A strong base

On my birthday I posted 40 things  that I have learned from my parents. I enjoyed writing this list and I have since often referred to it in conversations. It was not a complete list but it made sense to me.

Whilst talking about our children growing up with a group of friends, we talked about what made us successful and made us into the people we are. I referred back to my list, specifically points 10 and 16.

For me, I shared, knowing that whatever I did, I could go home, gave me the confidence to try to new things. This place of return allowed me to be adventurous and take risks.

For example, at 14, I was selected to go on a two week girl guide jamboree with fellow guides from the district, whom I had never met. Destination Amsterdam. My parents strongly encouraged me to go. At 17, I went for a whole summer with a friend to work on a farm in Germany, a place my parents had never been and with a family they had never met.

At 19, I spent 3 months in a 2-man tent in Germany with a girl I met in a taxi at a friends college. At 21, I went to live in South Africa, when I had never left Europe. At 24, I left Germany where I was living at the time, on my bike, and went to live in Brussels so I could learn French. All I had was a train ticket, a backpack and the address of the tourist info. (I stayed there 7 years, had a blast, and as for learning French.....well, who cares right?) and the list goes on.

Not only did my parents allow me to go to these places, they pushed me to go, they even paid for my air tickets and helped me arrange the logistics. They never doubted my ability to be successful in my missions and they never questioned my choices.  

What a great gift my parents gave me. The gift of freedom and adventure. 

What is also amazing about these trips, I met and subsequently formed life long friendships. Whilst the memories of these trips will always remain with me, some things fade, but I would go as far to say as the friends I made in these places only gets stronger.  

This base of return allowed me to try anything, knowing that I always had a safe place to go back to with people who believed in me.  I never actually needed to return to this safe base, but I knew it was there. Solid and strong.

I don't think I ever appreciated this base. This was just the way it was. But it was what shaped my experiences and choices.

The friend I was talking to, explained she never had this base. I felt sad about that. However her experiences forced her to become very independent and make her own way at an early age. And all was good. However her path seemed harder and possibly not as much fun.

Interestingly enough, I am now reading a book on caring and daring leadership and how successful leaders who have high sustained performance offer a secure base to others and importantly have their own secure bases.  I like this parallel and believe in it.

The foundations have to be firm before you can build. And once you have built firm foundations you need to offer that to others. Maybe it is even your obligation to do so.

So whatever parenting tactics I use, I need to remember that the big stuff is what counts later, the fundaments, the solid base. The rest well, I guess I just have to do what I can, knowing somehow it will figure itself out.

It will won't it?