At a diversity and inclusion conference last week, we had to do some table talk. You know the sort, when they ask you to discuss something with the folks at your table.
The question that we were asked to discuss was brilliant. Truly fascinating. And the answers were very insightful.
It went like this:
"When was the first time, that you realised, that you were different?"
Go on, think about it. When was the first time you realised you were different?
Here is my example. It sounds rather trite, but actually I think I learned a little bit more myself as I pondered the memory later.
It is hard to say if it was the first time that I realised I was different, but let's say, it was an early memory.
It goes back to my school days, which incidentally were rather lovely. I remember sitting on those little grey, plastic chairs, which tuck neatly under the little grey, plastic tables. I would have been waiting for my school dinner to be served (yes in those days we were served whilst seated) by those, usually overweight, but ever so friendly, dinner ladies. Remember them?
Once a week, there woud be chips on the menu (translated as fries to those over the water). Of course chips were the highlight of the week and a huge hit with all the kids.
Well all the kids, except me.
I remember saying, "No thanks, I don't like chips!"
Looking back I remember the gasps of horror of this oddity, this weird behaviour, which the other kids could not fathom. However this did quickly move to, yeah that means more for me, happy kind of behaviour from my little table friends.
What I do not remember is whether I really did not like chips, which is most bizarre, given that I love them now, or whether I was actually denying myself this pleasure because I wanted to stand out. Maybe I wanted to be different. Maybe I wanted to get this attention and reaction.
Either way, I liked the reflective question and maybe I am beginning to learn that actually I enjoyed standing out as a child. Some would say also as an adult - karoke anyone?
So grab a coffeee, and have a ponder about this one.
What does it tell you about yourself?
As always, let me know.
Chips anyone? No way, I am not sharing!
A bit too fatalistc maybe?
I think I read too much into my journey to work.
If the path is clear and the traffic lights let me through, I often think, mmmmmmm today will be a good day. Yet on those days, where there are roadworks, red lights all the way and annoying and slow drivers and cyclists in front of me, I tend to believe this is a bad omen for the day, that lies ahead.
Today, the weather was amazing. A cool and sunny Autumnal day. The birds were tweeting and the sun was warming. The traffic lights were all on green and the roadworks had eased up.
I flew down my route to work. It was over much too quickly. I could have continued for hours.
On arrival at work, I had a spring in my step.
So is this day going to be a good one? Of course it is, simply because of the way I am chosing to view the world. I am wearing my rose coloured glasses and taking many deep and slow breaths. I am chosing to see beauty and I am chosing to breathe easy.
I know a special person today, who needs these good vibes, so I am ensuring there is enough of them for the both of us.
Do any of you see your journey to work in this way? Am I too fatalistic? Do I predispose myself too much?
Come on, somebody make me feel that I am normal...............
If the path is clear and the traffic lights let me through, I often think, mmmmmmm today will be a good day. Yet on those days, where there are roadworks, red lights all the way and annoying and slow drivers and cyclists in front of me, I tend to believe this is a bad omen for the day, that lies ahead.
Today, the weather was amazing. A cool and sunny Autumnal day. The birds were tweeting and the sun was warming. The traffic lights were all on green and the roadworks had eased up.
I flew down my route to work. It was over much too quickly. I could have continued for hours.
On arrival at work, I had a spring in my step.
So is this day going to be a good one? Of course it is, simply because of the way I am chosing to view the world. I am wearing my rose coloured glasses and taking many deep and slow breaths. I am chosing to see beauty and I am chosing to breathe easy.
I know a special person today, who needs these good vibes, so I am ensuring there is enough of them for the both of us.
Do any of you see your journey to work in this way? Am I too fatalistic? Do I predispose myself too much?
Come on, somebody make me feel that I am normal...............
A poem by somebody else
I laugh and joke about the wig that I wear,
Friends don't hear me curse or swear.
I just shout inside when I see myself in the glass,
I’m not me anymore, not that bonny young lass.
My alopecia began after the birth of my daughter.
I couldn’t blame her, or maybe I ought to!!
I love her smile and the giggles we share,
I’d rather have her than a headful of hair!
I always appear cheery, but no-one knows how I feel
I wonder sometimes is this really real?
The thing with alopecia is the knowledge I lack
About whether my curls will ever come back
You lose your identity, feel like a freak.
Your hair becomes thinner week after week.
I’m totally bald now, my wig covers the skin,
But I look like a man and am crying within.
I know that I must just get on with my life,
I’m loved as a daughter, mum, friend and wife.
As I play with my son and my new little girl
I’ll be
waiting and wishing I will get my first curl.
Purpose - Useful or overrated?
Recently I read that purpose can be defined like this;
"The thread that connects all our life experiences"
I like this explanation.
On my birthday, a question that pops into my head, is exactly this one. What is my purpose?
Lots of other questions pop up too, like what presents will I get, what will my birthday party be like, who will I talk to on this day etc. Yet, lurking beneath all that, is the one of purpose.
Today its not a heavy question, nor one that I am giving much head space to.
But it is there.
Like it is every year.
What is my purpose?
Do I have one?
Does it need to be refreshed?
Am I living into it?
No answers today, but the questions are lurking nicely and appropriately in my brain.
Do you know your purpose?
Do you think the above defintion is right?
Do we need a pupose, or is it overrated corporate jargon?
Do share, oh and................happy birthday to me xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"The thread that connects all our life experiences"
I like this explanation.
On my birthday, a question that pops into my head, is exactly this one. What is my purpose?
Lots of other questions pop up too, like what presents will I get, what will my birthday party be like, who will I talk to on this day etc. Yet, lurking beneath all that, is the one of purpose.
Today its not a heavy question, nor one that I am giving much head space to.
But it is there.
Like it is every year.
What is my purpose?
Do I have one?
Does it need to be refreshed?
Am I living into it?
No answers today, but the questions are lurking nicely and appropriately in my brain.
Do you know your purpose?
Do you think the above defintion is right?
Do we need a pupose, or is it overrated corporate jargon?
Do share, oh and................happy birthday to me xxxxxxxxxxxxx
What a day!
Sometimes I can't actually believe what I squeeze into a day. Here is today's summary and its not even 6.30 pm.
Breakfast with the kids
Tidy up breakfast
Send kids to school
Chat with husband, as we both know its the only time in the day we are both awake and its quiet
Cycle to work
Meeting 1 - on phone - discuss someone who wants a new role
Meeting 2 - discussion on outsourcing recruitment, but captively
Meeting 3 - nice meet up with my friend and we talked plans and dates
Meeting 4 - update with one of my team about a trip we are making later this week to Slovakia
Meeting 5 - call with boss to align on something
Meeting 6 - update with one of my team about stuff
Meeting 7 - team meeting about a presentation we are preparing
12.45 - 13.00 Oh my god, I am so hungry, run with a colleague to get some soup and quickly catch up on one of our projects whilst slurping it down.
Meeting 8 - meeting with other boss - run through on pertinent issues, ton of follow up. Agh!
Meeting 9 - was cancelled - phew - means I can go to the loo in peace!
Quick call with boss again as something changed.
Quick call with talent who we talked about in meeting 1.
Quick call with senior manager who wanted some insights
Meeting 10 - discussion on tracking systems and automation
In between 2 texts, 53 emails and a few friends asking me where my blog was!
Also squeezed in was, printing out boarding passes for my trip to Prague tomorrow, planning a trip to Vienna and deciding not to go to hockey tonight.
So before it gets too dark, better jump on my bike home.
Here is wishing for a calmer day tomorow.
An exhausted BBB x
Breakfast with the kids
Tidy up breakfast
Send kids to school
Chat with husband, as we both know its the only time in the day we are both awake and its quiet
Cycle to work
Meeting 1 - on phone - discuss someone who wants a new role
Meeting 2 - discussion on outsourcing recruitment, but captively
Meeting 3 - nice meet up with my friend and we talked plans and dates
Meeting 4 - update with one of my team about a trip we are making later this week to Slovakia
Meeting 5 - call with boss to align on something
Meeting 6 - update with one of my team about stuff
Meeting 7 - team meeting about a presentation we are preparing
12.45 - 13.00 Oh my god, I am so hungry, run with a colleague to get some soup and quickly catch up on one of our projects whilst slurping it down.
Meeting 8 - meeting with other boss - run through on pertinent issues, ton of follow up. Agh!
Meeting 9 - was cancelled - phew - means I can go to the loo in peace!
Quick call with boss again as something changed.
Quick call with talent who we talked about in meeting 1.
Quick call with senior manager who wanted some insights
Meeting 10 - discussion on tracking systems and automation
In between 2 texts, 53 emails and a few friends asking me where my blog was!
Also squeezed in was, printing out boarding passes for my trip to Prague tomorrow, planning a trip to Vienna and deciding not to go to hockey tonight.
So before it gets too dark, better jump on my bike home.
Here is wishing for a calmer day tomorow.
An exhausted BBB x
3 minutes and 59. 4 seconds - Teamwork
I recently heard about the story of the 4 minute mile.
Most people raised in England, would know it was Roger Bannister, who claimed the title of the first person to run the mile in under 4 minutes, but until a few weeks ago, I was oblivious to the story behind it and how it was actually achieved.
I just thought, there was a race, and he ran in it. Really fast.
However on reading a few articles on this sporting achievement, I was lead to understand that it was possibly, only through the support and trust of his pace setters, that he was able to achieve this monumental world record. The world record that changed the face of running forever.
On May 6, 1954, Bannister was to attempt the 4 minute mile that was believed, until then, to be unachieveable. Doctors were reported to have said that it was physically impossible, the lungs would collapse, the heart would explode etc.
Bannister had been training with his buddies Chris Brasher and Chris Chataway, and on that day, there were designated to help him and pace set for him, so he could achieve this dream.
You can see from the video footage of the race, how the run went. As they started, Brasher pulled out in front to set the pace. Bannister was clearly feeling confident, as he was heard yelling at Brasher, “Faster, faster!” But Brasher kept the practiced pace. Halfway, Brasher fell back and Chataway took the lead and set the pace.
At the end of the race, Chataway fell back and Bannister sprinted with all his might to the finish line and broke the 4 minute barrier. Experts agree that if Brasher wouldn’t have kept Bannister on pace, Bannister wouldn’t have had the “oomph” to finish as strong and he would have failed to break the barrier.
How amazing, it's seems that he could not have done this alone. Clearly this will never be known, but this is a wonderful story of teamwork and trust. Bannister had to trust his teammates knew what they were doing and his team mates had to keep their cool and resolve, under clear stress and emotion.
Clearly Brasher was capable of speeding up when he heard Bannister yelling, yet he continued to believe in their pre-agreed plan, regardless of the possible consequences.
These psychological elements, made the achievement seem even more remarkable to me.
Nowadays, the record is held by Hicham El Guerrouj from Morocco with a time of 3.43.13
Clearly a remarkable feat, but I love the story of Bannister's dream and his buddies best. Not sure if I would have kept the pace, I think I may have been swept up in the emotion and gone faster as Bannister yelled!
Most people raised in England, would know it was Roger Bannister, who claimed the title of the first person to run the mile in under 4 minutes, but until a few weeks ago, I was oblivious to the story behind it and how it was actually achieved.
I just thought, there was a race, and he ran in it. Really fast.
However on reading a few articles on this sporting achievement, I was lead to understand that it was possibly, only through the support and trust of his pace setters, that he was able to achieve this monumental world record. The world record that changed the face of running forever.
On May 6, 1954, Bannister was to attempt the 4 minute mile that was believed, until then, to be unachieveable. Doctors were reported to have said that it was physically impossible, the lungs would collapse, the heart would explode etc.
Bannister had been training with his buddies Chris Brasher and Chris Chataway, and on that day, there were designated to help him and pace set for him, so he could achieve this dream.
You can see from the video footage of the race, how the run went. As they started, Brasher pulled out in front to set the pace. Bannister was clearly feeling confident, as he was heard yelling at Brasher, “Faster, faster!” But Brasher kept the practiced pace. Halfway, Brasher fell back and Chataway took the lead and set the pace.
At the end of the race, Chataway fell back and Bannister sprinted with all his might to the finish line and broke the 4 minute barrier. Experts agree that if Brasher wouldn’t have kept Bannister on pace, Bannister wouldn’t have had the “oomph” to finish as strong and he would have failed to break the barrier.
How amazing, it's seems that he could not have done this alone. Clearly this will never be known, but this is a wonderful story of teamwork and trust. Bannister had to trust his teammates knew what they were doing and his team mates had to keep their cool and resolve, under clear stress and emotion.
Clearly Brasher was capable of speeding up when he heard Bannister yelling, yet he continued to believe in their pre-agreed plan, regardless of the possible consequences.
These psychological elements, made the achievement seem even more remarkable to me.
Nowadays, the record is held by Hicham El Guerrouj from Morocco with a time of 3.43.13
Clearly a remarkable feat, but I love the story of Bannister's dream and his buddies best. Not sure if I would have kept the pace, I think I may have been swept up in the emotion and gone faster as Bannister yelled!
Dark mornings
This morning it was dark when the alarm went off. Yak!
That is a real sign that the winter is on its way.
It's really hard to get out of bed, when not only is it still night outside, but it's raining too.
It really was quite a miserable morning. A morning, where really it's best to roll over and pull the duvet over your face.
But it wasn't to be. It was the first day back at school after two weeks of wonderful "Herbstferien".
So to cheer myself up, I thought I would think about all the nice things that this season brings:
My birthday party preparations
Pumpkins
Halloween
Friends being around and not on Summer holidays anymore
Autumnal colours and falling leaves
Nice warm coats being put on for a brisk walk
Putting the open fire on
Christmas plans sneaking in
Warm sun on cold days
Did I mention planning my birthday celebration?
See it's not all that bad. Who needs bikini's and flip flops?
Lots of love and leaves
BBB
That is a real sign that the winter is on its way.
It's really hard to get out of bed, when not only is it still night outside, but it's raining too.
It really was quite a miserable morning. A morning, where really it's best to roll over and pull the duvet over your face.
But it wasn't to be. It was the first day back at school after two weeks of wonderful "Herbstferien".
So to cheer myself up, I thought I would think about all the nice things that this season brings:
My birthday party preparations
Pumpkins
Halloween
Friends being around and not on Summer holidays anymore
Autumnal colours and falling leaves
Nice warm coats being put on for a brisk walk
Putting the open fire on
Christmas plans sneaking in
Warm sun on cold days
Did I mention planning my birthday celebration?
See it's not all that bad. Who needs bikini's and flip flops?
Lots of love and leaves
BBB
Things I don't need to do
Having alopecia is not all bad. Here are some of things that I don't have to think about, or worry about, that most of you (females) do:
1. Planning in time for haircuts
2. Getting my grey roots dyed
3. Shaving/waxing my legs
4. Shaving/waxing anywhere
5. Plucking my eyebrows
6. Washing my hair after the gym
7. Pulling hair out of the showerplug
8. Worrying about my hair being found in the cakes I bake
9. Spontaenously going to for a swim
10. Split ends
It's all about how you look at things!
1. Planning in time for haircuts
2. Getting my grey roots dyed
3. Shaving/waxing my legs
4. Shaving/waxing anywhere
5. Plucking my eyebrows
6. Washing my hair after the gym
7. Pulling hair out of the showerplug
8. Worrying about my hair being found in the cakes I bake
9. Spontaenously going to for a swim
10. Split ends
It's all about how you look at things!
Being nice (or not so nice in my case)
I am not always nice.
In fact last night I was not.
We were in a restaurant and the service was average. In fact, I would say below average and borderline rude. However I need to declare here that my pet hate, is what I classify as incompetence and what I classify as unhelpful and bad service, so I would say that.
My response to this substandard service, was to be rude back. Not saying rude things, just being short and unhelpful with my responses. My husband does not appreciate this part of my personality. In fact I think sometimes he wishes the floor would just swallow him up.
But we all have our sides of badness. And I really struggle in stopping myself in such situations. We can't be nice little angels all the time. Can we? This is definitely my weakenss.
Anyway, I ate the food, rather grumpily, and then we continued a further two hours in the car to our destination.
On arrival, at 11pm, I suddenly and with a panic realised, that I had left my handbag on the seat in the restaurant.
In my bag, as you would imagine, was my money, credit cards and my most needed possession, my iPhone!! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So calmy, my husband propsed, to call the restaurant to see if they had it. Luckily the phone number was on the receipt. He called and soon after, the panic was over. They had found my bag and secured it in the office. Relief. I could pick it up on my return journey on Saturday.
It was then, that I realized that my behaviour was not very helpful in this circumatance. What if the person I was rude to, was the one who found the handbag. Would she be kind and want to help me. Unlikely I thought. Would she want to throw it in the bin, or ignore it. Possibly.
However it seemed that she was probably a better person than I, and she had handed it in and put it safe.
So what is the morale of this story?
I think you have all worked it out.
So what is your weakness? What is it that you do that is not nice?
In fact last night I was not.
We were in a restaurant and the service was average. In fact, I would say below average and borderline rude. However I need to declare here that my pet hate, is what I classify as incompetence and what I classify as unhelpful and bad service, so I would say that.
My response to this substandard service, was to be rude back. Not saying rude things, just being short and unhelpful with my responses. My husband does not appreciate this part of my personality. In fact I think sometimes he wishes the floor would just swallow him up.
But we all have our sides of badness. And I really struggle in stopping myself in such situations. We can't be nice little angels all the time. Can we? This is definitely my weakenss.
Anyway, I ate the food, rather grumpily, and then we continued a further two hours in the car to our destination.
On arrival, at 11pm, I suddenly and with a panic realised, that I had left my handbag on the seat in the restaurant.
In my bag, as you would imagine, was my money, credit cards and my most needed possession, my iPhone!! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So calmy, my husband propsed, to call the restaurant to see if they had it. Luckily the phone number was on the receipt. He called and soon after, the panic was over. They had found my bag and secured it in the office. Relief. I could pick it up on my return journey on Saturday.
It was then, that I realized that my behaviour was not very helpful in this circumatance. What if the person I was rude to, was the one who found the handbag. Would she be kind and want to help me. Unlikely I thought. Would she want to throw it in the bin, or ignore it. Possibly.
However it seemed that she was probably a better person than I, and she had handed it in and put it safe.
So what is the morale of this story?
I think you have all worked it out.
So what is your weakness? What is it that you do that is not nice?
Parental alopecia
Recently I have joined an alopecian group. It is very easy these days to do it. With the help of the Internet, you can find just about anything, your hearts desire, on line.
So I decided to join alopecia uk
What is great nowadays, is that you can be a member, a voyeur, with no immediate input or valued offer. A passive member. No one really knows your there. You can be someone just reading and observing. From the sidelines.
What I have been exposed to, since joining, is interviews and video clips of alopecians and their stories. It is wonderful viewing. Personal and honest.
One interview that recently stuck with me was one involving twins in New Zealand. They both got alopecia, at a young age, albeit at different times.
It was an interview that also involved the mother and she shared her distress and sadness of her daughters' conditions.
I think as a parent of young children, this disease can be hard and cruel. I do not however speak from experience . It seems the parents feel guilty for having a full head of hair and yet they can't give it to them. Instead they can only be there to offer their offspring, protection and support. They accompany them through the bullying, teasing and during the deep moments of feeling socially inadequate and downright ugly. This is no small gift.
For all you alopecian parents out there. You have a tough job. All I can offer as advise, is to get connected and find people who share and understand this cruel condition.
Alopecia uk is, at the very least a fabulous start , and at the very most an inspirational lifeline.
So I decided to join alopecia uk
What is great nowadays, is that you can be a member, a voyeur, with no immediate input or valued offer. A passive member. No one really knows your there. You can be someone just reading and observing. From the sidelines.
What I have been exposed to, since joining, is interviews and video clips of alopecians and their stories. It is wonderful viewing. Personal and honest.
One interview that recently stuck with me was one involving twins in New Zealand. They both got alopecia, at a young age, albeit at different times.
It was an interview that also involved the mother and she shared her distress and sadness of her daughters' conditions.
I think as a parent of young children, this disease can be hard and cruel. I do not however speak from experience . It seems the parents feel guilty for having a full head of hair and yet they can't give it to them. Instead they can only be there to offer their offspring, protection and support. They accompany them through the bullying, teasing and during the deep moments of feeling socially inadequate and downright ugly. This is no small gift.
For all you alopecian parents out there. You have a tough job. All I can offer as advise, is to get connected and find people who share and understand this cruel condition.
Alopecia uk is, at the very least a fabulous start , and at the very most an inspirational lifeline.
Learning Turkish
Whilst on a family holiday in Turkey, my hubby and I decided to indulge in the offerings of entertainment. This included Turkish lessons. I mean why not! We have an unusual abundance of time, and frankly not a lot to do!
What I really enjoyed about this, was the little snippets of culture and people insights it offered.
Two little bits of trivia, I will share with you are:
There are two words for the word "old" in the Turkish language.
"Eski" means old in terms of a non living thing eg an object or a thing
"Yaski" means old in terms of people and living things.
If I have mixed them up, I apologise. It was my first lesson.
It seems obvious to have different words for this, especially given the ancient history here and the need to describe things that are really really old.
The other explanation I liked was the word or rather words, for "Goodbye". There were two different terms. It depended on who was bidding the farewell and who was receiving it.
"Hoscakal". It is the farewell from the one departing.
"Gule gule". It is the farewell from the one who stays.
This seems more personal and involved than just a simple "bye". It means you have to be more aware of the parting, more present of the situation, than just uttering a word.
So after an hour of stretching my brain, I am now off to eat my "dondurma" and wish you an "iyi gunler"
Being part of the Seasonal change
A homeopath one told me, to be part of the season change.
She said that it was important to be outside when the time of year shifts. Ensure that you feel part of of the external changes and that they don't just jump up out you and say "Boo! Winter is Here".
You know the feeling, we have all experienced it at some time. And it's true, if we are not consciously aware of the weather change, the temperature change, the light change, the colour of nature change, we get hit by a bus, when it starts snowing. We find ourselves asking "How did that happen?" ."Where did the Summer go?"
This month, I ignored this advise and instead found myself particularly grumpy for a few days, kind of off balance.
Interestingly enough, hubbie said he felt a bit down in the dumps too. (Maybe it was because I was grumpy!)
But honestly, I think it was down to the fact that the things around us were changing and we were not moving with them. It had gotten dark and cold in the mornings for example.
So as the Autumn days creep in and the warm sunny days fade, go out for a walk, take a trip to the woods and let's consciously chose to spend time outisde. It will work wonders for the spirit.
I should remember to follow my own advise!!
She said that it was important to be outside when the time of year shifts. Ensure that you feel part of of the external changes and that they don't just jump up out you and say "Boo! Winter is Here".
You know the feeling, we have all experienced it at some time. And it's true, if we are not consciously aware of the weather change, the temperature change, the light change, the colour of nature change, we get hit by a bus, when it starts snowing. We find ourselves asking "How did that happen?" ."Where did the Summer go?"
This month, I ignored this advise and instead found myself particularly grumpy for a few days, kind of off balance.
Interestingly enough, hubbie said he felt a bit down in the dumps too. (Maybe it was because I was grumpy!)
But honestly, I think it was down to the fact that the things around us were changing and we were not moving with them. It had gotten dark and cold in the mornings for example.
So as the Autumn days creep in and the warm sunny days fade, go out for a walk, take a trip to the woods and let's consciously chose to spend time outisde. It will work wonders for the spirit.
I should remember to follow my own advise!!
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