"What are they?" she asked

Last night I was at the park, when one of my little neighbours came over and said, "What are those things, those things on your face?" she had the cutest little smile and a radiant little face. It was such an obvious question for her, this lively five year old. At first I had no idea what she was referring to, then she pointed at my eyebrows.....my tattooed eyebrows! Aha I said, you mean my eyebrows, yes she said. What are they?

I explained very plainly that they were my eyebrows and as I did not have any hair, like she did, I had to paint them on. Like face paint but a bit more permanent. Oh she said, satisfied with the answer and off she went kicking her ball. Conversation over.

Question answered. Curiosity satiated.

And that was it, a simple question and a simple answer. An adult may have also have wondered about them, maybe with a little more understanding of what they were, but then again maybe not. Were they permanent, do they rub off, did they hurt. But the difference is significant, an adult would never have asked.

So as I sign off with todays post, may I leave with you with two thoughts.
1. Let your child ask such questions, through this they learn and probably acknowledge other peoples imperfections.
2. Revert back to being a child and try asking a question that pops into your head, you may be surprised what it does to you and to the respondent.

Let me know how it goes?

Green chunks

I love playing games. Board games, drinking games, card games, made-up games. I am really not fussy. Every now and again, I meet someone who enjoys them just as much as I do and the evening always turns out to be fantastic. Last night I found my perfect playmates. We played two games. One was to create a green cocktail in minutes by blending as many green ingredients as possible.
For those who are curious amongst you, here is the Spontaneous Recipe of "Green Chunk Cocktail" . I provide it not as a recommendation but more as a demonstration of the craziness.

Cucumber

Mint

Vermouth

Kiwi

Gin

Rocket/Arugula Salad

Pear

Ice cubes (could have been green if we had had more time)

Is this a Great recipe for a cocktail? Well, maybe not, but is this a great cocktail for laughter, absolutely.

The second game was a card game, which asks simple family questions like,: What have your parents taught you? Where do you want to retire? What did you like about school? It really brings out a different level of knowledge and is a ton of fun. (so thank you parents for teaching the value of living within my means)

So next time you have people over, spice it up with colour challenges and questions. It promises a new twist to your night and some classic memories for the album! Go on, go crazy, be bold! ……

Being present

A while ago I gave up listening to music as I ran.   I am not a hobby runner, nor do I particularly enjoy it. However it is a free sport that is easy to access and keeps me looking the way I want to. This last phrase says a lot about who I am, however more about that another time.

About a year ago I committed to a friend that I would do a half marathon, I considered this challenge long and hard and over a period of 3 weeks, I finally committed.  After this decision, in true style (which is why I think long and hard about what I agree to) I threw myself into the program, including a ghastly four run a week schedule and taking additional supplements after a long run to regenerate the body as soon as possible. 

As I proceeded through the weeks, despite a grueling work-travel schedule, I began to notice a pattern.  Some runs I enjoyed more than others. I began to analyze why, was it the location, the length, the time of day, my state of wellbeing or something else. Clearly all of these factors contributed to the run at some level, however the biggest differentiator was whether I had my music blasting into my ears or not.

At first I believed that running with music contributed positively to the experience, which maybe it did at the beginning, however as my endurance improved, the opposite became clear. I began to realize that the experience of running alone and in silence was the more pleasant of the two. The ability to be present in my activity rather than wishing I was somewhere else, or taking my mind of it, was the key. Being present.  Mmmmmm. Sounds a bit weird but here is what that meant to me, it meant simply to begin looking at the people on my path, observing the river I was running along, seeing the faces of the bored people at bus queues, looking into the eyes of people in cars, in short I was watching life, being part of life.

I then began realizing and wondering what I had missed on previous runs or even car drives or even worse conversations with friends. What had I missed as I was not mentally present, what had I not heard, what had I not understood, had I even missed any cry for helps, had I missed making someone feel special by endorsing them and their achievements.  Oh lord what kind of friend had I been?

So as I live in 2012, all I aim for is to be more present. See life as it is, feel emotions as they are and breathe in the moment with the people around me.  I may even consider giving up doing my shopping lists in management meetings, but maybe this is just taking it a little too far.

Order of life

There is an expected order of life, like the oldest person usually dies first, the oldest child goes to school first, the youngest child grows up quickest, you know the sort of thing. We often don't think about the expected order of events, however as soon as this pattern is broken or something happens the wrong way round, we are stunned and often unable to accept the turn of events.

One event that I am sure none of you has given much time to think about is losing your hair. So the unspoken, undiscussed and highly likely expected order of events is as follows. From a male perspective, the granddad loses his hair first, then the dad as he gets older and never the children. From the female perspective, again maybe the grandfather, then the spouse and that's it. So what happens when the 30 something year old woman loses her hair first?? Now that is a change of the natural path, a little unusual and some would say freaky. Well that is what happened to me.

The first reaction, is “well that can't happen, that’s not how it works, that’s just wrong”.  Then over the next few years you manage to get over the shock of losing one of your defining assets and build in coping strategies, and after that you even enter into the playful stage of “oooohhh what type of wig suits me best, are blonde curls really possible?”  And then finally, the most liberating phase kicks in, the phase of acceptance.

So why is it that things happening in the wrong order are so hard to deal with.  Why is it that there is an order at all, where does that order come from? Are we so reliant on past patterns that we can’t deal with any alterations?

For me in the first instance of being dealt an incorrect order of life, was that my life seemingly falls apart, there are very few constants in life, few reliable events, but those few that are sure, we rely on, so when they change, our world view shifts, we begin to question everything and wonder what else can happen. The good news is that we learn the most out of hardship. It may not seem like it at the time (does the question - why me??? Sound familiar?) however if you look hard enough there is always some good to be found in any event. You just have to care enough to look and sometimes look real hard.

The good that I discovered was plenty. I started looking at my assets in different ways,  I discovered how lovely my eyes were, I understood for the first time that purple makeup makes my green eyes look beautiful, and I also saw that the colour of my clothes made a difference to my complexion and finally and very importantly I understood that my bum did not only look good in this new dress but GREAT.

It's a shame that I had to lose my hair to appreciate the gifts I had been given by mother nature, but that's how this stuff works isn't it.  So I as sign off, I encourage you all to spend 60 seconds thinking about something you have in your life, something that you have not yet spent time on appreciating in it's entirety, then acknowledge it and go tell somebody about it.  My tip for the day, don't wait for your hair to fall out!

The beginnings of Bold, Bald and Beautiful blogs

I have always had an inner drive to help people, not in a nursing kind of a capacity, but more through discussions and long chats, though listening, understanding and reflecting back.
I really enjoy being part of somebody else’s success, in many ways I take more pleasure in this than in my own achievements. Letting one of my team shine or one of my sports colleagues score the goal or claim the trophy is a buzz for me. Knowing I have played a part in them reaching this new height is amazing and for me this is what it is all about.

I guess that is why I am in the career I am in, I am in a profession where I am able to guide and coach people and I am in a senior enough position where my influence can have a positive impact. So when I developed alopecia I again had this inner need to help others, help others come to terms with it, have fun with it and also to help family members and close friends understand the complexities of this condition and not be afraid to bring it into conversations.

Hence the beginnings of this blog, I want to have a place where I can share my stories, both happy and sad, confusing and frustrating, fun and fantastic. And maybe just maybe have a positive impact on some else or help shape their decisions. Also at the very least provide a bit of entertaining reading for anyone passing through.

My blog will be a mix of things, I will focus on alopecia as my main theme, yet I will also write about the fun things that come my way and the reflections I have as life happens. Some posts will be more meaningful, others more intense and a few just a bit silly. I will go where the pen takes me.

So what am I all about, well I am a fulltime senior executive, a loving mother, a devoted wife, a doting sister, a daughter who tries to do her best and a friend who absolutely adores her friends and carries them in her heart through all life’s decisions and choices, oh yes and I also have no hair. In addition I love sports especially trying new ones, I have lived in 6 countries, I love food and drink and I enjoy recycling and making my own yoghurt!

All of these roles and hobbies undoubtedly play a role in my view of the world, some more than others of course, like being a mother. However this blog is not about my kids, its about me, so you may not get to hear too much about them, despite them being pretty amazing little humans!

I will for sure write often about my experiences and journey of my hair loss, if you are a reader who knows me, you may be surprised of the public nature of my disclosures, as I rarely talk about it when we are together. This is not because I am shy or unable to talk about it, at least not any more, it is more because it is not relevant to our relationships nor the conversations and the tons of fun we have. However on those rare moments alone, I sometimes reflect on my condition and writing about it has become something that I have begun to enjoy.

So this brings me on to my request. A request to all my readers.

As I am sharing, often for the first time publicly, about my hair loss escapades, I don’t want a one way broadcast, I would hate to be sending an email off into the abyss, not knowing how it lands.  So I ask you to feedback to me what you felt when you read a particular blog.  Comment on any of the posts, that caused a reaction in you or made you think differently. I am keen to improve and tailor my writing to meet your needs and serve my goal, which is to help people some how in some way.

So please don't be shy, add a word of encouragement, a word of provocation and I ask you to say what you really think, if what you read is a pile of poop, tell me, I won't be offended.  I do not have life right, nor do I know best, I just know what to do with what I have got, so go on, post a comment........