin loom bands!
Beautiful words (but will they last into teenage years)
As I was putting my little one to bed, she said:
"Mummy you are the best mummy in the world"
then she paused and said:
"and Daddy is the best Daddy in the world too".
Thats nice I said, why do you say that, I asked.
"Two reasons" she said.
"The first, you are kind."
"The second, you let me do what I want".
Golden eh?
I loved the fact that she appreciated these facts.
So I had a moment of feeling good....................
Then I began wondering. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that I let her sleep in the clothes she wanted to wear for school the next day!!!!
I guess everything!!!
Well she is only 7!
"Mummy you are the best mummy in the world"
then she paused and said:
"and Daddy is the best Daddy in the world too".
Thats nice I said, why do you say that, I asked.
"Two reasons" she said.
"The first, you are kind."
"The second, you let me do what I want".
Golden eh?
I loved the fact that she appreciated these facts.
So I had a moment of feeling good....................
Then I began wondering. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that I let her sleep in the clothes she wanted to wear for school the next day!!!!
I guess everything!!!
Well she is only 7!
Asking for help.
Asking for help is a really difficult thing for many of us.
I will tell you a story. It's a personal story. However 4 or 5 years on, I still reflect back on this story. The teachings were rich and I draw upon them regularly. Each time, saying a personal thank you, to the person who taught me.
About four years ago, we were struggling with school and friends for our eldest daughter. Without disclosing any of her personal details, lets just say she has mild learning and social difficulties, which were causing her emotional distress.
As parents we felt helpless. No one had given us the manufacturers manual for this stuff.
One day at work I was at a bit of a low, and me being me, I was keeping all this to myself.
A colleague of mine saw the weight on my shoulders and asked what was going on. I deflected and did not divulge. She however did not let me off the hook (which was actually a brave strategy considering my closedness on such personal matters).
She dug and poked, till I spilled the beans.
She listened and took it all in.
She then turned around and said, "I can help. I dont know how, but we can solve this one."
I was a little taken aback, but I have to say it felt good to have someone else co-owning the problem and promising to move it forward.
After a while of brainstorming, we came up with a solution.
She said, "Listen, I have a daughter of similar age, I will tell her that your daughter is struggling at school and needs a friend. We will not force it, but I will speak to her and encourage her to be kind and show warmth to another little girl who needs some help."
And that was it.
A few weeks later, we brought them together, just for a few hours, and left them to it.
The experience was wonderful.
They not only got on together, but seemingly enjoyed each other.
Over the period of a few years, we brought them together maybe 3 or 4 times. No more than that. However they became BFF's (Best friends forever!).
I was suprised that a BFF could be built on such few interactions, yet what I failed to understand was that they both enjoyed the fact that each other existed. For mine it was a friend who accepted her for what she was and for the other it was an international exotic new influence in her life with who she could laugh and do silly things with.
Even now they refer to each other as BFF's and I know my daughter draws a lot of strength from this friendship, despite the miles and infrequent play dates, but the sheer fact of her existence is enough to carry her when things get too much.
So story aside, here is the deep learning I got.
You have to let people in. You have to share your stories and let people know what is going on in your life. Keeping it to yourself, does not allow creative new ideas in. Ideas which you would never come up with and ideas that actually work!!
Asking for help is not easy. In fact it is a skill even to know how to ask for help.
However I learned that day 4 or 5 years ago, that asking for help is not a weakness it is a strength.It is a strength that inspires others, allows others to help and ultimately brings goodness to all involved.
Do you share your stories?
Have you also benefited from sharing them?
Do you like hearing others' stories?
Any advise to those of us who struggle sharing?
I will tell you a story. It's a personal story. However 4 or 5 years on, I still reflect back on this story. The teachings were rich and I draw upon them regularly. Each time, saying a personal thank you, to the person who taught me.
About four years ago, we were struggling with school and friends for our eldest daughter. Without disclosing any of her personal details, lets just say she has mild learning and social difficulties, which were causing her emotional distress.
As parents we felt helpless. No one had given us the manufacturers manual for this stuff.
One day at work I was at a bit of a low, and me being me, I was keeping all this to myself.
A colleague of mine saw the weight on my shoulders and asked what was going on. I deflected and did not divulge. She however did not let me off the hook (which was actually a brave strategy considering my closedness on such personal matters).
She dug and poked, till I spilled the beans.
She listened and took it all in.
She then turned around and said, "I can help. I dont know how, but we can solve this one."
I was a little taken aback, but I have to say it felt good to have someone else co-owning the problem and promising to move it forward.
After a while of brainstorming, we came up with a solution.
She said, "Listen, I have a daughter of similar age, I will tell her that your daughter is struggling at school and needs a friend. We will not force it, but I will speak to her and encourage her to be kind and show warmth to another little girl who needs some help."
And that was it.
A few weeks later, we brought them together, just for a few hours, and left them to it.
The experience was wonderful.
They not only got on together, but seemingly enjoyed each other.
Over the period of a few years, we brought them together maybe 3 or 4 times. No more than that. However they became BFF's (Best friends forever!).
I was suprised that a BFF could be built on such few interactions, yet what I failed to understand was that they both enjoyed the fact that each other existed. For mine it was a friend who accepted her for what she was and for the other it was an international exotic new influence in her life with who she could laugh and do silly things with.
Even now they refer to each other as BFF's and I know my daughter draws a lot of strength from this friendship, despite the miles and infrequent play dates, but the sheer fact of her existence is enough to carry her when things get too much.
So story aside, here is the deep learning I got.
You have to let people in. You have to share your stories and let people know what is going on in your life. Keeping it to yourself, does not allow creative new ideas in. Ideas which you would never come up with and ideas that actually work!!
Asking for help is not easy. In fact it is a skill even to know how to ask for help.
However I learned that day 4 or 5 years ago, that asking for help is not a weakness it is a strength.It is a strength that inspires others, allows others to help and ultimately brings goodness to all involved.
Do you share your stories?
Have you also benefited from sharing them?
Do you like hearing others' stories?
Any advise to those of us who struggle sharing?
Spending pocket money
Over the holidays, our girls had twenty pounds pocket money, for their two weeks of holiday.
It was great for them to be independent and wonderful for us to see how they were going to go about spending it.
It was clear that this money was a focus for them most days. Some part of it needed to spent every day. It was like it was burning a hole in their pocket!
We agreed that they were allowed to spend it on what they wanted, however we encouraged them to dicuss their purchases with us, so we could give them some input. And we also asked them not to spend it all on sweets!!!
My youngest took so much pleasure in considering the prices and always ensuring there was some money left for other days.
She bought bracelets, colouring books, pens, and many other little things, see below.
However two things she chose to spend her money on really stick out in my memory.
1. She gave some money to the lady singing beautifully on the streets of Chester and she insisted that it was her money she gave her.
2. She insisted on paying for the car park in Buxton, it was one pound for the pay and display, and despite me explaining that this was mummys and daddys job, she demanded that she paid this time, as we always pay!!
So lovely.
So the money brought treats and education and kindess on many levels!!
And it also lastest the whole two weeks - who would have thought!
Well done girls.
It was great for them to be independent and wonderful for us to see how they were going to go about spending it.
It was clear that this money was a focus for them most days. Some part of it needed to spent every day. It was like it was burning a hole in their pocket!
We agreed that they were allowed to spend it on what they wanted, however we encouraged them to dicuss their purchases with us, so we could give them some input. And we also asked them not to spend it all on sweets!!!
My youngest took so much pleasure in considering the prices and always ensuring there was some money left for other days.
She bought bracelets, colouring books, pens, and many other little things, see below.
1. She gave some money to the lady singing beautifully on the streets of Chester and she insisted that it was her money she gave her.
2. She insisted on paying for the car park in Buxton, it was one pound for the pay and display, and despite me explaining that this was mummys and daddys job, she demanded that she paid this time, as we always pay!!
So lovely.
So the money brought treats and education and kindess on many levels!!
And it also lastest the whole two weeks - who would have thought!
Well done girls.
The familiarity of home
Whatever you do, whatever way you go, whatever drawer you open, it all feels familiar.
It doesn't matter what has happened in the last twenty years, the familiarity of what you knew and repeated in the first twenty years of your life, it's programmed. It's in there. Not budging. Not an inch.
It's the repetetive nature of what you did, never questioning it at the time, not considering there were other ways to do things, it was this way, and change was neither looked for, strived for, nor was it required.
So twenty years later, after not being in this place for such a long time, you repeat it. It's like auto pilot, you actually don't know how to do it any different. It is this way, because it was this way. It doesn't need changing. Change would be wrong.
That's what coming home feels like. Familiar and easy. Comforting and unchallenging.
Can I continue to live this way. Most probably not, but I don't have to. That is not even a question that needs posing. I don't live here. My life is no longer here. Yet none of that matters. The past is here. My story began here. How I became "me" is here.
And today that's all that matters. And right now, I do belong here. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
It doesn't matter what has happened in the last twenty years, the familiarity of what you knew and repeated in the first twenty years of your life, it's programmed. It's in there. Not budging. Not an inch.
It's the repetetive nature of what you did, never questioning it at the time, not considering there were other ways to do things, it was this way, and change was neither looked for, strived for, nor was it required.
So twenty years later, after not being in this place for such a long time, you repeat it. It's like auto pilot, you actually don't know how to do it any different. It is this way, because it was this way. It doesn't need changing. Change would be wrong.
That's what coming home feels like. Familiar and easy. Comforting and unchallenging.
Can I continue to live this way. Most probably not, but I don't have to. That is not even a question that needs posing. I don't live here. My life is no longer here. Yet none of that matters. The past is here. My story began here. How I became "me" is here.
And today that's all that matters. And right now, I do belong here. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
My philosophical babe
My little one has been called "philosophical" by her teacher a number of times.
I found this very cute, but couldn't really identify with it. What was she on about?
However increasingly so, I have heard some very lovely phrases from my little 6 year old, which gave me an understanding into what her teacher was saying.
Example one:
She had to learn a poem for school. It was about 12 lines long, so not so easy.
She practised and practised.
So much so, within a few hours, she had nailed it and had it word perfect.
After one of her recitals, she said:
"Mummy, if I like something, I am good at it, yet if I don't like something, I don't get good at it"
Yeah - dead right!
It's so true. And she has it all worked out. I am sure leading psychologists have spent millions researching and proving that, which she just worked out very simply.
The second lot of wise words, came whilst on a bike ride home from the supermarket.
Example two:
Her little legs were tired and she needed to rest.
She then began singing whilst she was peddalling.
She then said. " Mum, I have realised that if I sing whilst I pedal, the time goes much quicker and my legs hurt less"
Indeed it's true!
The beauty of distraction.
So there you have it, my little one is a born philosopher. Either that, or she just says what she feels.
Proud moments.
I found this very cute, but couldn't really identify with it. What was she on about?
However increasingly so, I have heard some very lovely phrases from my little 6 year old, which gave me an understanding into what her teacher was saying.
Example one:
She had to learn a poem for school. It was about 12 lines long, so not so easy.
She practised and practised.
So much so, within a few hours, she had nailed it and had it word perfect.
After one of her recitals, she said:
"Mummy, if I like something, I am good at it, yet if I don't like something, I don't get good at it"
Yeah - dead right!
It's so true. And she has it all worked out. I am sure leading psychologists have spent millions researching and proving that, which she just worked out very simply.
The second lot of wise words, came whilst on a bike ride home from the supermarket.
Example two:
Her little legs were tired and she needed to rest.
She then began singing whilst she was peddalling.
She then said. " Mum, I have realised that if I sing whilst I pedal, the time goes much quicker and my legs hurt less"
Indeed it's true!
The beauty of distraction.
So there you have it, my little one is a born philosopher. Either that, or she just says what she feels.
Proud moments.
They allow me to be a Mother
Yesterday was Mothers Day in many parts of the world.
Last year I did a tribute to some of the Mothers I know. See here.
This year I want to pay tribute to the two little people who allow me to have the title "Mother".
Daughter One - age 11 - goes under many names including Noodles, Munchkin or Lililoops
The things that I love the most about her are:
She is kind
She is resilient
She knows how to get what she needs
She asks pertinent and very interesting questions
She is very capable and independent
She can amuse herself for hours, playing school or hotel reception
She never ever gives up, when others would
She will give anything a try
She swims like a fish
She is not mean or unkind to anyone and doesn't understand why others are
Daughter Two - age 6 - goes under many names including Pumpkin, Fiafoops or Poopsie
The things that I love the most about her are:
She shares all her things
She likes climbing trees
She takes pleasure in beautiful things including laying her clothes on the floor the night before so creatively and perfectly
She laughs at silly things
She eats fruit and vegetables in masses
She enjoys being read to and going to sleep at night
She is philosophical and asks big questions
She likes to learn
She likes to bake cakes
She comes into my bed every morning for a cuddle before I get up
Without them I would not be able to be a mother, so today its all about them. I thank them for loving me so much, for all the cuddles, the card games, for needing me. I thank them for tolerating me for rushing them, for my impatience and for the times when I am too busy doing other things.
And I thank them for allowing me to be their mother.
Happy Mothers day!
Last year I did a tribute to some of the Mothers I know. See here.
This year I want to pay tribute to the two little people who allow me to have the title "Mother".
Daughter One - age 11 - goes under many names including Noodles, Munchkin or Lililoops
The things that I love the most about her are:
She is kind
She is resilient
She knows how to get what she needs
She asks pertinent and very interesting questions
She is very capable and independent
She can amuse herself for hours, playing school or hotel reception
She never ever gives up, when others would
She will give anything a try
She swims like a fish
She is not mean or unkind to anyone and doesn't understand why others are
Daughter Two - age 6 - goes under many names including Pumpkin, Fiafoops or Poopsie
The things that I love the most about her are:
She shares all her things
She likes climbing trees
She takes pleasure in beautiful things including laying her clothes on the floor the night before so creatively and perfectly
She laughs at silly things
She eats fruit and vegetables in masses
She enjoys being read to and going to sleep at night
She is philosophical and asks big questions
She likes to learn
She likes to bake cakes
She comes into my bed every morning for a cuddle before I get up
Without them I would not be able to be a mother, so today its all about them. I thank them for loving me so much, for all the cuddles, the card games, for needing me. I thank them for tolerating me for rushing them, for my impatience and for the times when I am too busy doing other things.
And I thank them for allowing me to be their mother.
Happy Mothers day!
Dreams - reality??
My little daughter bundled into my room early this morning, she was full of energy and excitement.
She hugged me and said "Thank you so much mummy!"
A little startled and taken aback, I wiped my eyes and kind of came to. I then asked what are you thanking me for?
She said for the big Easter bunny! She seemed so happy and greatful.
I was confused.
1. It was not yet Easter
2. I had not bought her a big Easter bunny!
I then asked further. "What Easter bunny honey?"
To which she said, the one in my dream.
Agh!!!!
That Easter bunny.
She was so happy.
So here is the question..........
Was she being smart and clever and emotionally blackmailing me into buying her one, or did she really have this dream and it was her reality??
Thoughts???
Either way, I think I know what I need to do later today!
She hugged me and said "Thank you so much mummy!"
A little startled and taken aback, I wiped my eyes and kind of came to. I then asked what are you thanking me for?
She said for the big Easter bunny! She seemed so happy and greatful.
I was confused.
1. It was not yet Easter
2. I had not bought her a big Easter bunny!
I then asked further. "What Easter bunny honey?"
To which she said, the one in my dream.
Agh!!!!
That Easter bunny.
She was so happy.
So here is the question..........
Was she being smart and clever and emotionally blackmailing me into buying her one, or did she really have this dream and it was her reality??
Thoughts???
Either way, I think I know what I need to do later today!
Keeping it real
Today I was called into my daughters school.
One of my daughters was being bullied by two others and it had escalated. The teacher apparently had thrown the boys out of the class, as she was apparently disgusted with what she had witnessed.
The parents of the children doing the bullying were being brought in for a discussion, with the school counsellor and the teacher.
I dropped everything and cycled like the wind to the school to be there.
My heart was pumping, how could anyone bully my little girl. She is so good and kind.
I have to say the teacher was amazing. She knew the right words to say and described the situation with such clarity, to the children, to the parents. Calmly, fact based, yet with kindess and empathy.
Her opening words to my daughter were:
"It is not your fault"
"You have the support of everyone"
Its the things she needed to hear.
After listening intently to the teacher, my little girl said:, "I have one question"
"Why do they do it?"
My heart melted.
Her innocence and goodness, could not fathom why anyone would do this to her.
Why do they do it?
The explanation is of course complicated, but the question broke my heart.
So that's todays blog. Just keeping it real.
One of my daughters was being bullied by two others and it had escalated. The teacher apparently had thrown the boys out of the class, as she was apparently disgusted with what she had witnessed.
The parents of the children doing the bullying were being brought in for a discussion, with the school counsellor and the teacher.
I dropped everything and cycled like the wind to the school to be there.
My heart was pumping, how could anyone bully my little girl. She is so good and kind.
I have to say the teacher was amazing. She knew the right words to say and described the situation with such clarity, to the children, to the parents. Calmly, fact based, yet with kindess and empathy.
Her opening words to my daughter were:
"It is not your fault"
"You have the support of everyone"
Its the things she needed to hear.
After listening intently to the teacher, my little girl said:, "I have one question"
"Why do they do it?"
My heart melted.
Her innocence and goodness, could not fathom why anyone would do this to her.
Why do they do it?
The explanation is of course complicated, but the question broke my heart.
So that's todays blog. Just keeping it real.
Are you a pirate?
A little boy asked me recently, if I was dressed as a pirate.
On realising why he was asking, I simply answered yes.
It was an easier answer than, "No I am not a pirate, I have an auto immune condition that made my hair fall out and as a result I wear hats as wigs make my head itch"
So yes, I told him, I was a pirate. He seemed perfectly fine with that.
However a little while later, my six year old, who had overheard the conversation, came and whispered to me.
She said, "Mummy you are not a pirate, you are wearing a head scarf."
She seemed very concerned that the boy was mocking me, although I don't believe he was at all.
It was heart warming to see how protective my little one was of me and how she wanted to check that he had not offended me in anyway.
I reassured her that it was OK.
I felt happy to be a pirate anyway.
See Alopecia has its cool side!
On realising why he was asking, I simply answered yes.
It was an easier answer than, "No I am not a pirate, I have an auto immune condition that made my hair fall out and as a result I wear hats as wigs make my head itch"
So yes, I told him, I was a pirate. He seemed perfectly fine with that.
However a little while later, my six year old, who had overheard the conversation, came and whispered to me.
She said, "Mummy you are not a pirate, you are wearing a head scarf."
She seemed very concerned that the boy was mocking me, although I don't believe he was at all.
It was heart warming to see how protective my little one was of me and how she wanted to check that he had not offended me in anyway.
I reassured her that it was OK.
I felt happy to be a pirate anyway.
See Alopecia has its cool side!
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