So what did change?

Following my recent blog, about a celebrity alopecian saying the disease didn't change her, I received a few questions from you, asking what alopecia changed in me.

It's interesting as I knew this disease had changed me, but to actually articulate this, it took a while.

Here is what I believe it changed.

It changed the way I saw myself. Before alopecia, I had beautiful, thick, long, dark hair. Many people complimented me on my hair and I would have said it was my best feature. Once it was gone, I went through a form of identity crisis. Who was I without hair? Was I anything without hair? What was my best attribute now? Can someone without hair be beautiful?

Many such questions went through my head, every day new questions came into my head, many remaining unanswered.

Over time, I decided if hair is no longer defining me, what is? What can?

One of the first things I learned, and I belief had to learn, was how to wear make up. I needed to fill in the gaps where eyelashes had once been, I needed to distract attention from my hair (or lack of it) to my eyes. I chose to re discover my eyes. I learned to use colour differently. Purple and green tops, always bring comments about the beauty of my eyes. Before alopecia, no one commented on my eyes, now they do.

I also learned that my figure mattered, I was always blessed with not being overweight, but with a bit of focus and a lot of effort, I managed to create a figure that I had never had before and quite frankly never desired to have before.

Basically I found new things to become my attributes and to help me understand that I could still find beauty with my new world.

Finally and most importantly, alopecia opened me up. Not instantly, but over the last few years, it has begun teaching me about myself, my vulnerabilities and what talking about them can change. Not just for myself but for other people. 

Alopecia has allowed me to access other people in a new way, and I believe a more meaningful way. Do I wish I had never had alopecia? Absolutely. Would I trade the new me for the old one?

Never. 

Hardship brings gifts, you just sometimes have to look for them and wait a while.