The walk of shame

Every work day I do it, this self titled "walk of shame". Infact I do it twice.

No one knows, or most likely even cares, about this walk. Yet every time I do it, I say to myself. "Here I go on my 20 second walk of shame."

So what is it, this walk of shame?

Well as I have told you, I cycle to work every day. Whatever the weather. I love it. And would not have it any other way.

Under my cycle helmet I have my peaked cap on, which fits perfectly underneath it and offers some shade to my eyelash-free eyes.

I park my bike in a very choiceful spot. It is under a roof and right next to a set of doors. Just behind the set of doors, about 10 metres in, are the toilets / bathrooms.

It is here, that I take off my hat and put on my hair. Ready to enter my workplace campus and take on the day.

However the walk from my bike to the toilets, takes about 20 seconds and it is this path I have named, my walk of shame, as it is here I feel exposed with my hat on, in a very corporate environment 

I walk inhumanly fast, never running. I look down, so as not to catch the eyes of any other employees and I make a beeline to the toilet entrance.

Noone makes me feel this shame. It's just mine. No one says you can't wear hats at work, yet it's me that believes I look wrong.

As I write this, I realise how stupid I am being. I am realising it is me and how I need to change my filters.

Shouldn't I name this my walk of pride? Shouldn't I walk this path with confidence and my head held high? Shouldn't I recognise the journey I have come on and not care what others think?   Shouldn't I strut down the path, meeting the eyes of strangers, quietly saying "Hi look at me, dont I look great!"

The answer is obviously yes to all of these questions, but I am not there yet.

This is a journey and possibly the last few miles are the hardest.

It is a journey of no return, with no way back. I will get to the destination one day. Of that I am sure.

Maybe this year, maybe in ten. What I know is that the journey is conscious. The journey is with purpose and every step with deliberation. Some steps flow, others need courage and support.

But with you I will make it.