It's over

My hubbie and I enjoy those rare moments of relaxing, a particular way. When all the chores are done, we curl up on our sofas (yes each of us has our own) wrap up in blankets and turn on our favourite telly program. Sheer bliss.

Recently we have just switched to DVD's as the adverts on the TV just drive us insane, I mean every 7 minutes really is unnecessary.

We tend to watch a box set of DVD's over a period of months. We look forward to each one, like a teenager would a night out. Oh how times have changed.

My sis sponsors our habit. She sends us great British drama series or sitcoms and she has excellent taste. This year we have gone through Life on Mars, Sherlock and now Stella.

All top-tastic. Thanks sis.

However, Stella finished last night. Part 10 was watched. It's now over.

We loved it. Just fun, light entertainment with a touch of reality and plenty of laughs. We looked forward to it and savoured each one. We only put it on when we were both in the mood and we had time to snuggle up. Once we even watched two in one night. That was really decadent.

And now it is over. It was great. We loved every moment.

We are sad it's over, but soon it's Christmas, so I better be nice to my sister and maybe next year we get a new series. Hint hint Sister Sue!

So what do you do to relax? Do you have a special routine with your loved one? Is it as boring as mine? Go on inspire me, make me jealous. Make me wish I had more energy at 9pm!

Stillness

I never really sit down and think, let's write a blog. For me, writing does not happen through deliberate intent. Rather, I write when something occurs to me, then I scribble down some notes, which begin the start of a story or blog.

This week I have been on a family holiday and have spent 7 full days touring the Rockies in an RV (recreation vehicle). Alternatively known as a campervan.

We have been travelling through many national parks with no specific agenda nor destination. All we had to do was look out the window for wildlife and take the odd photograph. In my mental planning, I had foreseen a rush of inspiration and blog content pouring out of me daily.

Yet here I am at the end of my week in the Rockies, with no posts to share.

I have had plenty of time. I have been exposed to many new experiences. I have had many new impressions. Despite all of that, I have simply had no desire, whatsoever, for me to churn out a blog.

I think for one of the first times in many years, I have really enjoyed having nothing to do. Nothing to think about. Nothing to say.

I have been inspired by the grandeur of the mountains, the splendor of the terrain, the ever changing weather and the joy of watching my kids just be.  As a result, there has not been a pull for me to do anything but enjoy the moment. The precious moments of peacefulness.

I am surprised by this lack of drive. However I really am thrilled that I found the quiet and stillness of mind to just be in the present with my beautiful family. And simply observe the greatness of the landscape.

It's possible that as I return to crazydom, all my ideas and reflections begin pouring out and do turn into blogs, but right now my mind is calm.

The intense experience of the Rockies has restored some inner peace and provided a lifelong imprint on me.

I have always enjoyed being in the mountains. And today I understand a little more why.

Thank you Alberta, I will always remember you. May you be with me, whenever I need you.

They are going to be OK

The National Alopecia Areata Foundation says that there is more than a 90% chance you will not pass alopecia on to your child. What a relief!

I have to admit, that I am constantly looking for signs of balding whilst brushing my daughters' hair.
If there is more hair in the hairbrush, or on the floor than what I deem normal, I get nervous. I offer to brush their hair once more, with the motive of checking for thinning or bald spots.

It is one thing having no hair yourself, but for your kids, to me that seems like it would be unbearable. I do know, that we would make it work and find solutions, but really this would be a tough one. 

Personally, I was 30 when I started to lose my hair. I had gotten through school and had my first dates. I had even been married for a few years. So in many ways, I had it easy when I got alopecia.  But a child at school, I am not sure how I would cope with that.

Yet a few weeks ago, when chatting to a lovely colleague, she told me her son at a very young age, lost all his hair. She showed me, proudly, a photo of him. I have to say, he was gorgeous. All I saw was his beautiful eyes. His cute little smile. I hardly noticed the fact that he had no hair. All I could see, was a handsome little boy, with a radiance around him.  In fact, he looked like he was meant to be that way. He was just, quite simply, perfect.

So when I read these statistics, I felt better about the genetics of alopecia. However, it also made me realize, that I do carry a burden with me, a burden of me passing alopecia on to my girls.  Up until this point, I had not been aware that I been stressing about this, albeit quietly.

So now that I have this awareness and these statistics, I will make a conscious effort to stop this obsession and realize that the chances are on our side. Even if my girls do inherit this condition, I am safe in the knowledge that their inner and outer beauty will be enough to carry them through.

Just like my colleagues beautiful little boy.

Aeroplane food obsession

What is it about being on a plane for more than 30 minutes and needing to eat??

It is a real primeval need, which has nothing to do with hunger.

It is a well known fact that food on aeroplanes is notoriously bad, I mean really bad. Microwaved pizza, sponge bread sandwiches, you know the sort of thing. Pringles are always a good choice and a definite family favourite. But they are approximately 5 times the price of the supermarket, which makes them a big indulgence.

Yet with full knowledge that the price and the quality are not all correlated, I just can't wait for the trolley to come round and to place my order. As I wait, I even begin to get nervous. Look at all those people ordering the same thing I want. Will there be anything left for me? I often get anxious when the trolley comes to a standstill and they begin searching for the last soggy sandwich in the depths of the little wheely wagon. I secretly begin hoping and praying they still have my choice. Please, please, please, have one left for me.

So what is this irrational desire all about? Is it idiosyncratic behaviour, namely when I sit in an aeroplane seat, within 30 minutes, my brain is conditioned to expect food? Or is it just boredom and a great time filler?

So as I sit here in 15B, heading west to Calgary, I blog away quietly, desperately filling in the time until the trolley comes tootling by, filled with goodies, waiting to be bought by suckers like me.

Here it comes, got to go.


Bon appetit

As I turn 40

These are the 40 memories of what I believe, are the most impactful values my parents passed on to me, in my younger years.

Each of these beautiful teachings, got me, I believe, to where I am. And today, as I celebrate my 40th birthday with my own children, I look back with a smile and am truly grateful for all the things my parents taught me. Here is a list of some of them.


Mum
1. Everything in moderation
2. Wear nice shoes with high heels
3. Put on pretty make up
4. Get your hair done
5. Work hard
6. Spend time with friends
7. Dance at parties (memories of the birdie dance still however haunt me)
8. Keep busy, swim, badminton, line dancing and ideally with friends
9. Don't waste anything,  recycle and reuse where you can
10. Go out into the world to discover it for yourself
11. Sunday school and guides are good activities
12. Licking the bowl after baking is one of the best treats around
13. Not to (visibly) worry about your kids
14. Earning money and getting a job when you can is good
15. Live within your financial means
16. Go do it, you can always come home
17. Chocolate frozen vienetta is a classy dessert
18. Seeing the world is important
19. You can get anywhere on a bus
20.  Be generous with what you have


Dad
1. The difference between right and wrong
2. Have parties at home
3. It’s good to be different
4. Understand the importance of values
5. Go frequently to the gym, play sport and be physically active
6. Good food is to be enjoyed
7. Go to nice restaurants
8. Buy the best you can afford
9. Buy new gadgets
10. Indulge in goodies and treats
11. Debate with people who knock at your door with different world views
12. Respect people who stick up for their beliefs, support unions or people who go on strike
13. Read and respect books
14. Relaxing on the sofa is good for the soul
15. Good telly is great entertainment
16. Fit in and accommodate others
17. Work smart
18. Enjoy freebies
19. There is no such thing as a free lunch
20. People in management are not necessarily smarter than you

Dear mum and dad, thank you. If I can pass on some of these values to my kids, they will turn out just fine.

Being naughty

Why is being naughty so much fun? What is it about sneaking around that is so enjoyable? I am talking about a mid week day off, eating the kids treats when they are in bed or reading a magazine when you should be making the lunch boxes.

Is it the feeling of being good to yourself? Or is it because you are doing something you shouldn't be?

I am talking about going for a pedicure between 12 and 1. Meeting the hubbie for lunch. Taking the hotel toiletries home. You know the sort of thing, and I bet your list is different. Actually a cheeky pedicure is one of my personal favourite naughties. I mean it is only a 3 minute drive from the office, but it feels so decadent. What about going to the gym when your 9 to 10 meeting gets cancelled. If I were to be honest, there is nothing really naughty about any of these, they are just moments when you do just what the hell you want.

These may be just moments when we do what the hell we want, but we consciously make this choice knowing full well, that there is something else, that we really should be getting on with. That's what makes these naughties so naughty. That's what makes them so exciting. That's why we enjoy them, so much.

But why is it, that this kind of sneaky pedicure feels much better than the one on Saturday morning? Why is it that the kids' bite size kit kat tastes sooooo good, way better than the ones you get at the supermarket? I haven't worked it out yet, but it just does taste and feel better.

So I say, let's all go mad and be naughty.  Let's all embrace some harmless fun at least once a week. It really is not a lot to commit to, yet I have a sense that we would all feel a whole lot better about ourselves if we did. Maybe even the world would be a slightly better place because of it. Now that seems worth it! Pedicures for peace!

Go on, I dare you, be naughty.

My story - part three - the non traditional treatments

I have always been curious and willing to try new things. I don't always stick stuff out, but I am always up for something new and interesting. I love to learn and experiment.

So having an incurable condition that I clearly wanted to cure, caused me to explore some of the more, let's say, alternative therapies.

As I explained, in part one and part two of my story, the condition of alopecia is life changing, yet not life threatening. It is purely cosmetic, but it is psychologically and emotionally damaging. Accepting there is nothing that can be done, is hard. Yet medicine cannot help much.

So my adventures of finding a cure, included some research and fun in the following areas:

1. Homeopathy - this was a series of sessions, where I talked to a very nice lady about me, my preferences and my lifestyle. Whatever purpose this served, I did enjoy the discussions. I was forced to be conscious about areas of my life, that I had never explored. It was quite intense, but very insightful.

2. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) - this is based on rebalancing the disharmony of the body functions , qi and xue and many other fancy named organs are at the core of this therapy. The practioner examines the tongue, the pulse and a few other body parts and then diagnoses the imbalance and prescribes a little potion to ingest daily. For a number of months, I tried very hard, dauly, to like TCM. I wanted to like it as I found an appreciation of the history and the holistic approach, but it really felt like I was drinking cigarette ash and at some point I was getting a gag reflex even before the first taste. After a few months I stopped.

3. Bach flower therapy - this is based on the theory that dew on flowers retains healing properties of the plant. When this dew is transferred to humans, it can have the same healing effect. I did this once, although I am not sure why.

4. Schuessler cell salts - I can't say I understood this one too well either, but there are 12 possible salts that can be prescribed and taking the one that you are diagnosed as missing, completes the body's constitution somehow. I don't think I got as far as taking them, even though I went through the session and paid excessively for the salt box.

5. Reiki - this is where palm healing transfers universal energy to allow self healing. It is a bit of an odd therapy, but I was curious. I went once.

The results were pretty much zero. In fairness I never gave any of these therapies chance to work, I had a go, but I think I was more intellectually curious than really willing to try it out.

That said I learned a whole lot about me. One thing that the homeopath suggested made sense, she suggested that humans have a need to get things out of the body. Blocking things, be it sadness and emotion, or sweat caused the body to react and reject other things. Her theory, in my case, was that the hair was being pushed out. Her therapies thus included stopping to wear deodorant and crying more. 

In summary, nothing changed about me physically, but something did shift in me mentally, possibly spiritually. I kind of came to thinking that I needed this experience. I needed this condition to grow and become a better person. I started to believe that this hardship was meant for me, just me and as a result the "why me?"question, became the "why not me" answer. (see my July "Why me?" post)

So my experimentation with alternative therapies spanned about a year and it is now over. I am glad I  tried some of these things out, at least I can say I tried. And hereby endeth my story on alternative treatments.

The final part of "My story" will be part four and this will cover the acceptance and my final solutions.

More soon.......

Seasonal indulgence

Mine is pumpkin spiced latte.

I think we should all have one.

What is yours? 

Reason, season or lifetime

I have a friend who as we get to know each other I realize that we have very little in common, we have different beliefs in how to raise our children, we have different practices and rituals at home, our support system is fundamentally different, our preferences in how to get work done are worlds apart and when and how we socially interact is completely opposite.

Some examples, she speaks to her mother multiple times a day, I to mine every few weeks. I prefer to work in teams, her alone. I let my kids make their own mistakes and fail if that is the natural consequence. Whilst she ensures her kids are learning and doing their homework and achieving at the highest levels possible, allowing them access to the best possible schools and education.

To her horror, I also allow my kids to get sunburned so that next time, they will remember themselves to put on the cream. She believes that there is enough hurt in the world, so she prepares them where she has that control, protecting them as they leave the front door.

She gets nervous, maybe even stressed, when she has to deliver something at work with a colleague, I get nervous when there is no one to work with. She expresses her feelings easily and publicy, I do neither very well.

We dress differently, her flowy and bright, me more fitted with splatters of colour. I enjoy high adrenalin sports with good cardio, she prefers more calm and strength building activities. I enjoy wearing makeup and posh dresses, she prefers jogging pants and being "Au natural". She is dependent on her telephone, I chose to not use it if I can avoid.

So why is it that we get on so well, well actually I am not sure but I think it is however quite simple.

We are both interested in human nature. We both see each other as beautiful, from the inside out. We are both caring and kind. We also both believe it is about give and take in relationships and we are no fools. We both protect our worlds fiercely and enjoy the life we have been given. We look for the learning in hardship and firmly believe we are capable of anything we commit to. We are both always searching, her for the sun and me for myself.

I think I was always meant to meet her, but the time had to be right. She would have been too much for me a few years ago and I too uptight for her. I had to be ready for her.

As you read this you will have formed an opinion about which one of us you prefer, which one lives life best. Yet one thing for me is clear. Our friendship was formed by understanding each other, asking about how our decisions were made and why and how this works for them. Neither of us thinks we have got it right, neither judge the other, ever, at all.

I think that's the essence of it, we respect each others choices and learn from them, stealing ideas that could work back at the ranch.

Dear pathfinder, thank you for coming into my life. So which category do we fall into: Reason, season, lifetime. Answer. All.

Sad statistics

I came across some very sad statistics recently. At first I didn't believe them, but when talking to others about them, they concurred and said they knew someone who would have fallen into these numbers.

According to an article in the British paper "The Guardian"' albeit a few years old now, it states 48% of alopecians admitted they had considered suicide. Wow, that is nearly half of the alopecian population. That is huge. It went on to say that 68% stated that their jobs had been destroyed. Finally 40% said their marriages had been disrupted.

These statistics really highlight the despair and sadness of this condition. The depths of darkness people reach and how it impacts their lives and livelihoods.

It is shocking that people feel this way, especially given there is usually no physical health issue at play. However on reflection, I like my friend, believe these statistics to be true.

I personally fall into the other side of the numbers. I am part of the 52% who have not considered suicide, I am part of 32% whose job has not been destroyed and I am absolutely part of the 60% who have not felt a disruption in their marriage.

Clearly there has been impacts on all of the above, I would be lying if I did not admit that. Yet I am fortunate, in that somehow, I have been supported, planful, determined, optimistic, strong, and downright lucky enough, to fall on to the good side of these statistics.

So as I sign off today, have a thought for anyone around you suffering from hairloss. Offer them support, a kind word, whatever seems right. And know, that I will keep on writing, in hope of raising awareness for this condition and being proud of being Bold, Bald and Beautiful.

Have a safe day.

Possible intents

I dapple with yoga. I enjoy the intensity and the intent. I equally enjoy the speed at which any posture and it's difficulty are over. It is a quick and concentrated effort versus a run or a long bike ride. I do however find yoga extremely difficult.  It requires strength and focus, both of which I am seriously lacking!

So as I said, every now and again I go along to a class. As much as I enjoy the stretch and the physical demands, I am also fascinated by the spirituality behind it. The stories and explanations are simply lovely. Dare I say, even inspirational. The thought of inner harmony or practising a discipline which offers physical, mental and emotional strength all in one go, sounds like a good deal to me! The thought of relaxing the mind and turning off the internal TV, even for a matter of minutes, sounds like sheer heaven. So in theory I am bought in.

Anyway, this morning I intended to go to a yoga class. I had freed up the time in my day and thought I would be rolling out my purple mat, one more time.

However I fell at the first hurdle and I didn't go.

Someone asked if I was available at that time and I said, without any hesitation, yes. Why did I agree so quickly? Had I forgotten? Was the request so important? Well no, not really. Was I looking for an excuse? Possibly.

Either way I didn't go.

Later on in the day, I was grumpy with myself. Why hadn't I gone, even when I thought I had wanted to?  My behaviour was really quite lame.  The reason I came up with, was that I had never really committed to going. I had not mentally made this a priority for my day. Basically I had not committed enough. I thought I had, but when it came down to it, I found a reason not to go. Something else was more important. So all that I really had, was a possible intent. And let's face it, possible intent, was never going to happen! Never ever.

Is this why we never get round to doing the things we want to? Is it as simple as committing, I mean really committing, versus having "only" good intentions?

If it is, I am going to stop wasting my time and energy by pretending that I might do something, namely having lots of possible intents.  Instead I am going to make fewer but more real commitments.  Committments that I really will protect fiercely.

Ask me in a few weeks, to see if it has made a difference?

Thanksgiving, downs and other canadianisms

Today is Thanksgiving in my adopted country. So to all my loyal Canadian readers. Happy Thanksgiving!

For those unfamiliar with this holiday, it is a weekend where most English Canadians eat turkey, feast on pumpkin pie and spend time with their families. They come together and have a whole lot of fun.

The tradition stems from that of Harvest Festival, but my recollection of that is very different. Singing in school assemblies and donating a few bits of food to some cause or other, it's just not the same.  In fact, my memories of Harvest Festival are rather dull. Although I can still rattle off a few verses of "We plow the feeds and scatter" if anyone is vaguely interested!

However, here Harvest Festival or Thanksgiving s a real celebration with food galore. It seems rather jolly.

The Americans also have this tradition, but rather than being the second Monday in October, it takes place on the fourth Thursday of November. This strikes me as odd, considering the reasons for celebrating are the same, and the countries are geographically kind of aligned, yet the days are 5/6 weeks apart.  Buy hey, what do I care?

So what else happens on this glorious 3 day Canadian weekend.  Well here comes my next bit of cultural trivia.  The Allouettes are playing their traditional home game on Thanksgiving Monday. Know what I am talking about yet? Well some of you do, but the majority will have no clue. So the Allouettes are the Montreal football team. Now this in itself is complicated. For the Brits, read American football. For the Canadians and Americans read Canadian football. This is definitely not soccer, nor what the English call football.

So what is the difference between American football and Canadian football?
The size of a Canadian pitch is bigger, the end zones and goal posts are thus in different places
There are 11 players in American football and 12 in Canadian
The ball is also of differenent dimensions
There are 4 downs in American and 3 in Canadian and the list goes on.........

So what is my point? Well there isn't one really. Well maybe that culture and traditions are fascinating and today, I just wanted to share with you all, some fun canadianisms, that I have picked up in the least few weeks.

So whatever you are planning, Happy Thanksgiving. I for one are looking forward to having today off, whatever I end up doing.

Now altogether "We plow the fields and scatter, the good seeds on the land, for it is fed and watered, by Gods almighty hand......"

Chloe, Yasmin and Cameron

I am not sure what I think about them, but I wanted to tell you about the fact they exist. I didn't know until I came across them the other day.  So what am I talking about?

Bald dolls. Yep, that's right, little dollies with no hair.

"Bratz" have launched a line of their dolls with no hair called True Hope Bratz. They have even given these skinny, street cool dolls cute and funky names. It is, I believe, in the spirit of raising awareness of hairloss. Some of the money raised is donated to a children's charity.

So I guess it's a good thing.

Whether it is good or bad, it has definitely piqued my interest.

Raising awareness on taboo subjects is always provocative. Yet where should it stop? An amputee doll? A scarred doll? A doll with hairy legs?

I am fascinated by it. Is this just a marketing scam?  Is it a real ploy for awareness on hair loss?  Is it the start of  a new generation of "real life" toys?

Should I even buy one for my girls? Do I have a morale obligation to subject such ideas?

This fashionistas amongst you, will be pleased to hear that these dolls, named Chloe, Yasmin and Cameron, come equipped with a hat, a second outfit and a bracelet. This I think is very cool, as bald people love looking good as much as others do. Possibly even more so.

Either way, bravo to Bratz, for doing something different. There is something great about selling toys to children demonstrating unconventional beauty.

Parking

I am lucky enough to have a nice car park right in front of my office. It fits about 400 cars I would hazard a guess. There is always plenty of room and multiple rows to park in.

For some reason each day I park in a different spot. Sometimes I park as near to the entrance as possible, to optimize time in the office and enable a quick exit. Other times I park at the back, to ensure I fit in a few more steps of exercise. Other times I go for the middle left and then again it's the middle right. There is absolutely no logic nor reasoning to my choice.

As you can imagine, it often causes me confusion when I leave the office. I often stand there looking amongst the cars, reminding myself of the journey to work and following through on my driving experience. I look like a complete idiot, searching for my car in this very small car park.

Leaving late makes this easier, as my car is then easier to spot.

Most days I can recall quite quickly and successfully, where I parked, some days I go to the place I parked the day before, only to realize that that was indeed yesterday. This incidentally makes me feel very silly.

So why do I do this? Somehow I believe it keeps my mind active and alert. I have read that learning a language keeps Alzheimer's at bay, so this is my cheat. See my "Lazy athlete" post to understand more about this! Learning languages is way more of a process than parking in a different place every day.

So am I the only one with such weird habits? Please make me feel normal by telling me yours.

What makes you strong?

I was having a surprisingly deep conversation with a lovely colleague, in the office cafeteria the other day, when she asked me:

What makes you strong?

This question was clearly on the back of a conversation where we were both talking about some of the tough stuff that had come our way. We had similar views on priorities and the importance of certain things, yet we had different issues to cope with and different personalities to deal with it.
The question was a good one. One that I had not given much thought to.

I really didn't know the answer. Even after pondering for a few days, I had still not come up with an answer. I then began asking others for insights and inspiration. Here are a few of their ideas.

Walking in nature
Making a difference in someone else's life
Being believed in by good people
Confidence in myself
Physical exercise

It's a good list, but it's still wasn't obvious what mine were.
Do you know what makes you strong in the tough times? What keeps you strong for everyday? Have you ever thought about it? 

So after a bit of thinking, here is my list.
1. Physical fitness
2. Being with my husband
3. Plenty of sleep

So if you ever hear of me running marathons, sleeping all weekend then only hanging out with my husband, you will know I am in seroious need of some help!