Crossed wires

Today I was exchanging emails in a way that I do everyday.

The speed at which we do this somethings is crazy, we believe our responses are thoughtful, but really how much thought goes into a 3 minute reply?

Well today I blasted one email off and immediately I got a response which took me aback.

I had seemingly offended my dear colleague, it read like I had incorrectly paraphrased some of her work and as a consequence she was angry with me. She was pointing out that the information she had shared had been just for my eyes and although I had changed some of the wording and made it look less critical, it seems that she had felt misrepresented.

Oh my! This had not been my intention. My intent had been to share her work and give her credit for it, the wordsmithing had been done so that I had some skin in the game and was meant to build on her good insights.

I tried to respond. I typed. I deleted. I retyped. I deleted. I tried different words. I deleted. And I thought for a while. It then came to me. Just call her. Sounds obvious, well maybe, but it took me a while.

We have a good relationship and she would know my intentions were good.

So I cautiously dialled her number and waited.

I hadn't planned what I was going to say, but an apology was the best place to start.

After the apology, she sounded perplexed. Why are you are sorry she said. It was me who should have been more careful. Eh??????

It quickly became clear that there was cross wires. She was not at all angry with me, but rather she had wanted to express that if she had known that I was going to use her work for, she would have reworded it, so that I didnt have to.

Agh!!!!!

So we had a good laugh and it was done.

But it made me think about how often we have cross wires in life. How often do we miscommunicate? How often are we misunderstood? How often do we misunderstand?

Yet how often do we find out that that is what happened?

How often do we invest the time and effort to uncover the meaning behind it all?

We operate at record speed and there is very little time for thought and debrief.

So maybe a little more pause is needed and a breath in between read and reply just to ensure that a little reflection is present in our work.

Does not seem much to ask does it?

The Wonder of Markets

Over the weekend I had the sheer pleasure of mooching around a market in London, Borough market to be exact.

It was such an amazing place. It was a fresh food market, full of smells and nostalgia. Everything looked so fresh and delicious. There was fresh food being stirred up in front of your eyes and lines and lines of people, queuing up for a taste of the delights. Pulled pork, vegetarian curries, coriander and lamb kebabs, falafel, german sausages, there was nothing you couldn't find here.

The colours were vibrant and bright, the range went from green basil to red tomoatoes to orange clementines to black olives. There were indian spices, turkish delights, asian teas and italian meats.

There was world food to meet your every desire.

And what did we buy??

Absolutely nothing.

We didnt need to, we just soaked it all up and breathed in all the diversity.

I hope these markets thrive forever, so fresh, so healthy and so much choice.

I really intend to shift my habits to doing more of my weekly shops at markets. Do you do this? Why do you and why don't you? Do you have one near you?

I can still just close my eyes and see everything! Such a sensual experience.

Hair is normal at work

My 7 year old daughters friend asked me why I always wear hats.

I quickly and very matter of factly told her that it was because I have no hair.
She seemed satisfied with the answer yet my little girl, felt the need to continue the explanation and explain to her that I had a wig that I wore for work.

Her little friend was curious about why I only wore it for work and the answer my little one gave was; "Because at work that is what you are supposed to do".

Whilst I probably believe this answer to be true (for me and my environment at least), it is shocking in some way to hear this. It seems that I have already embedded into her subconscious that you have to be "normal" at work, you have to "adapt" and look a certain way. There is a sadness in this answer too.

Is it really like that?
Does it have to be that way?
Does it have to be that way for her?

Little girls are so impressionable and I wonder if I take that responsibility serious enough.

I wonder what actions I can take to make it at least different for her.

Mmmmmmmm, ponder, ponder.

Enchanted, Magic, and a little dated

I love reading to my little girl. She adores it too. She hangs on to every word and anticipates what is coming. She often has her own ideas of the next adventures and she simply listens intently and absorbs the story, word by word.

Recently we have moved on to chosing books from my childhood, many of you may have also been exposed to Enid Blyton and as such you may know the books I am referring to.

The Enchanted Wood, The Magic Faraway Tree and The Wishing Chair.

The books are fully of fantasy and childhood dreams. Simple and beautiful. The words conjur up images and the books have very few pictures, so the mind just does its own work.

The books I am reading from are actually my old ones, thus they were published in the early seventies. How times have changed.

The words and expressions used in the books are dated and in fact some of the text would guaranteed not be able to be published today.

Here are a few examples,

The main characters are called Dick and Fanny
The pixie in one book is called Chinky
They call each other stupid
The teachers hit the kids when they are naughty
The mothers let them out all day til late at night

Everything is "queer"

They use the word thrice and awful lot
There are golliwogs running around

I do not edit the stories and these little things go unnoticed.  My little one is oblivious to the fact that some things are not really done or said any longer. She just cares about the story and the adventure.
She did ask what a golliwog was though, as we don't have any in the house and her modern books dont mention these friendly little  creatures of the past.

So my reflections are just that times are changing, but a good story is still a good story.

and I am still vegetarian

It seems like I have not had meat for months. Really this change in my habits has been rather hard.
I have had to shop differently, cook differently and dine out differently.

Take for example a menu that I was chosing from at an airport. I basically just wanted burger and chips, but I had to look at the menu more closely.

I plunged for the last option "falafel with red pepper and harissa hummua". A choice I would NEVER had taken under normal circumstance. I would have skirted over it quickly and obviously dismissed it.

Well welcome new behaviours!!!

I chose it and guess what it was fantastic. And over and over again I am experiencing that vegetarian food is amazing. It even has the added bonus of not feeling bloated and over full after the meal.

It just isn't enough to leave out the meat, you really have to find good substitues which can be yummy. I have also developed a new relationship with aubergines.

There is still three weeks to go and I confess that it is not getting easier, however I am sure my fish intake has gone through the roof. My body is pumping with Omega 3, like never before.

So will I become vegetarian? Unlikely, but I may be developing new eating habits which may last beyond the 40 days of lent.

Chick pea anyone?

Now for something a little different (5 of 5)

Day 4 - Saturday
This blog is the hardest one to write, yet in many ways it is the most important. After being 24 hours away from the training and the bubble in which we moved for three days, real life has now caught up with us. The demands of work, meetings and family are back in play. As wonderful as they are, they are a distraction to the learning and the focus we so intensely had.

And this is what happens.

This is what will happen to the teams we work with to develop breakthrough commitments and game changing ideas, they will all go away and get distracted.

So how can we ensure our enlightened thinking lives on. And that these distractions do not cause the new insights to fade away and be forgotten.

Well for me, I will keep the workshop materials in sight. If I glance at them, they will be a visual reminder. I will engrain new phrases and relentlessly say them, for example I was in a meeting yesterday when I found myself saying, "lets build on his strengths" and then later I said,  "here is is an idea that will make him even better". This is a very different language to what we usually use. Much more positive and much more generous. I think it might just catch on.

I will keep the lego images and people we built close by. I believe each time I see them, they will trigger a memory, just the way a piece of music does or a certain smell. I will allow my subconscious to help out a little too.

So as I sign off the for the last time, I am grateful, grateful that I have spent the morning in the garden with my family chopping wood, grateful for the sausages we grilled over the fire together,  grateful that I was able to see each of their strengths and pause long enough to take it all in.
And one gratitude I can not fail to add is that I am grateful to the wonderful people I work with (and you know who you are) who dreamed up and dared to create this content and most importantly were bold and funky enough to imagine a company in which these concepts were brought to light. You have paved a future that has no limits, you have paved a future that I chose to be part of.

Thank you for reading me.

Now for something a little different - (4 of 5)

Day 3 - Thursday

Snow was everywhere, but not in the hearts of everyone.
There you could only find warmth and good intent.

Today was the final day of the training and what it day.
The logistics were topsy turvey. The state declared a national emergency due to the weather!!!!!! Snow and ice everywhere. As a result the offices were closed as were many roads. Yet that only spurred us on, we rallied together and with the innovation of the team a new and virtual classroom was created. Unbelievable. And guess what it only enhanced the learning experience. It forced us to be inclusive and build further on each other's strengths. It was like as if it was designed that way. Simply brilliant.

The agenda covered many things, yet in a way it didn't. Each exercise kept coming back to the same things. Build on your own strengths and recognize those in others. Slow down to speed up. Reflection is an action. Is it really that simple?

We did some reflective work on exploring our personal icebergs, this provided wonderful moments, we then went on to explore paradox and action planning. All day we were invited to give positive feedback and we all felt pure intent. We basked in each other and learned at each turn.

The rendition of "Let it Go" from Frozen at the end was simply magical.
Singing out loud and committing to giving this training rollout everything we had.
It just emerged and was beautiful and inspiring.

This week we not only built a community of friends and practitioners, we also discovered many things that are possibly even bigger. We accessed the power we have within and understood how to unleash it. Will we be courageous enough to unleash it and "let it go?"
I think so. I hope so. Only ourselves stand in the way.

As I wait for my flight I am filled with gratitude, gratitude that I have a family to go home to. A family who are eagerly awaiting my return and in whose arms I am going to fall.

Safe travels dear colleagues.

Now for something a little different (3 of 5)

Day 2 - Wednesday

As human beings, we need silence. Yet in the work environment, there is rarely a moment of it. Do you remember when at work you were able to sit silently and reflect?  I certainly don't. Sitting down (seemingly) doing nothing is an invitation for someone to come over and ask you a question. Sound familiar?

Well this programme builds in time to think. In fact as we entered the work room this morning, it was clearly stated that we should not talk to anyone, we should just sit down and answer a few questions in our notepads. I tell you that felt different. Good different, well at least for me. As an introverted thinker, I need this time, but don’t always give it to myself. So when this time was given to me, I took it with both hands. I felt included. I felt that my needs were being met. I felt I could breathe and that there was time for me to gather my thoughts. Others felt less comfortable, they preferred to talk and exchange.

The gift of silence and pausing was a reoccurring theme throughout the day. There were often comments on the insights that came from a pause, the leanings that came from silence. Sounds strange, how can anything happen when nothing is happening?  Well it did. Repeatedly so. In fact much of the feedback that was offered was slow down, take a pause, ground yourself and take a deep breath. Do I see a shift here? 

The heart was also referred to a number of times, or reference to the gut. It seems that we only work with our brain these days. What happened to our other internal organs? Today we practiced bringing that in. It popped up in many ways, in our language, our physical actions and even in our drawings. It seems we are desperate to bring the heart back into corporate life. I heard people say "Bring in the LOVE!!!!"

One final insight before I collapse into my bed is the rawness in which we exist. You see, up until yesterday I didn’t not know the people in the room, yet today, 1.5 days into our relationship, each of them gave me feedback on me. They had to do it spontaneously and quietly. Boom! They nailed it. They said things about me that they could not possibly have known. They showered me with words that meant so much. How had they seen these things? How could they know that I was like this? Yet somehow they did. I guess we are all naked after all. We are fully exposed and out there for all to see. Yet I don’t know about you, but I thought I hid most of it and covered it up with a corporate cloak. Well I am here to blast that misconception away, we are all exposed and raw when we are learning. And you know what, that is absolutely wonderful. We all saw the beauty of it and recognized it. Now how amazing is that?

So I go to bed grateful, grateful that I am tired, grateful that I have a bed to rest in.

Good night

Now for something a little different (2 of 5)

Day 1 – Tuesday
At the end of Day 1 we were asked to quietly reflect and write down one insight from the day.
Here is what I wrote: The differentiator in performance is as easy and as hard as listening, believing and pausing.
The sentence rolled off my lips and came straight from my heart. It took me seconds to capture it.
You see throughout the day we had experienced a number of different exercises and the learnings from each of them brought it back to one of the words in the above statement.

Today I was fascinated at our focus on calling out only the strengths of each other. Our human nature seemed to want to list and listen to our development areas, yet the focus on this course is different. What do you like? What did you see the person do well? What’s good about this? It is clear that as humans we are not conditioned for this. We had to relearn this behavior, the behavior of strength spotting. What a great expression – strength spotting!

One observation I made a number of times during the day, both of myself and of others, is a level of nervousness and discomfort of staying in the moment. At one point I had something on my mind that I wanted to share with the group and I was so eager to say it that I interrupted a moment of something else, a moment that was important and had I been listening and present, I would have behaved differently. I would have waited.
I later saw others do the same. It made me wonder how many other moments  had I missed, how many moments are we are all missing, all the time, because we are busy with our own thoughts and own agenda. 
How many moments have I interrupted when learning was occurring, moments that mattered?

Serenity and calmness were role modelled today. The profoundness that came with this observation was beautiful. We all realized the power of pause, the beauty of a slower pace and the impact that we can have when we introduce things purposefully. Allowing ourselves to breathe before we begin, to ground ourselves in our chair and to pause and reflect when we need a moment. The speed at which we operate is not accessing the possibilities. We need to slow down to speed up. 

The last insight of the day was that reflection is an action.  This phrase was stated a number of times, so I can not take the credit for it, but allow me to elaborate on where I saw it have impact. It was at the end when the facilitator summarized the day for us. She shared her observations, recognizing individual contributions which was personal and courageous, she was not concerned about missing someone out and not afraid to name great examples, it was masterful. Throughout the day she had been reflecting and she pulled her reflections together and shared with the group. She was perfectly role modelling the power of reflection.

So as the day draws to a close, I am left wanting more, left curious as to what tomorrow will bring, hopefully a little less snow so that we can at the very least get to the meeting on time :-)
Tonight I go to bed grateful, grateful to be part of this.
Good night

Now for something a little different (1 of 5)

Now for something a little different. This week I will blog about a training course I am on. It will be different to my usual life observations, however I thought it was good to spice up my blog and do something different - just for a week!

Hope you like it...........

Day 0 - Monday
Tomorrow I embark on a 3 day training on change leadership. I have heard a lot about it and its only been positive. I have heard its different and I am going to love it. I am always wary when I hear that I am going to love something as it sets a very high bar. Yet I have to confess I am very intrigued.
I have read the pre-reads and I was immediately struck with a sense of excitement. I mean it, the modules in the session are ones that I have not seen used before in my work life, yet I am familiar with them outside of my work be it in yoga course, psychology courses or in meditation. But not so much at work. There is usually no time or space for such structured reflection in my day to day. There seem to be modules including journalling, reflection, appreciation and visualization. Kooky eh?
Already the pre-work was different, in fact it was pretty amazing. First I had to chose people to give me personal and only positive feedback using examples. This was already a good exercise. It encouraged me to include people outside of work to give me feedback which was very interesting and I add, a little scary.  I chose carefully and generously. I didn't chose the obvious and I consciously chose a few people with whom I wanted to deepen the relationship and go beyond the surface. Bizarre eh? You would not expect a pre-read for a course at work to hit this spot. The responses were moving. The words people chose, the examples they pondered over and the kindness with which these examples were explained was special, really special. If I am honest I was somewhat overwhelmed with it really, but in a really good way.
So although the course only starts tomorrow, I know the personal learning has already begun. I feel genuinely happy about what I am about to learn and experience and I feel quite in awe, that a company like the one I work for, invests in this kind of stuff and pushes the boundaries.
I have committed to giving myself to this course, I get a sense you get out what you put in, so I am ready to embark on this journey, push myself to go further and be truly present, despite what the demands are in the outside world. These three days are mine. 
Watch this space!