Places of energy

At book club this month, the following question was posed.

"Environment is important. Some houses, offices and other places are better to avoid. Places can hold energy, good or bad, and it can rub off on you - this is a powerful truth and not to be treated lightly"

When have you experienced a place with good energy?

We all had thoughts on this and you could see when we named places we felt had good energy, you could see the expressions on peoples faces that they really beleived it. Places like Prague, Rome were mentioned. Faces lit up, smiles cracked, shoulders dropped, it was visceral. You know a place of energy when you expereince it.

My place of energy is my sofa.

It may sound lazy and strange and possibly counter energy, but I beleive it to be true.

Its not the sofa itself. It is where the sofa is, what I can see from there, what I expereince when I sit or lie on it. Its a safe haven for me and one I equate with all that I strive for. Family, wellness and being content.

My sofa is my energy, although Paris aint bad either.

What place have you found energy?

Striving for perfection?

I am not a perfectionist.

At least that is what I would have said til now.

I love pareto's 80 / 20 rule and often claim I am more of a 60 / 40 kind of person.

However recently I have been challenging this assumption, not least because of a comment left on last weeks blog about "being grumpy at home and happy in the office".

The comment made me think twice.  See below.

"First of all bickering and burdened is entirely compatible with happy and normal. We are none of us perfect and the bickering is a way of responding to the burden. What seems less normal is the image of perfection you are painting about your work life - your last sentence may be key to resolving the conundrum."

I began asking myself, what am I striving for? At work and at home. Is it perfection?

I would never have thought it was perfection, yet when I read this comment and thought about the efforts I go to sometimes to do the right thing, to ensure I send that mail, to follow up with that person, to call someone back. I have to admit I go to extreme measures to get most of these things done. Not forgetting that I want to go to the gym and be at home for dinner.

What is it that I am unwilling to let go of?

Is it OK if the laundry is not done?

Is it OK if I reply on Monday to the email I received yesterday?

Is it OK if I skip the gym?

Is it OK if I miss the work dinner?

Is it OK if I don't do everything that I believe is asked or expected of me?

Well of course it is OK in all of these cases, yet I strive to be all of these things to all of these people. What for? Who for? Why is it so important?

Are my expectations unrealistic? 

What if I let a few things go and relax a little more?

I was asked in a course this week, "What would your 95 year old say to you today?"  My answer was "Relax a little more, chill, let some stuff go"

I am not sure how I start about it, but having an intent seems a good way.

What would your 95 year old self say to you?

Do you have a TED talk in you?

I have a TED talk in me.

Do you?

Well lets start with what a TED talk is. TED stands for " Technology, Education, Design" and basically it is a a talk about a subject that is meaningful to the speaker and includes ideas to change the world. In fact their stated purpose is "Ideas worth spreading"

The length of any given speech is max. 18 minutes and it is like a strory which has a beginning, middle and end. They are usually great stories. The ones I am most familiar with are ones on leadership and personal well being, however I know there are a whole range of subjects to interest everyone including science, academics and culture. There are millions of recordings of them on youtube, thus very accessible to everyone.

TED conferences are held across the world in many great locations and hundreds of people desperately try to get tickets. Even the process of getting tickets is interesting. You don't just get them on a first come first served basis, you have to apply for one ticket and state why you want to join the conference and what is it that you bring. You can not buy multiple tickets.

Recently TEDx were in Switzerland and I was lucky enough to get a ticket. It was such an inspiring event in that the speakers were eclectic, fascinating and local. Would highly recommend it.

As I was watching the speakers, I thought to myself, I can do this. I have a TED talk in me.

I believe I could construct a story about "being beautiful in business". It would be a story about unconscious bias in the workplace, diversity and inclusion and ulimately about how hidden conditions like alopecia affect women at work.

So do you have a TED talk in you?

What is your subject?

What makes you special?

Doesn't everyone have something?

The more you speak to people and spend time listening to their stories, the more I realise everyone has something that makes them special.

Do you know what yours is?

What is it that makes you special?

Mine most definitely is my baldness.  I cannot tell you of 3 other women who are bald. I simply do not know them. So when I look around a room full of people, I see no other bald women. But if the truth be told, I do not know what I see.

I see a sea of faces with stories, but I do not know these stories.  I will never know them. If I am lucky I may get to know a few of them over a period of time, but there is no way I will ever get to know them all.
The same way, they will not get to know mine.

Isn't it funny how and when we chose to tell our story. If I think about it, I tell my story to the whole universe via this blog, yet when I meet someone, the chances are that it will take us months before we  even step close to the topic of my alopecia. It's just because we chose when and how we tell our stories. The environment matters, the intimacy matters and the level of interest is central.

So as I looked round the conference participants this week, I was reminded of my baldness and how it makes me special. I thought how lucky am I to be special in this way.

Are you happy to be special in your way?

Changing the question?

I am fascinated by the subject of work life balance.

I enjoy hearing how people manage their time and learning what techniques work for them.

Mainly it is by talking to other women I hear about these insights, but its increasingly a dialogue with my male friends too.

Let's be clear it is a topic for everyone if we are honest. But some people are more vocal than others on their struggles and successes.

On reading a book about how one particular lady set up her business, she introduced the reader to a concept. It was a new concept for me and I liked it.

She said, calculate how many hours you have allotted to your work this week, then ask the question "what will be the best use of my time this week?"   If you are anything like her or me, the question you typically ask is " What do I need to do next?".

The first question forces us to look at the big picture, examine the strategic things that need doing and other question is more like, what do I need to first on my to do list, my list of doing everything.

I think I am going to try this.

I tend to go about my day by ticking things off my list and with a similar frequency, adding things on. I have to also admit, I quite like making lists and imortantly I get a kick out of crossing items out. However I am possibly missing the point here. Or maybe the things I write down should be bigger and bolder and less tactical. 

Do any of you do this?

Any other ideas?

Do tell.....

Lemon Meringue Pie

Lemon meringue pie is so linked to memories for me.

And it is is one of our favourites. Both at home with my parents, both with my kids and all our guests. Its a classic and never disappoints.

It brings up images of my mum in the kitchen whipping up the meringue and getting the peaks really high and soft like snow. It reminds me of my chidhood and happy days. It is such a wonderful cake.

Getting it right is somehow more complicated.

Why is it that I can't blind bake the pastry without burning it?

Why is that my peaks are not rolling hills?

And does the lemon bit need condense milk or not?

What is better simple meringue or Italian meringue with melted sugar tipped in and whipped for 15 mins?

Anyone got a fool proof recipe and method?

What is your favourite childhood food? Do you try and replicate it? 

Do tell......

Embarassed?

We were recently a little pool and were the only family in there.

As it happens I was glad of this lack of population, as I had forgotten to bring along my swim hat and as such had nothing to cover my head in the water.

Had there have been other families or people in the pool, I would have just sat on the side and not gone in, however as it was, I felt I could "go naked" and be bald in the water with my kiddies.

So without too much thinking, I just jumped in and played around with the kiddies.

In general, I never bare my naked head, you see I prefer to wear a hat and keep it covered. It feels right and somehow comfy. So jumping into the water with my bald head exposed, was a little surprising and unusual for my family.

My eldest daughter who is starting to become more aware and conscious of self and others, asked me to put on my hat. I explained that I didn't have it with me. She looked very worried. She did not look comfortable. She pointed out that others may come in and she did not want me to be seen like that.

I explained to her that I didn't mind if others did see my like this and if I was comfortable with this, so should she be.

To be honest, I was not overly comfortable with idea of others coming in and seeing my head "naked" but I pretended I was.  I didn't want her to worry about me. I believe her concern came form a place of protection. She really didn't want others to see me like this.

Was she embarrassed or just trying to protect me?

In the end, I figured it really didn't matter, as the reality is, how can she be comfortable with this if I am not?

As it turned out, no one came into the pool, so all was good.

I guess this stage was new for us all.

Does anyone really know you?

Does anyone know all parts of you?

Yesterday as a friend and I were putting the world to rights, we were discussing exactly that question.
Does anyone know all of you?

We kind of ended up with a 70% number.

We felt that many people knew lots about us and together they possibly knew everything, but due to how relationships had been formed, the type of things you knew about each other varied.

For example your neighbour from home is someone you would usually talk to about school days or parents, whereas your current work colleagues might be more likely to know about your work struggles and career aspirations.

What about the friends from University/college, they most likely know about the crazy stuff you have done and your big dreams, but do they know about your challenges in raising children?

Same again with the people you meet as a young parent, possibly at the ante natal classes or the park in the early years, these people will know plenty of things about your choices of nappies, baby food and your thoughts on travelling with kids, but do they know about your siblings?

What about your spouse, what do they know? What don't they know more interestingly?

Is there someone who knows everything?

We didn't think so?

Does the 70% number resonate?

We felt it was a bit like a flower. The petals over lap but are separate, yet the middle (which is ourselves) the petals all come together.

Is it OK that we are only known and loved for 70% of us?

Why do we only share 70%?

Do we like being secretive?

Or do we just talk about things that are relevant?

Thoughts anyone?

One word - Mid Year review

This blog came as a consequence of two events.

The first being my corporate Mid year review. This is a check in half way through the year to see how you are doing in achieving the set 2015  objectives.
The second being a dear friend of mine commenting that she was upset that her word had been blown away by events and that her word was nowhere in reach. What I liked about this conversation was the direction that was set back in January when she chose her word. And also the awareness of the fact that the direction her life was taking was not right for her, for that year. Yes this is frustrating and maddening, yet the fact that the word was holding weight in her thoughts and furthermore her intent for the second half of the year, again reinforced the power of the one word for the year.

As a reminder of my one word for the year 2015. It was stable. Click here for the reminder!

This word has indeed guided me through a few moments this year. There was a situation recently where I was given a choice. The decision I took impacted my stability either one way or the other.

My response took only seconds to conjure up. My choice was to remain stable. Yes the other choice could have been exciting, enriching, bla, bla, bla. But my year was not about those things, my life choices did not need an injection of adrenalin. What I had whole hearted committed to and to which I remain loyal is stability. The power of my intent soared.

So do you remember what your word was?

Is it guiding you?

Are you remaining true to it?

How is your mid year reflection?

What are your hopes for the second part of the year?

Is this word still the right one for you?

Do tell.............