I want to go public

Whilst daydreaming on a plane today, I decided that I want to go public with my alopecia. Not just now and again, going bald in a new place. But a story in a magazine, with photos with me doing my daily life, working, cycling, hanging out.

A photo shoot. Bald and beautiful. Most definitely bold.

Problem is. I have not got a clue how to begin on this journey.

Is it time to ask for help?



Raw and laid out

There are some people, where laying it all out is just perfect.

The good, the bad and the downright ugly. Laid out and raw.

It is so liberating to lay it all out, tell it how it is and hide nothing.

In the past, I may have hidden some of the bad stuff. Why I don't know.

Maybe to protect my ego? Maybe I couldn't find the words? Maybe to live in denial? Maybe to have an easier life? Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But now, I am enjoying just laying it out. Seems wrong not to.

I am not talking about displaying my emotions for all to see, but what's wrong with being brutally honest with those good people around me?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Fish and conscious change

I had a full on medical last year and it went well. I was poked, prodded, measured, asked to blow, asked to listen, asked to look and asked to run. You name it, they looked at it.

The fantastic news, was that all my things were doing what they are supposed to be doing.  All my numbers were in the right range. And all my bits were doing their job.

A gift. A clear bill of health. I did not take it for granted.

One piece of feedback that I did get, was around my nutrition. Whilst I seemingly have a bit of everything in my weekly diet, I had a huge void when it came to omega three.

I ate no fish for a start, no flax seed, no soya, no beans, no walnuts, basically nothing in my diet gave me this.

So I decided to look into this and make some changes. Surely I could find a creative way to eat salmon, tuna and kidney beans.

It is quite amazing, the results achieved through conscious change.

I did not intend to eat more omega three, I did not talk about it. I decided and committed to change my diet.

As a result, I now eat fish regularly. Let's be clear, it is still not my favourite. And I would chose spare ribs, steak, burger any time, if I had a choice.  However, I always chose fish when I go out for work dinners in nice restaurants. Often when we have a BBQ, we put salmon on there. And sometimes in my salad from the office shops and restaurants, I will add in tuna. That is a huge change.

I asked my hubby, who often does the shopping, that he should put some fish in the trolley. I then found some recipes that seemed semi appealing including these ingredients. (Rock on Jamie Oliver!)  And with these deliberate changes, I now find myself with enough omega three in my diet.

And that's without taking a spoon of cod liver oil every morning!! Ha Ha!

So forgive me if this sounded a bit preachy. I just wanted to highlight that with committment and deliberate intent, things can change.

Even I can eat fish!








I have lost my hair (again)

During the weekend, I rarely wear my wig. It is hats all round.

So come Monday morning, I often have to search for my wig, to ensure I look "corporate" enough to go to work.

This Monday was a mess.

I couldn't find my hair anywhere.

I checked out the usual places. Next to my bed, in my handbag, on the stack of drawers. Nowhere.

And once I had exhausted the obvious places, I began to panic as there was no other place where it could logically be.

Oh no. I had lost my hair.

I carried on looking, and my husband, who had began to notice my somewhat frantic behaviour, called out, "What's up? Can I help?"

In return I shouted. "I have lost my hair!"

To which he replied, "Oh that's just not fair. Losing your hair twice, well that's just cruel"

It took me a while to understand what he meant.

Then I realised the irony of it all.

It's true, I had already lost my hair!!!!!

Anyway needless to say, I shortly found my hair.  But when I did, I was smiling at my husbands insights and humour at my situation!!!

Smart ass!



Times

There are certain times of the day that I love.
For example I love 8.30.

I love it in the morning, as it means I have had enough sleep.

And I love it in the evening, as it means that there is enough time to still do something.

Yes, 8.30 is a good one.

I also love 10.23. This is because thats my birthday. When I see this time on a digital clock, it always makes me smile.

I most definitely don't like 6.00. This is because it is either way too early or because I am still at work trying to get back home in time for dinner.

Whats your favourite time?

Do you have one? Or am I the only odd one odd there.

Its 3.20 now. Now that's just a really a rubbish time.

Top 10 things about this Summer

This Summer has been amazing is so many ways, and here are some of my favourite memories


1. Playing playmobile for hours - young and old!!!


2. Picking and eating fruit from the garden (only a 6 year old could have designed this)



3. Trying cloudberry dessert for the first time, days after they were picked




4. Enjoying the midnight sun and the norwegian sky with the best of friends



5. Day trips on boats exercusions on boats with the Alps as a backdrop and stopping off to make a Swiss Army knife



6. Floating down the river

7. Little girls ways of expressing how they feel. We are starving hot and boiling hungry!!

8. Trying new things in the kitchen (focaccia and manchester tart)

9. Watching little girls make tree salad for about 6 hours

10. Still remembering the first Summer BBQ wtih freinds on a cheeky Monday night with a checked tablecloth and way too much wine!



Thank you Summer for bringing me home!

What she said afterwards

When little people stay over, they operate with different rules. They operate with little worry about adult rules that make no sense. Quite right too!

For example, as an adult I feel uncomfortable going into a friend's bedroom. It's not that I expect to see rude things or dirty washing lying around (well you never know). It is more about respecting their private space. So as a rule, you never go in.

I would most definfitely, never go into a friends bedroom, whilst they were sleeping. That is just an adult No No.

Yet as a child, these rules don't exist. Why would they? Everyone goes into their bedroom. It's just a place with stuff in, in fact a place with pretty cool stuff in, if you're a kid.

So as my friends little girl was staying over, around 8am both her and my 6 year old, popped into our bedroom, for a play on the floor.

There were suprisingly quiet, so at first I didn't hear them, but I think the giggling at some point, gave them away.

Like every other night in the Summer, I was in bed, with my naked head. Just lying there, drifting in and out of sleep, deliberating whether to get up or not.  It took me a few minutes to realise that the little girl in my bedroom, had probably noticed my bald head, and it was too late to hide away.

Shortly after, they left the room as clearly it was too dull for their needs.

Later that day, I mentioned to my friend, that her daughter had come in that morning, just in case she said anything weird, later that day.

As it happened, they did have a conversation about her morning visit and it went like this:

"Honey, I heard you went into my friends room this morning and she was not wearing her hat. Was it strange seeing her without her hat on?"

Apparently, she looked confused and then said "No, why would it be?"  She clearly found the question bizarre and had no idea what her mum was getting out.

So there you have it.

It's not weird to be bald. This little girl found it normal. Maybe I will also find it normal, one day too. If she wasn't shocked, then why would others be? 

Urged on and inspired by this little treasure, there is every chance, I may get to where I need to.

Thanks O-pants!

Messing about on the river

I have loved (and am still loving) Summer in my new city. My new old city.

You see, we are rediscovering it, and now we are doing things with little girls, rather than babies and toddlers.

Top of my list for Summer 2013 is Rhine swimming.

As you may know, through Basel flows the river Rhine. It has a very strong current and as a result the ships flow down the river at very fast speed. However, during a hot Summer, like this one, the current slows down a little and the water level drops, allowing people to float lazily a few kilometers down the river.

Hundreds and hundreds of people join in this activitiy on a hot day, and thousands over the summer period.

The float  (calling it a swim suggests more activity that is actually required) goes from one end of the city to the other and gives the most sensational view of the whole city as you float by. The water is warm, 24 degrees and the sun can be hot. 33 degrees, the day we went.

There is a start point and an end point, and multiple other points of entry or departure along the way.
Below is a picture of the most used start point.




People, including me, my husband, my brave sister and our fearless little girls, jump in here, with their waterproof Rhine bags and begin the cruise down the river.

There are always many people around you, so you feel safe and in good company. The waterproof bags, designed purposefully for this activity, act as superb pillows, to make the journey even more enjoyable.

So next time you are in Basel and its a hot day, go to the Rhine and join in the fun. It's for the whole family and it's free!

What failure allows you to see

So what do the below have in common???

Well the title may have given it away. The first is lemon meringue pie.

OK so the smart ones amongst you, have spotted that it is not. Well it was meant to be. But my pastry collapsed and would no longer support a liquid content, so it became a pastry base. A thick and ugly one.

I have to say, I got very angry and disillusioned with myself over this cake. I called myself all kinds of things, and behaved, quite frankly, like a baby throwing its toys out of the cot.

It was my sister who saved the day. She remained positive, did not get sucked into my tanturm and began suggesting all sorts of other ideas and ensuring that the pastry came to good use.

In the end, with her and my eldest daughters' support, we created a marvellous Manchester tart. Pastry, jam, banana and thick custard. It was gobbled up in minutes. Not quite lemon meringue pie, but it was most definitely inspired.

So this will not become my piece de resistance, that I am so desperately searching. However it is clear, that through failure, we definitely get to experience something new and even better we get to see the best in other people. They get a chance to come through for you!!!

 



BUT THEN, came the success!!!!

The focaccia was tremendous.

Just look at this sensational sandwich.

Home made and it smelt heavenly.




So, the morale of the story. Keep trying. Through failure, you realise how fab your sister is. Through failure you get to see others creativity. And through failure, you keep trying.

So what have you failed at today and what have you learned??

The walk of shame

Every work day I do it, this self titled "walk of shame". Infact I do it twice.

No one knows, or most likely even cares, about this walk. Yet every time I do it, I say to myself. "Here I go on my 20 second walk of shame."

So what is it, this walk of shame?

Well as I have told you, I cycle to work every day. Whatever the weather. I love it. And would not have it any other way.

Under my cycle helmet I have my peaked cap on, which fits perfectly underneath it and offers some shade to my eyelash-free eyes.

I park my bike in a very choiceful spot. It is under a roof and right next to a set of doors. Just behind the set of doors, about 10 metres in, are the toilets / bathrooms.

It is here, that I take off my hat and put on my hair. Ready to enter my workplace campus and take on the day.

However the walk from my bike to the toilets, takes about 20 seconds and it is this path I have named, my walk of shame, as it is here I feel exposed with my hat on, in a very corporate environment 

I walk inhumanly fast, never running. I look down, so as not to catch the eyes of any other employees and I make a beeline to the toilet entrance.

Noone makes me feel this shame. It's just mine. No one says you can't wear hats at work, yet it's me that believes I look wrong.

As I write this, I realise how stupid I am being. I am realising it is me and how I need to change my filters.

Shouldn't I name this my walk of pride? Shouldn't I walk this path with confidence and my head held high? Shouldn't I recognise the journey I have come on and not care what others think?   Shouldn't I strut down the path, meeting the eyes of strangers, quietly saying "Hi look at me, dont I look great!"

The answer is obviously yes to all of these questions, but I am not there yet.

This is a journey and possibly the last few miles are the hardest.

It is a journey of no return, with no way back. I will get to the destination one day. Of that I am sure.

Maybe this year, maybe in ten. What I know is that the journey is conscious. The journey is with purpose and every step with deliberation. Some steps flow, others need courage and support.

But with you I will make it.

Upping my domestic game

It is either because I have turned 40 or that I have more time on my hands, but I have decided that I need to up my domestic game.

You see when we go to parties or are invited over for dinner, I usually stress about what to bring. Wine is easy, but a salad or dessert equals crisis.

It is not that I am a bad cook, nor is it that I don't cook. It is more that I want to have that special pièce de résistance to bring along. A piece that people would say, ooo if you are coming will you bring your special xxxxxxx !! A piece that is recognized as mine and is my signature bringalong.

I have now decided it is time that I get this object, this pièce in my repertoire.

Things are going to change.

At 40, its time to up my domestic game.

So I have committed to try out new things in my spare time. This will include baking bread, focaccia, biscuits and cakes. Somewhere amongst these I am sure I will find something that is different and magical that I can bring along to a party.

So why now do I have this inclination? A few years ago, I was happy to have something for dinner, even happier if I had the chance to attend a night out somewhere else. Yet now, I am ready for fancy!

So why now? Well I think it is all about capacity. My children are getting a little older and I am looking outside of work for inspiration. And it is this combination of these two that encourages me to be creative for the benefit of bringing a nice gift to friends.

I am actually quite excited of what will happen in the next few weeks.

Time to get out the recipe books and flick through on the sofa.

Any pointers anyone?

What is your pièce de résistance?

Stay tuned for mine.

Re - integration

When you go somehwere new, it is exciting.
Be it for a holiday, a day trip or for a few years.
The discoveries of new people, new foods and new ways of doing things is fascinating. Every day is fun and challenging

Moving to a new place is magical. In so many ways. So very very exciting. Yes it can be frustrating, but most things are sheer delight.

Going back somehwere is different.

You are not interesting. You are not special. You know your way around. You don't get offered help. You dont get support from the company. You just get on with it.

Yet you don't fit in, you don't know how things work, you have changed, they have changed, it has changed, you don't remember what you loved so much.

Yet as the time goes on, this changes.

You love it again, you know why this is home, you love your friends deeply, you enjoy your neighbourhood, you know you want to stay forever. You don't understand why you felt so bad a few months ago. You fit in.

I think this reintegration is an unknown phenonemem. Companies spend millions shipping people around the world, helping with cultural education, offering spousal support, a few days with a welcome agent, language training, you name it, good companies offer it.  Yet on return, you get your plane ticket home and if you are lucky a desk to sit on.

It's as if, reintegration is plug and play.

Well it's not. Its bloody hard.

So there it is captured and stated. It's now time to move on, look forward, but for any of you about to experience this move back. Be prepared. And don't stress, it will all come good.

More DHCP anyone?

Every few years, I go to the dermatologist.

The main reason is to confirm that I have alopecia universalis and to get a medical statement that says this. This you see, allows me to get financial support for my wigs.

So off I went, for my 5 year check.

The Doctor asked me the usual questions. I then showed her my bald head. She asked if I had hair anywhere. She said "what nowhere?" in complete suprise. Well she was rather young.

She suggested I consider treatment.

Are you mad woman? Did you not read my blog on unpleasant treatments.No way jose! I am all about living with alopecia, not suffering with it.

She suggested that I come back in a few months. Why in heavens name would I do that?

She did not actually know why.

There is you see no treatments out there, none under development and none to be trialled. She confirmed that.

So I thanked her for her time and left.

No more dermatologists for another 5 years now. No more poking and prodding.

And lots more living with alopecia