I can be light, happy and entertaining in the office. Generous and kind. A great listener, patient and thoughtful. Yet my skill is that I can turn this into the exact opposite, just by changing locations.
I get back home and become, grumpy and moody. Impatient and selfish. Rushed and agitated.
Its instantaneous. No preparation needed.
This is really how it is - how awful is that?
Saving the best for work and giving your worst to your family??????
The same goes on weekends, we can be bickering and burdened, yet let another family or friend arrive and the atmosphere improves, we all pull ourselves together and laugh a lot more and ignore the chores and the dirty washing. We become lighter and seeem like a happy and nomral family.
It seems so unfair. I wish it was different. But it often isn't.
I may be exaggerating a little, but I know this to be true for me.
Is it because at home, I can let the guard down and be the real me? Is it because I know at work my home behaviour would be unacceptable? Or is it because I know my family love me unconditionally and I can say how I feel and behave how I want to?
Either way, I need to find a way to bring some of the energy I give at work back into the home. And maybe the cost of doing this, is reducing some of the energy that goes into the workplace.
Thoughts anyone? Please tell me I am not alone.
I am so sad to say that I have that skill as well! Your blog is so timely as I have noticed this too much in the last few weeks and have been thinking deeply: Why do I think it is ok to talk to my husband and children as I would NEVER speak to anyone else? Is it because I really believe that I need to raise my voice and be sharp to make them understand something important that they haven't heard the first 3 times I said it? Or is it because my last shred of patience has been used up elsewhere and I am just out of control? I really don't know the answer, but what i do try to do, is own up to my poor behavior and apologize explaining that I just didn't know how else to be heard. Yet then isn't that manipulative to some degree? making it their fault I was brash and rude and agressive? It is a tough one, I would like to spend more time thinking about it. xo
ReplyDeleteFirst of all bickering and burdened is entirely compatible with happy and normal. We are none of us perfect and the bickering is a way of responding to the burden. What seems less normal is the image of perfection you are painting about your work life - your last sentence may be key to resolving the conundrum
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