Supermarkets, alopecia and hedgehogs

You know those supermarket magazines that drop on to your door mat every week, do you read them? Or do they make their way straight to the paper recycling bin?

I tend to flick through them most weeks, you never know what you will find. Could be a coupon for half price fishfingers if you are lucky.

Anyway this week I came across a wonderful article on Alopecia.

Anyone who reads German its here:

http://www.migrosmagazin.ch/menschen/portraet/artikel/gluecklich-trotz-haarausfall

Who would have thought. No coupon for fishfingers though !

It was about a little boy whose parents were being interviewed. It was a lovely story, nothing dramatic, just their story. They went on to talk about a book they had written for kids on the subject.

It was a tale about a hedghog loosing his spikes.  "Samus grosse Stolz"  Great idea.

The article also explained that they are establishing an alopecian network across Switzerland. A number of years ago I had searched for soemthing like this, yet had never found it. Thats because it didnt exist. So I contacted them, and now I am a member.

Not sure what or anything will come of it, but its good to at least hear from others and know what is moving in the area of research etc.

In the meantime I am off to buy the book. 

Mental models shifting

Sitting with 7 other women we were chatting away. Supposedly about a book, but we got slightly off track. For whatever reason we ended up talking about parents who had split up and or remarried.

Following a quick round table, we quickly established that all of us had either parents who had split up or within our own marriages, there was a divorce that had happened. 

There was no one round the table who had parents that were still together and who was still married to their partner, for whom both of them it was a first time marriage.

In short, divorce is part of everyones story nowardays. It touches us all.

In fact anything else is unusual, divorce and patchwork families are the norm.

I guess this is what society has been telling us for a while, but I think this was the first time for me to see it right in front of me.

That said, the normality of this seemed perfectly fine. Clearly everyone had their own story of emotion, and difficulties, yet it just seeems part of life now in many ways and part of everyones story. There was no shame and no blame present, hurt and impact for sure, but acceptance and even better futures were described.

Life is about adapting to new norms, connecting the dots and not being hung up in what "should" be or what models were common in the past. I guess this was my moment of societal shift. Divorce is now normal. Staying together is not.

Do you have moments when you realise your mental model has shifted?

Anyone had one recently?

Have I taken too long on this one?

What had taken me so long?

Anyway, back to my abnormal marriage and my unpathchworked children.

Is there a letter in you?

If you were to write a letter, who would you write it to?

What would you say?

Why does it matter?

Somehow there is a letter left in us all to write. Yet something stops us doing it.

I am not suggesting you do it. I am just asking if you are aware of it.

Stuffication

I can take no credit for the title of this blog, namely stuffication. But I think it is a really cool word, which describes a lot of what I often feel and listening to my friends, what they often feel too.

Having moved houses a lot over the years, I like to think I have sorted out and recycled plenty, but the truth be told, I have a house of stuff. It's often useful stuff that we use, yet there is plenty of it and it's everywhere.

Listening to one of my favourite podcasts, the phenomenen of stuffication was being debated, at length.

It seems that we are a society of buyers and hoarders. Each day we bring new things in to the house and each day we enjoy looking and finding sentimental items which we keep in our houses, because they provide an emotional attachment to something that we value.

The consequence is therefore stuff everywhere. Good stuff, but still stuff.

The question that the podcast was debating, was what constituted "modest consumption?"

I would like to think I am a modest consumer of many things, for example we only have one car which we seldom use, we cook many things from scratch and avoid plastic containers in supermarkets hosting fruit and veg, we often sell thing on eBay, we regularly remove items from our wardrobes, give a ton of stuff to charity shops and encourage the kids to have yard sales or stalls on flea markets.  That said, we drive, we fly, we buy new clothes and buy things if we want them. We also throw things away, including food and we can be wasteful.   So no on reflection, I am not a modest consumer at all.

Are you?

Are you conscious about your consumption?

Do you care?

Do you wish you were different?

One solution I loved, was the concept of a sort out in January. On Jan 1st, find one item to recycle/remove from your house, on Jan 2nd two, on Jan 3rd three and so on. If you consequently do this for the whole month of Janaury, you will succesfully remove 459 items from your house!! Got to be worth a try.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Do any of you not suffer from this?

Was it a conscious decision and how does it make you feel?

Do let me know.

Does my new wig look good????

How do I make it OK for people to comment on my hair???

This question has been on my mind for the past few days. You see I changed my hairstyle over the holidays and have something a little different. Fringe with bob and dark colour, versus the old wig which was layered, highlighted and longer.

It is a nice change and I like it a lot.

However at work, no one has passed comment. Its like no one has noticed. Yet of course they have, as it is different. I guess it is because people don't know how to comment.

Nice wig?

New hair?

Different style?

You have had your hair cut? Well er I guess you haven't as you don't have any?

It's not that I am seeking compliments (however I won't say they are not welcome) but the fact that no one says anything, means that they don't find the words.

Any thoughts on how I can change this?

Or maybe I shouldn't change it?

Or maybe my hair is nasty and no one dares tell me - Aghhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Oh well another alopecia dilemma.

Happy Friday.

Ignorance of Asia

Having been to Asia a little, Malaysia, Singapore and HongKong, I had some exposure, but the truth is, I knew little. Travelling to Japan and China was an enlightment and amazing experience.

Here are some of my insights

Retirement in China is at 50 for jobs involving labour eg production line
Chinese food is very light, fruity and has lots of vegetables in it
Grandparents look after their grandchildren, parents work long hours
Women are present at all levels in the workforce
The policy of one child only has been lifted
Shuttle buses and food are provided by many companies
Private cars have only been in existence in the last 20 years (the quality of driving reflects this)
Execution of work is at an extremely high standard

In Japan, toilets are at a whole new level. 3 things of note. Toilet seats are warm (I learned to love this!), there is a button to make noise in public toilets, I presume to hide any embarassing body noises and finally there are lots of buttons for variations of bum wash (and as a consequence, toilet paper is horribly thin and barely used)
Taxi's are prisitine. Our driver even had white gloves on!
Suitcases come off the conveyor belt in an airport, all lined up with the handles facing out!
I have no clue how to pick rice
Japanese quality is very much about the aesthetics and visual of a product. Beauty is critical.
Biscuits are individually wrapped
Slippers are worn in the office

and the list goes on..................

It was fascinating and I can't wait to go back. The people, the food, the culture and their aspirations are just mind blowing. Also the respect they show to each other, specifically in Japan, is just art and beauty combined.

What an education. Anyone else want to share their insights?

Oozing happiness

Sometimes as a parent you do things right. Many times as a parent you do things wrong.

Allow me to indulge on one thing that we did right.

Over the weekend, I saw my eldest daughter beam in a way I have not seen her do before. The smile came from the bottom of her soul. The happiness that she felt, came out of her pores, the sheer pleasure she was feeling was written on every inch of her body. It was one of the moments I will remember forever.

It actually was a spontaneous moment that easily could not have happened. However it did happen, and it happened with me. 

How we get to the moment is actually quite a long story, which was actually more planful and deliberate, yet in its own way it also emerged. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin.

Back in Autumn last year, we were staying in a hotel with activities. One of the kiddie activities was horseriding. Well I say horseriding, but if you paid 5 euros, your child could plod around a piece of land a few times on the back of a pony. I am not a horsey type, I have no experience with animals at all really, thus I am not naturally drawn to such activities, that said I am not averse.

So off we went, plod plod plod. At one point I was asked to steer the horse, which I miserably failed at. I had absolutely no authority and the horse subsequently had zero respect for me. Oh well. However my eldest daughter stepped in, and the horse obliged. Aha!

This made my daughter very happy and gave her a nice confidence boost for the next few days.

The horsey interest had now been awakened. There was now an interest in horse books, looking at horses in fields and asking for lessons. One of my colleagues, who knows a little about some of the obstacles my daughter faces, encouraged me to pursue this interest of hers, saying that it could possibly be something my child needed and would ulimately benefit from. Mmmmm. 

So for Christmas, we organized her a voucher for two lessons, the first one on Thursday 8th Jan. She was thrilled when she opened that gift, really thrilled. However that is not the "happy" moment I am talking about.

Over the weekend, we went for a walk. We decided it would be good motivation to say we were going to walk to the stables. On the way, we ended up losing the husband and the youngest daughter to a luring coffee at a friends. So the two of us headed out alone, up the hill in our wellies.

The timing of our visit could not have been better. There was no one around, except the owners of the stables, who were mucking out and feeding the horses. We asked if we could have a look at the horses and it seems like they were welcoming the interruption. 

They introduced her to the riding hall, each of the twenty horses, showed her the one she would be learning on, allowed her to feed it, answered all her questions and generally made us feel very welcome.  My daughter was in her element, truly exploding with happiness. She could not believe that she was allowed to enter this new world. This new world of beautiful animals and interesting smells.

Her happiness radiated, her excitment was bubbling over and her sheer being was glowing.

Whatever will come of this, who knows. And honestly I don't mind. But I do know that I will encourage her to explore and keep at it, and if she keep just a little of that feeling for the future, she will have found a hobby with purpose and meaning.

So happy we had this moment together and so happy for her to uncover this new world.

                                     

Being bald in Japan

You can expect a post about my Asian adventures shortly, however it is time to document some alopecia moments, of which I had one this week in Japan.

I was asked to present a few slides to the site which we were visiting. All 300 people gathered in the canteen to hear what we had to say. Apart from everyone, myself included, wearing slippers and leaving our shoes outside the buildig, the set up was very familiar. 

Just as I took the microphone, I noticed a striking lady in the audience. She was stunning. Bright eyes, beautiful skin and a glorious smile.  She also had a shiny head.

She was completely bald.

I had to hold myself back from going up to her and asking about her choice to be bald in the workplace. Many things stopped me, not least of all, the fact that she most likely did not speak any English.

I was deeply moved by her being in the audience.

I have not come across many openly bald people and never one in the workplace.

We are in a corporate setting and although you do see all sorts of shapes and sizes, I believe most people conform to a kind of professional norm. A certain conservatism reigns.

This lady however, had not conformed. She was bald and she was simply gorgeous.

She is the one bold, bald and beautiful, not I.

I chose not to approach the lady, I did not know enough about Japanese culture to attempt a conversation, I chose to admire her silently.

However I would have loved to have understood her choice.

Had it been an obvious choice for her?

Did she get any feedback or noticed any bias based on her appearance?

Was it a practial choice because of the work she performed or was it lifestyle?

I guess I will never know. But dear Japanese lady, thank you, thank you for being brave.

Thank you for role modelling to many that bald is a good choice.

Head space, ginger tea and 10 minutes more

Preparing for a long haul flight going East, I decided to get myself physically ready.

Its amazing what a little head space allows. You see as I am still on holiday, my capacity for thinking is significantly improved, so instead of just throwing things into a bag and running to the airport, I actually planned my trip with more thought.

The day before I made myself a fresh ginger and lemon tea. You see following virtually all long haul flights, I walk off the plane with a stinking cold. Its like clock work, the wheels touch the runway and out comes the first sneeze. So my hope is that fresh chopped ginger will boost the immune system like it promises with a ton of vitamin C to go!

 

Now as I wait in the lounge, I avoid the coffee and the alcohol of course, and head straight to the bowl of nectarines. Is a banana or apple the next best option?

In addition, the holiday head space allowed me to pack smartly. As always with just handluggage, but with the additional challenge of gifts (as I have been advised to take with me) and 2 computers. These days soemhome I need both my laptop and my PC.  This does seem counter productive. And I am going for 7 days. But I did it with a bit of planning and maneuvering.  

Also in line with a kind of new year resolution that I did not really make but do plan to embrace more, I chose to go to the airport earlier than I usually would. Infact an hour earlier.

So here I am at the airport with time to kill, another unusual phenomenon. It is in the hope of giving me that needed time to breathe and replace the constant rushing and time managing, because really the extra 10 minutes here or there saved by rushing, may be better spent taking it a little easy and hey who knows that may also help beating the long haul flight diseases I always walk out with.

Will let you know in 12 hours when I land in Shanghai.

Elaborating on "stable"

I have to confess the "word" to describe the year game, was not my idea. I stole it from a friend of mine who has been doing it for many years. I had been so intrigued watching how the word she choses, focusses her decisions and choices throughout the year. She really uses it as a compass and it really helps her navigate through the hard times. Its quite impressive.

So this year I made the describe your year "word" game mine.

I also know that a number of you have also made the game yours. I have received quite a few notes from you with your words, such as "flow" and "instinct". There was also one beautiful one that was inspired by a poem from Rumi, which I may ask her if I can share with you.

My word as I announced on January 1st, is "stable'.

Let me elaborate.

I am very aware of how blessed I am. I avoid the word luck as it sounds so undeserved and haphazard, but blessed to me is about home grown luck with plenty of intent and hard work involved, yet life does need a dollop of luck thrown in too.

You see, I have a nice home, a good job, amazing friends, a close family and above all I have my health. I wake up each day and can breath easy, I wake each day and I can get out of bed, I wake each day without pain, I wake each day and do not have to take medicine. I wake each day in a warm bed in a warm house, next to my husband with 2 sleeping children nearby.

I am lucky and I am blessed.

I am also very aware of people around me who don't have these things, thus I do have a discomfort about talking about them, I feel bad saying how good I feel my life is, I feel guilty saying I want more of the same, yet at the same time, I say this not in a "look-at-how-great-my-life-is" kind of way, I say it in a "lets-appreciate-what-really-matters" kind of way. And actually it is a statement coming from a place of humility not bragging. I hope that comes across.

I also appreciate that things change and I am mindful of all that I have right now.

I wish that things could stay just like they are. I like my lot. I want this gratitude and these honours bestowed on me to remain with me, I want  all these things to remain "stable".

In addition to this, this year,

I want my job to remain the same - stable

I want my home to remain the same - stable

I want my fitness level to remain the same - stable

I want my balance of my international travel and being at home to stay the same - stable

I want my relationships with my friends to remain the same - stable

I want my relationships with my family to stay the same - stable

Of course there are things that I have that I would like to change or improve, but if all I have now is all I have at the end of 2015, what an amazing year it would be. It would not be boring or dull, it would be extrordinary.

I am not craving no change, I am not craving monotony, but I am thankful for all that I have. Thus my wish for 2015 is more of the same,  - stable.

So have you decided your word?

If not, what is stopping you?

2015 word

My word is "stable"

More later. 

Happy new year!!!