Word for 2014

So what was your word to describe the year. What was your 2014 in one word?

What were you?

What thing happened to define the year?

What did you do that made it a special year?

Any purchases that were memorable?

Any relationships change?

Job change? House move?

So all these things have been churning round my head these last few days and I am trying to summarize my year in one word. 

I think I will go for "brave"

Brave because I spoke my mind more. Brave because I told the (often brutal) truth more. 

Brave because I asserted myself more. 

Brave because I took some risks at work more and tried different techniques. 

Brave because I allowed myself to be confident. 

Yes brave it is. It could be assertive, honest or courageous. But it's brave. 

What's yours?

Addicted

By some accounts, the average professional spends as many as 13 hours checking e-mail each week — almost twice the time time we spend reading. Or relaxing. Or socializing, even.

I think I fall into that category. In fact I may spend even more time than that!

It was only a few days ago, I confessed to my husband that over the past few weeks, I have become addicted to my smart phone. I am not playing candy crush or minecraft, I am organizing things, checking flights, texting friends, ordering a book on amazon and clearly reading and replying to work emails. As far as I can see being relatively efficient and productive. Yet................I can't put the thing down for more than an hour.

I read recently about a two-week experiment, where the researchers found that checking e-mail less at work makes people feel less stressed … and that feeling less-stressed correlates with a whole lot of other good things, including productivity, sleep quality — even the feeling that life has meaning.

To come to these conclusions, the researchers put together a pretty simple experiment. For one week, they asked a group of 124 e-mail-users to keep their inboxes open the whole workday and check them as often as they could. Then, for the second week, they told their subjects to keep their inboxes closed, turn off e-mail notifications on their phones, and only check e-mail three times during their work hours. During both weeks, the researchers sent participants daily questionnaires about things like how much work they got done, how they slept, and how stressed or nervous they felt.

Overwhelmingly, people answered the same way: When they checked their e-mail all the time, they felt stressed. And when they only checked it three times a day, their stress levels decreased.

Mmmmmm do I feel a new years resolution in the making?

Check email less. Put the phone down for multiple hours at a time.

Am I really addicted or just a heavy user?

Am I just productive and exaggerating the impact?

Anyone else in this quandry?

Coincidence - I think not

There is no such thing as a coincidence.

Someone told me this recently and was so passionate about the statement that it really stuck with me. They gave examples of seeming coincidences and explanations that suggested that they were not. The more I listened the more I started to get what they were saying.

I threw in examples of things that I felt were complete coinincidences and they would argue that the two things were connected. It was defendable.

It was funny to rethink my belief and I began to buy it.

Since then, I have increasingly started to believe that there are indeed no coincidences. If it feels like it is, then the dots just haven’t been connected.

Take yesterday for example, I was looking at my night desk and realised all three objects on the surface, where given to me by the same friend. I was so taken aback by this observation that I took a photo and sent it over, saying "Look at this, thinking of you!".

The message I got back was, "I am not suprised, that's because its my birthday!! How weird is that??? I really did not know that today was his birthday. Or did I somehow?

Did I somewhere have that piece of information in my brain database and when I saw the items, my inner brain waves made the link? Or was it really a coincidence?

Does this kind of thing happen to you?

So is a seeming coincidence, just a lack of connecting the dots?

Are there at times, paths that cross, always for reasons that are much more important than we think?

Basically do we call something a coincidence, just because we don't understand it?

Mmmmmmmmm thats my pondering for the day.

Thoughts anyone?

 

 

 

Assumptions and headscarves!

I received an email from a friend this week.

I hadn't seen her for a while and we have been trying to catch up but somehow not managed.
That said we bumped into each other last Saturday at the local pantomine! Oh yes we did (sorry couldnt resist!) and had a quick chat.

Then a few days later I received a note. One of the lines buried in the text said this:

"Have been meaning to touch base with you over last few days. I wanted to say hi and check in on how you are doing. Didn't know you'd been sick but am guessing you have been."

I replied quickly mentioning that I had had a tummy bug, but all was good now.

A few moments later, after sending it off, I suddenly realised that I had misunderstood the message. She would not have known about my tummy bug. So what was she referrring to? Had I looked ill? Pale? Dark eyes?

I then realised it would have been my headscarf. You see I had only met this friend during the week, after work etc, she had probably never seen me with my headscarf on!

I went on to join the dots. She was assuming that I had been undergoing chemotherapy and as a consequence lost my hair and was now donning a head scarf! Oh! The light bulb went on!

We had never talked about my hairloss nor had I mentioned I had alopecia!

I then quickly sent her another message asking her more about her first message.

And yes she had joined the dots up wrong, and I had missed the link!

So another alopecia moment.  And this one was actually a gross misunderstanding. I am glad I had the hindsight to see what I had missed and also I am glad she had the courage to not ignore my different appearance.

Assumptions and headscarves eh!

So the morale of the story, think more about a message that seems a little odd and secondly have the courage to ask when someone looks different.

 

 

Christmas tree

Today I went out and got our Christmas tree. I have to admit I was rather excited. I do like a bit of Christmas  tradition and seasonal cheer.

We are a little late this year due to the fireplace being replaced and causing a chaos in the living room, not to mention a shed load of dust. But I still feel we are early enough!

That said, today was the day, and my daughter and I went and picked a glorious one. Nice and tall and beautifully green.  It was a lovely day and loading it into the car and then putting it up at home was a breeze.

It did remind me of the Christmas tree we bought a few years ago in Montreal.

Like many people, we drove out to Quinn's farm, where following a ride on a tractor, you were let loose on their land to roam through the rows and rows of trees to pick your own. You would then chop it down yourself (or get a rather handsome young man to do it for you) and it would be brought back for you ready to put into your car back at the farm.

Sounds easy enough.

The first year we did this, I have to admit that we didn't really think about it. We just took it home and put it up in the living room. Just like we did today.

However there is a slight difference in the process.

The tree was standing in the field. A snowy field. And the tree was full of snow. When we got home we put it straight up and began decorating. What we missed, which sounds so obvious now, was the fact that although the snow had melted, the tree was soaking wet.

Over night, the tree decided to leak all over our living room floor. The floor was drowned.

Canadians were quick to point out that you always leave your tree in the garage for 24 hours before bringing into the house.

Well today that experience was very different, it was sunny and warm.  I did miss the snow and the Canadian winter, but hey my tree looked great within a few hours and the floor is still dry!

Being British

I am very proud of my roots. I am very much a Brit. My humour and my way of viewing the world has been massively shaped by where I was born and where I grew up.

When I read this, I did have a chuckle. It did resonate.

"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture & watch American shows on a Japanese TV.  And the most British thing of all?  To be suspicious of anything foreign."

Just a light post to lighten the load this time of year!

Wreaths and womanhood

Last Friday night, I became a woman!

Intrigued?

Well it's a silly story really, but it does make me laugh.

A friend and I received a flyer at a recent farmers market for a "Ladies night" at the local church hall. Like with most flyers, I kindly accepted it, glanced at it, smiled and stuffed it into my coat pocket. My friend however, got all excited and said let's go. Really?

The flyer explained that it would be a night where Christmas wreathes and the like were to be created together with a group of women, and the highlight,would be a florist present to guide and help out.
The complication, you had to bring all your own material.

Well my friend was so up for it, I just agreed to come along, well why not, Friday nights are usually just for TV and sofa snoozing.

So off we went. The lovely ladies were so welcoming. Surprisingly we did not bring the age average down at all, as we had joked about. There were many mothers and daughters present, which was really very lovely.

The shop before hand most definitely was a highlight too, we really did not know what to buy, but as it worked out, we did a pretty good job, although we ended up being a bit short of fir tree branches.

As I was twisting the fir tree round my ring whilst wrapping the wire around, I realized  I was now a real woman, I was doing things my mother in law, will be so proud of! At the age of 42, I had now entered womanhood.


Here is the magnificient object...........

Mine is the one with the wonky candle :-)

So do you do anything that you define as womanly?

Have you been along to the church hall recently and joined in a random community event?

Fun night had by all!

Bah humbug or Merry reindeer?

I do love this time of year, the lights, the excitement, the count down and the planning. It is always accompanied with a dose of adrenalin as to how everything will get done before the year pulls to a close.

Whatever planning I seem to do, it is always a mad busy month with a big dash at the end to get everything done.

One of my favourite parts is picking out gifts for family and friends. I really enjoy thinking about who I wish to buy for and musing over what would they like. I then enjoy perusing the possibilities, often by internet these days, and looking at the different toys and books and thinking through if the ideas match the person.

This is only fun if there is enough time, doing any such shopping under pressure is just never fun. However doing it too early loses its appeal to me to. So in fact this week is the optimum week for finalising my gifts, to ensure they get shipped to arrive on time.

I realise this is not an enjoyable time for many people, the run up to Christmas is often associated with memories and traditions that can be plain hard and emotional. But somehow they seem to put on a brave face as the rest of the world is just so merry.

In our house, we have pantomimes, Christmas markets, christmas gift exchange dinners and work parties to enjoy this month, and that in between the roof renovations, the living room overhaul, the new bed being delivered and the christmas food planning for the family coming to stay! Oh and at work all the end year processes including doing and writing over 10 year end reviews. I get exhausted just writing it all down!

So how ready are you for the year end?

What are the top three things you still want to do?

How do you cope with this time of the year, if all you can muster is Bah Humbug? Anything you want to ask us Merry reindeers to stop annoying you with?

How are you feeling right now?

Take a breath, grab a few quite minutes and think about this, it might be your only chance to do it in the next few weeks

Disability debate continued

I got many comments, in various ways about the question I posed about alopecia being an inconvenience or a disability. It's a good debate.

Whilst there is no one answer, I did come to a sort of conclusion, which is that it is only a disability if the person with the condition, defines it as such. But I do have a issue with this self definition. As I wonder if we can have it both ways?

For example, some health authorities contribute to wig reimbursement, others also cover psychological counselling  services. However if we want to campaign for such support and ensure more health authorities recognize the need for such support, is it appropriate to label alopecia as an inconvenience? Clearly it would need to be recognized as a disability in order for governments to part with their increasingly small pool of money.

So where does that leave the debate?

I dont't think it can be self defined. I believe if we think society should financially support us baldies to find our place in society, through talking it through, or making us look normal, then alopecia needs to be recognized as a disability.

Do I feel disabled? A big no.

But did I ever, do I sometimes and do new alopecians need help - a big YES!

So you know what, I would be happy to hear that alopecia is a recognized disability.

How I then chose to behave is down to me.

Health ingratitude

I don't think anyone would disagree with the sentiment that health is the most important thing, yet there is a strange relationship we have with it.

When we are ill, there is nothing more that we want, than to be healthy again. In the moment of a severe bout of sickness, there is so much that we would be willing to give or pay to get better immediately.

The minute we are better, we are so greatful, we feel so thankful to be able to function like normal, it is a wonderful feeling.

Sadly, however, this gratitude and appreciation, disappears very quickly. Beiing Healthy becomes very quickly the normal again. And luckily our brain and body quickly recover and forget the pain of the past few days. Although at the time, we felt this feeling would never be forgotten.

So why is it that we only have two views on our health : Neutral or negative.

I have tried to search the internet for insights, but have not found any. Maybe I am alone in this health ingratitude?

What about you, do you take your health for granted?

Do any of you have any rituals or ways of showing gratitude for a healthy day?

What practices work to ensure we appreciate the positive days?

Do let me know......

Alopecia - inconvenience of disability?

I recently read that disabilities—visible and invisible—affect more people and have greater consequences for society than most people imagine. It is estimated that about 15% of the global population is living with a disability. This is roughly the size of the combined GDP’s of Ireland, India and Japan.

So is alopecia a disability?

I would assert it is, here is what the article went on to say:

71% of disabilities are non-apparent and include mental health, learning, attention deficit, sensory (low vision/hearing loss), environmental (serious allergies to common products), and developmental/brain injury conditions.

So this article suggests alopecia is not a disability.

Mmmmmmmmm.........

Maybe alopecia is more of an inconvenience than a disability, however I am not so sure.

With alopecia, there may be in an inability for the person
to go swimming
to partake in physical exercise
to feel confident in public spaces
to name just a few things.

But do these things constitute a disbility?

Thoughts?

Thoughtful alopecia gift!

I mentioned last month how spoiled I was on my birthday.

Many of the gifts were personal and thoughtful, including the cocktail in a bag you can freeze - nice touch!

However in the spirit of having an alopecia Friday blog, I share with you one gift that particulary touched me.




It was from one of my top 5 buddies. Remember that post? Some of you did not approve - tee hee.

Either way I received a music CD. In itself a fabulous gift as I love receiving music tips and ideas, as some how I have lost touch with whats cool and what is not.

The CD was by Nell Bryden and the CD cover is beautiful. You can find lots about her on the internet, if you are interested and in one article shes opens with these words:







"Sitting in front of the mirror in my New York apartment, I saw a reflection I hardly recognised. I looked sick. My hair was so thin, large patches of my scalp showed through. My eyebrows and eyelashes were practically gone, too. This wasn’t me, I thought. It felt like a nightmare. But it wasn’t. Until this moment, I had never realised how much my hair had been intertwined with my identity."

So as you can imagine I was very keen to hear her music and I really hoped I would like it!!

And I did.

So thank you friends for looking out for me and for feeling comfortable in gving me alopecian inspired gifts.  am loving it!

Taking stock

After 15 years marriage, I figured it was time to take stock.

So whilst on our weekend away in small village in the Black Forest, we decided (well I kind of did) that it was good idea for us to discuss the 15 events that have shaped our marriage and of course our relationship.

It took us the whole of our nine course meal (yup - that was indulgent!) to come up with a list that we felt good about and that was representative of our years together.

We did not focus just on the good stuff, like fun holidays etc, we agreed that even sad events had a place on the list, as the way in which we deal with adversity or mak decisions as a couple, says everything about how are as a couple.

It was great to spend time on this, it was lovely to hear that we were both very proud of each other. To hear that we both felt we had space to do what we need to do and that we both felt understood by the other.

We consciosuly steered clear of offering each other feedback on what we could do better, as the night was all about the good stuff, the gratitude and the appreciation.

So maybe it did take us 15 years to do something like this, but lets say it was worth the wait.

Do you ever take stock in such a structured way?

What do you think the benefits are?

Are there any downsides to such discussions?

Do share.........

Seasons

I have posted before about my love of seasons, and each time I experience a new season arriving, it gives me many sensations and emotions.

There is something about observing a visual change in your environment to cause you to take stock.

Although it is mid November, today I noticed Autumn. For the first time.

Of course I have been donning the winter coats already and moving the sandals into the cellar, but actually feeling the change of season happened today. In the forest in our village.

It was impossible not to stop and be affected by the leaves, the colours and the sheer beauty of my surroundings.

Have you noticed the arrival of Autumn? Have you felt it? Have you embraced it?

Its gorgeous out there, go see!

Clear skin

So the comments have shamed me into telling you the next installement.

I haved used the cream given by the "telling off" Dr for 4 days in a row and I have to confess that for the first time in years my hands are white again. They are no longer red, but white.

The change is drastic. I am shocked.

I had obviously accepted the fact that red hands are nomal. Now I see that they are not.

Now granted I am using cortizone cream which is rather agressive, but it has shown me that I have tolerated something unnecessarily. Now in 2 days I get the real test and speak about the sustainable solution. So more then!

So todays question is: What are you tolerating and accepting that you can actually do something about?

Is there something that you have taken to be normal, that actually isn't?

And if there is, what are you going to do about it today?

A good telling off

I have had bad skin since birth. Nothing too bad, just eczema, dermatitisy dry and red skin.

I generally ignore it, rub in some moisturizer type lotion most days, and always wear rubber gloves to wash up.  I have generally learned to cope with it and manage it, rather than treat it and look for solutions.

Sounds maybe dumb, but somehow you get used to everything - right?

When my skin flares up badly, I grab for my cortisone cream, but otherwise ignore it.

Recently my cortisone cream has been squeezed to death. There really is nothing left in the tube, so I had to take action.

However I don't have a regular Doctor. Shocking as that may sound, I just don't go to one.

Either way I found a quick appointment and went along to get some more cream.

The Doctor was disgraced. She told me off.  I mean it. She reprimanded me for ignoring my hands and immediately referred me to a Dermatologist. I said that was OK, and I was fine to wait for the usual few weeks to get a slot. She told me off again and said, you need immediate intervention and found me a Doctor who would see me next week!!!

I dared to tell her that slot wouldn't work as I had my family booked in for the flu vaccine some where else at that time.  Without asking, she immeditely called back the Dermatologist, who agreed to vaccinate my family at the same time as treating me!!!

I was stunned.

I mean yes I have bad skin, but it's not that bad and most definitely not life threatening.  I know I sound like a complaining minny, but I was cross with being told off and cross for being controlled like that.

But then I got a hold of myself I thought, wow, how spoilt am I to be given such treatment for my condition which I have neglected for years! So thank you bossy lady for doing what I should have done years ago!

Strange how we humans work, why was I letting my ego get in the way of my health? Whats that all about eh?

So let's see what we find.

Awareness

During my MBA, which is about 15 years ago, I was exposed to a book. I remember reading it, or rather dipping into it, and enjoying what I was learning.  The book was called "Awareness" and the theme was all about making yourself more aware of yourself and your surroundings.  

I remember sharing it with a friend, and interestingly enough during our last get together, we talked about it. I have not picked it up since my MBA days, but as I sat in the garden earlier today, one of the exercises came back to me and I decided to have a go.

Basically, you sit uninterrupted and still for 10 minutes, which as you will agree is a sheer luxury, and in those 10 minutes, you reel off to yourself, all the things you are aware of. Ideally you use all your senses, and you explore what are you seeing, feeling, smelling etc.

Like any meditation, you push all other thoughts to the side, temporarily, and just focus on what you are aware of right now. In that moment.

For me, I felt my feet touching the floor, I heard the birds, I saw the green grass in front of me, I noticed by breathing, I heard a motorbike, I felt my arms against the arms of the chair, I heard the birds again, I saw the cranes building the new school behind our house, I smelt the air and on I went.

Not sure I mangaged for a full ten minutes, as I realized my lasagne was about to burn in the oven, but hey I am no expert at this stuff, I just like having a go!

When I finished, I realized that I had some big omissions in my awareness, eg the sun was crashing down and is was boiling hot, I had not brought to my awareness the fact that my face was being warmed by the sun at all.

And this was just a reminder, that sometimes we miss the obvious, even when we sit down and think. Having a quiet mind is a practice, one which I do not master, but I get the point of it. I am sure practicing this, really helps the big stuff to raise to the surface quicker.

I imagine, that only by becoming aware of things, can we be truly greatful and possibly make good holistic life choices.

I think I am going to the cellar, to dig out the book again. I think it was written by Robert O. Stevens, let's see if my memory serves me well.

Anyone else read it?

Anyone else having a go at being aware?

Anyone else got any tips at this stuff?

Maybe I am beautiful too?

When asked recently what I enjoyed most about attending the alopecia conference, I had to think for a while.  Then it came to me. It was obvious and clearly the thing I enjoyed most.

It was simply being in the same room as other alopecians.

There were about 80 people present. There were the participants who wore wigs, there were those who wore scarves and there were those who had their head uncovered ie just bald.

The people were bright and colorful, yet terribly normal.  No one looked odd, no one looked strange, no one looked out of place.  Even more memorable was this.

Everyone looked beautiful. Especially those who were simply bald.

They looked normal and natural.
Their heads were perfect, shiny and round. Quite simply perfect.
Those heads belonged to faces, which were kind and lovely. Shining eyes and radiant glows. These baldies were quite simply beautiful.

So that was my lasting memory.

Yet as I was reflecting on this last week, the following dawned on me.  If they looked so normal and beautiful, with their bald head exposed, why wouldn't I?

Why wouldn't I look beautiful bald?

Maybe I would too.

Just maybe me too.

Planning for a hobby

We all have our habits, our rituals and our hobbies.

We all have a particular routine which we like to stick to.

We all have a preferred pattern of a day. 

Actually articulating it is less easier, but we all know when something is out of the rhythm that it feels a bit odd and, like me, you may try to quickly bring the day back to a certain normality. 

My day is filed with the following things:

Going to work

Now and again a trip to gym

Cooking on the weekends

Reading my book if it's an early night

Tidying the house 

Doing the washing and other such chores

Going out with friends

Checking Facebook and reading blogs

Texting and face timing/sky ping friends and family

Watching television

I think that list fills my weeks, months and years. 

Of course there are other things that creep in, like shopping, sending presents, ironing, garden work, doing a jigsaw, baking a cake, sorting out old things, visiting the school, flying away for the weekend, repairing the kids clothes, and the like, but the above is my staple. 

My life, like yours, is pretty full with the staple activities. Once these have been done and taken care of there isn't much time left.

Herein lies my musing for the day.  I find when I am in that rare situation that I have time and energy left over after fulfilling all my staples, I find myself at a loss.

It is in these moments, I wish I had a hobby.  I imagine that if I knitted, or played the piano, maybe that would be the thing I would turn to.  Instead, in absence of that hobby, I do more of the staple.  I tidy some more, watch more television or give someone a call.

It is in these moments, I panic (well mildly).  I wonder what it will be like when the kids have gone, when weekends are quiet and there are no bedrooms to sort, no bags of clothes to recycle, no games to play and no parks to go to.  Will I need to find something new to do? Will my staple not be enough?

So my thought for the day, is do we need hobbies?

Do you have one?

Do I have one?

Do I need one?

Do I need to plan for one?

Or am I overdoing this, and actually there will always be enough to do.

Thoughts anyone?

Wig shopping is fun!

This week was my birthday and I was totally spoilt. I got an abundance of gifts, many of which really touched me. 

On the actual day, I chose to have the day off work. This ensured that I was in control of the day. As much as I like my colleagues at work, just the thought of running to meetings, with no time for a loo break, just didn’t seem to be the birthday I was looking for this year.

So instead I took the day off.

I also planned it. My husband and I were to take the 7.48am bus to the train station to ensure we get to Freiburg for 9am. Surgical planning!

In Freiburg is my amazing hairdresser.

I had called her a few weeks ago, asking her to get many new wigs for me to try on during my appointment, with the intent to buy 2 or 3. The appointment was set.

Isn't it interesting how time helps.

Ten years ago, when my alopecia was starting out, no one could have told me that for FUN, and on my BIRTHDAY, I would be choosing to spend it picking wigs.

But its true, it’s now fun. I would prefer to pick wigs than go to spa!!

I tried on quite a few and each one, gives you a different look, a different vibe.

My husband is bolder than me and encourages me to try more daring things and get the wigs cut into something a little modern or daring.

It's so nice to have someone with you Someone who tells you what you need to hear. Someone you trust.

So today my alopecia blog is a reminder. A reminder that time helps and heals most things. Something that was once considered a nightmare or even unconceivable is now something I plan for and look forward to.

So anyone out there who knows someone at the early stages of hair loss, tell them there is hope.

Lots of it.
PS I ended up buying four!!

Social media experiment

Unintentional as it was, I underwent a social media experiment this weekend.
On Facebook, I posted over the whole weekend what I was up to and what I was eating,
This included comments and photos.

Here is the first one just to give you a flavour.

It was my weekends menu!!!

These postings were not as random as they sounds, you see I was on my own for the weekend, hubby and kiddies at Grandma's for the autumn break. I was therefore unusually home alone all week, working.  However being completely unaccustomed to being on my own without plans, I was quite excited. And as such shared my thoughts and activities on Facebook.


Here a picture of my Saturday breakfast

 

Two things came out of this, unplanned social media experiment.

1. My friends in the area called me and texted me, to see if I needed company and activities, as such I got invites for lunches, dinners and cinema outings.  Interestingly, none of which would have come, had my facebook friends not been aware of "my status" coming from my public sharing via social media.

2.Facebook portrays life brighter than it actually is. It's not that I wasn't having a lovely time over the weekend, on my own, but I did not post to Facebook the fact that I actually had an awful cold and had had many sleepless nights due to headaches and general breathing issues. My comments and photos just showed the good stuff.

Thus my friends were commenting on the fact that I should be drinking wine with all my yummy favourite food. However, what I had neglected to post, was the fact that I could barely breathe, so what was the point. There was no chance.

So all in all, I had a splendid weekend with lots of (virtual) interaction and great food. In addition I also learned that if I am lonely and want company, Facebook can help. Secondly, a remimder about the world according to Facebook. Don't be misled into believing what you see on Facebook. Only the good stuff is shared. All is not what it seems!

With that, time to go and welcome my family home!!!

Gowning

I am often in production environments where you need to "gown up".

This means really big white (very unattractive) overalls, hair nets, saftey shoes and safety glasses.

Safety and quality is critical and I find these procedures really support that message, so I really don't mind doing it!

However some of the steps are a little cumbersome, and for wig wearers, they are also challenging.

Have you ever tried putting a hair net over a wig?

It is terribly difficicult, I keep thinking the elastic is going to tighten up and suck in my wig. What a sight that would be.

Also you have to tuck in all your hair, not so easy as wig hair does not bend and flow the same way as natural hair. It really is a jigsaw puzzle, done mostly without the aide of a mirror.

Then there are the safety glasses. Have you ever wondered where you put the glasses arms? Under the wig or on top of the wig? Then add another layer of a hair net. It becomes a nightmare!!!!
Where do the arms go?

So that was my alopecia challenge of the day. How to gown up without making it obvious that I am bald!!

Well I survived and who cares if they noticed. Its fun to be a bit quirky!

Ask a busy person

The quote from Benjamin Franklin rang true over the last few days.

"If you want something doing, ask a busy person"

You see over the last week I have had very little to do. Really, I have rarely been less busy.

My agenda consisted off, getting up, chosing what to have for breakfast, deciding which swimsuit or bikini to wear, chosing my sun bed, and deciding whether to have a swim or read my book first.

That is pretty much how the morning of the last seven days went. So packed agenda, errrr not really.

However you may have also noticed in the last week or so, my blog has been empty. No new posts, no new ideas and no BBB questions for reflection.

However today, I am back to reality and back to work with a day full on meetings and no breaks, however today is the day I am back to blogging. Finding the time to squeeze it in, when really there is very little space in the diary today at all.

It seems the busier we are, the better we manage our time. Busy people seem to understand the limited commodity of time and thus do not let a minute go to waste.

Do you agree with that? Are you a busy person?
Are you able to squeeze things in the busier you are?

Well I have to admit, I did enjoy the slothful nature of the last week of lounging and lazing.
But all good things come to an end, and now back to being busy.

Happy days!

Side effects

When talking over the new medication that was promised to be a miracle cure for aloepcia with a friend, she asked why I would not want to go on a clinical trial.

I listed the reasons I mentioned in an earlier post, but she did not accept this.

She said you need to understand exactly what the side effects. They can be so varied and may be very manageable

Just because a drug has side effects, it doesn't mean that you should rule it out.

Mmmmmmm.

My thinking was that I don't want to create health complications in my life, when they don't exist already today.

She then challenged me to find out more. Only then should I decide.

I love it when people challenge my thinking and open my mind up for new ideas.

I really had ruled out taking these JAK inhibitors without really understanding my decision.

So I committed to finding out more.

And when I do, you know you will hear first?

How do you make your decisions?

Like I do, based on gut, or are you rather the data gatherere? Or do you do something else?

Do tell..........

The repair of the world

Tikkum olam is Hebrew for healing or repairing the world.

And whilst speaking to a good colleague, she told me how she had come across these beautiful words whilst praying with her sister.

 

In our short exchange I learned about her religion and her beliefs and also that in Hebrew, God is not written in its fullest form, but G-d.

 

Bizarre as it may sounds, this reminded me of Harry Potter and the fact that noone says Voldemorts name out loud.

 

Anyway, here are the words she shared.

 

 

Tikkum olam

 

If you see what needs to be repaired and how to repair it,
then you have found a piece of the world that G-d has left for you to complete.  
But if you only see what is wrong and what is ugly in the world,
then it is you yourself that needs repair. 

 Menanchem Schneerson

Hope you enjoyed this too.

Loom bands everywhere!

I am sick of loom bands!

Do you know what I am talking about?
These things. Look familiar?

If you do, you are most definitely a parent, or close relative of young children, most likely girls. I tell you I find them everywhere, I swear the vacuum cleaner must be clogged up with them.

It was all getting a bit much, but this weekend, we had loom frenzy madness.
They have been around for nearly a year now and the interest just isn’t weaning.

Instead of doing the usual necklaces, bracelets and charms, see below

 

............it all went to a whole new level yesterday.
My youngest spent hours researching animals, objects and fancy patterns and then went about trying them all. There were many moments of frustration and anger, at which point I really wanted to ban the darn things and throw them all into the bin, however I restrained myself.

Despite the grievances, my little one perserved and ended up creating things she was very proud, and I guess secretly so am I. A chicken, a bee and a pencil!

That said, as creative as this is and as enjoyable as it may be, the moans and the groans of failed projects was quite frankly annoying.
Anyone else feel like this? Or am I just a rotten mum?

Freakin loom bands!

Cure........No, just frustration

A few weeks ago, I reported that a miracle had been found to cure alopecia.

It created a lot of noise in the worlds press and many people commented to me about it.

Whilst at the Alopecia conference a few weeks ago, this "breaking news" was discussed.

As it turns out, this drug is not a miracle drug for alopecia at all.

Here are the facts, as I understood them:

The drug would need to be adminstered every day of your life hence forth.
The drug, which incidentally is an Oncology drug, would have significant side effects
The drug, which would most likely not be reimbursed by any health authorities, would cost around 25,000 UK pounds a year.
The drug, has not yet been proven to cure alopecia on a wide scale.

So all that to say, that the article did raise hopes, only to dash them. Its unlikely that any alopecian would be interested in taking that drug under those conditions.

That said, it does give a signal that research is ongoing in the area and that maybe this drug and others like it, will continue to be made safer and possibly cheaper and that one day a cure will be known.

Until then, bring on the baldness!

Hardest thing to learn

What is the hardest thing you have ever had to learn to do?

Now maybe the answer could be learning to walk, talk etc, but I would imagine most of us have no memories at all of these difficult learnings. So lets stick to adult life.

What is the most difficult thing that you have consciously had to learn?

Well one of them I was reminded of this morning on my way to work.

There was a girl learning to drive in front of me. Luckily driving school cars are clearly labelled and brightly painted so they are easy to recognise (and keep a distance from). This morning, this bright blues car was going excrutiatingly slow.

The girl in the driving seat was indicating miles ahead of her turn and during the turn, she stalled the engine. Oh my word, this must have been her first lesson.

It just so reminded me of the difficulty of learning to drive. I remember I found it so hard. It was the coordination of the mirror, the clutch, and the accelerator and of course looking in front. All of which had to be done at the same time and ensuring it happened together was so hard to learn, well at least for me. Probably down to my uncoordinated motor skills.

I really do believe that driving was one of the most difficult things I have had to learn.

What about you?

I bet the list is so different from person to person. Let me know what yours was.

And watch out for those learners out there.

Bold, Bald and Beautiful

At last I live up to my blog title.

BOLD

BALD

and

BEAUTIFUL

5 minutes of nothing

Do you sometimes feel that the only place to hide is the toilet?

I remember this when the children were small, the toilet was sometimes the only place where I could go to be on my own. It really was the only minute of peace in a day. 

And now at a five day meeting, I feel the same. I find myself slinking off to the toilet whenever I can, just to have a five minute break from the constant noise. I find myself just sitting in the cubicle for a few extra minutes to enjoy the silence.

Am I the only weird one doing this?

It would be odd to just go sit in the corner alone, people would think I am anti social or just plain odd,  but no one can see you when you are locked in the white box. So it's ok, to just sit there and be quiet for a few undisturbed moments.

It's a fabulous release.  A little escape. 

What's do you do to get your five minutes of nothing?

Do tell. 

Feeling blessed

I spent my day yesterday with people just like me.

Well maybe they weren't just like me at all, however we had one big thing in common. We all had a form of alopecia. Or loved someone with it. 

It was so much fun looking at others wigs, others scarves or admiring their shiny scalps. 

It was ok to stare, ask questions and even touch!

The insights, images and memories will emerge in my blogs over the next few weeks as it is impossible for me to process everything right now. 

But the power of a support network is immense. It turns fear into hope, it turns alone into belonging, it turns sadness into peace and it turns weird into normal. 

I am feeling blessed right now.  Especially as someone who loved me was by my side. 

More to come soon on this experience, right now I am just processing it all. 

You have what?

This weekend is the alopecia conference I talked about months ago.

I am so intrigued. Excited. And nervous. 

So today I told my girls I was leaving for the weekend.  At first my oldest was sad I was going. Especially when I told her in which city it was.

She went on to ask me what I was planning on doing. I told her the truth, namely that I was attending the alopecia areata conference. 

She then asked me a question that floored me.

She asked me what alopecia was????

I was so surprised. What did she mean that she did not know what alopecia was???

And then it became clear. 

I had never told her the real name for my condition. 

She has grown up experiencing the disease and seeing it. Yet never had we called it by its name. 

ALOPECIA

When I told her, all I got was an "oh"

But it was a reminder to me that as parents, we often don't use the technical terms of medical issues, but rather describe them. 

So now my daughter knows the name of my condition and equally importantly, tomorrow I am off to the conference. 

Wish me luck!!!!

Humans with stories

Take a moment to stop and breathe.

I did this this morning on my way to a meeting.

I was cycling over a bridge where the view was spectacular and I stopped.

Just literally for 5 seconds. I stopped, looked at the water, and took one deep breathe.

It was lovely.

Although any yoga practioner would say that you should not think of anything at this time, except your breath, I didnt. I had my head full.

My thought at that moment, was that we are all humans, with our own story.

That was it.

I then began peddaling and rode on my merry way to my meeting.

What I did not expect, was that in that meeting, I would come back to that moment and share that exact insight with the group of Engineers I was standing in front of.

I told them that I was aware that they were all humans with their own story.

Shortly after one of the participants, when prompted, got up and told a story about his child and how it had given him purpose and meaning. It was such a wonderful moment. Such an inspiration.

It was amazing to see what that one moment of pause and deep breathe, had caused in another person. And I dare say, in a broader group of people.

I then began wondering what if I had had two breathes!! Lol.

So I encourage you all to take 5 seconds out of your day and breathe. Just one, long and focussed deep breath.

See what changes happen because of it.

Let me know............

Make the ordinary come alive

Fridays are my alopecia days.

I have instilled a discipline that on Fridays, my blog is always about hair, or lack of it.

However the last few weeks things have been on their head a little and today, I am chosing not to blog about alopecia.

Instead, I will post a few words about a man to whom today, we are saying our goodbyes.

He was a man who taught his son all of the things mentioned below and the one that stands out the most is the line about the touch of a hand. How this father, always took his sons hand and held on to it, during dinner, whilst watching TV or just so.  This touch always caught my breathe, in its tenderness and in its simplicity.  It will always stay with me, beautifully.

Enjoy the words...........

If you were not afraid

I have heard the question posed a lot, either amongst friends or in leadership articles. It is a fun question and often gives interesting insights.

So the question goes: "What would you do if you were not afraid?"

So really, think about it. Take all your fears and inhibitions away and what would you do?

Would you sing on stage?

Would you tell somome you loved them?

Would you resign and open a flower shop?

Would you take off your wig and go bald?

Would you wear your bikini on the beach?

Would you have an affair with your neighbour?

Would you buy a dog?

It's a fun question to deliberate on.

Today I found my answer.

If I was not afraid, I would tell people exactly what I think of them. God or bad.
I think I would have more fun with the bad though.  It would include things like, did you know your dress sense is awful, did  you know that you annoy me, did you know that I hate the way you sit in meetings, did you know that I cant stand the way you always talk about yourself all the time and on it would go............

I would behave like a child in puberty, like someone with no filter.

I am not sure I would have many friends afterwards, but it would be fun for a day.

So what would you do?

Go on, do tell.

Advice from a tree

I cannot claim any of these words as mine, however I love this!!!!

Advice from a tree
Stand tall and proud
Go out on a limb
Remember your roots
Drink plenty of water
Be content with your natural beauty
Enjoy the view


So everyone out there, go do what a tree does and let me know how it works for you!!!!

Day 90 of 100

I have been undertaking a walking challenge for 90 days now.
The challenge is 100 days long.

I am obsessed.

The challenge is with a group of 7 to walk at least 10,000 steps a day for the 100 days. It an external company who sets it up and encourages organizations to take part.

I have to confess I have not consistently walked 10,000 steps a day, but over the period, I have gotten increasingly better, and my average is now about 15,000.  I think I started at about 6,000.

The step count also includes cycling, it does a fancy conversion thing.

What I have learned is that to do 10,000 steps a day, you really do have to change your habits and your mindset.

For example, when I have a meeting now with one other person, we walk.

We get up from the table, put on our coats, and we go outside. I tell you its wonderful, suddenly the conversation opens up and there are no boundaries. It really is a double win. You move and you think differently.

The mindset change I underwent was that going to run that errand was a good thing. So rather than thinking, oh do I really have to go to the post office, or get some milk. I now jump up and say, I will do it. Each trip add hundreds to the count. And 10,000 is not an easy feat. So you need a few errands a day to get to the goal.

I will report out on the results when complete, however I know that I have gradually upped my game. And not through more sport and more gym attendance, but through changing my habits.

I have been suprised by that.

Really suprised.

How much do you walk?

Are there slots in your day where you can squeeze it in?

Have a think, I was suprised how possible it was to change things.

A cure?

In the papers this week, there was some breaking news!!!

There may be a cure for alopecia!!


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/11039593/Alopecia-cure-fully-restores-hair-in-five-months.html


It was reported in quite a lot of the world press and I received it via a number of channels!!

Agreed it is only 3 patients who have been cured, but it is early days.

To my knowledge there has been no cure to date.

So this is quite wonderful.

Am I rushing to be part of the clinical trials?

Am I researching to find out more?

Well not really, but imagine if this drug worked.

Imagine if I could get the hair back on my head. Imagine if it stayed off everywhere else.

Boy would I be the envy of every girl out there.

I will keep following this one to see what happens.

This is an exciting development.

Beautiful words (but will they last into teenage years)

As I was putting my little one to bed, she said:

"Mummy you are the best mummy in the world"

then she paused and said:

"and Daddy is the best Daddy in the world too".

Thats nice I said, why do you say that, I asked.

"Two reasons" she said.

"The first, you are kind."

"The second, you let me do what I want".

Golden eh?

I loved the fact that she appreciated these facts.

So I had a moment of feeling good....................

Then I began wondering.  Mmmmmmmmmmm.

I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that I let her sleep in the clothes she wanted to wear for school the next day!!!! 

I guess everything!!!

Well she is only 7!

Asking for help.

Asking for help is a really difficult thing for many of us.

I will tell you a story. It's a personal story. However 4 or 5  years on, I still reflect back on this story. The teachings were rich and I draw upon them regularly. Each time, saying a personal thank you, to the person who taught me.

About four years ago, we were struggling with school and friends for our eldest daughter. Without disclosing any of her personal details, lets just say she has mild learning and social difficulties, which were causing her emotional distress.

As parents we felt helpless. No one had given us the manufacturers manual for this stuff.

One day at work I was at a bit of a low, and me being me, I was keeping all this to myself.

A colleague of mine saw the weight on my shoulders and asked what was going on. I deflected and did not divulge. She however did not let me off the hook (which was actually a brave strategy considering my closedness on such personal matters).

She dug and poked, till I spilled the beans.

She listened and took it all in.

She then turned around and said, "I can help. I dont know how, but we can solve this one."

I was a little taken aback, but I have to say it felt good to have someone else co-owning the problem and promising to move it forward.

After a while of brainstorming, we came up with a solution.

She said, "Listen, I have a daughter of similar age, I will tell her that your daughter is struggling at school and needs a friend. We will not force it, but I will speak to her and encourage her to be kind and show warmth to another little girl who needs some help."

And that was it.

A few weeks later, we brought them together, just for a few hours, and left them to it.

The experience was wonderful.

They not only got on together, but seemingly enjoyed each other.

Over the period of a few years, we brought them together maybe 3 or 4 times. No more than that. However they became BFF's (Best friends forever!).

I was suprised that a BFF could be built on such few interactions, yet what I failed to understand was that they both enjoyed the fact that each other existed. For mine it was a friend who accepted her for what she was and for the other it was an international exotic new influence in her life with who she could laugh and do silly things with.

Even now they refer to each other as BFF's and I know my daughter draws a lot of strength from this friendship, despite the miles and infrequent play dates, but the sheer fact of her existence is enough to carry her when things get too much.

So story aside, here is the deep learning I got.

You have to let people in. You have to share your stories and let people know what is going on in your life. Keeping it to yourself, does not allow creative new ideas in. Ideas which you would never come up with and ideas that actually work!!

Asking for help is not easy. In fact it is a skill even to know how to ask for help.
However I learned that day 4 or 5 years ago, that asking for help is not a weakness it is a strength.It is a strength that inspires others, allows others to help and ultimately brings goodness to all involved.

Do you share your stories?

Have you also benefited from sharing them?

Do you like hearing others' stories?

Any advise to those of us who struggle sharing?

Exposed heads

Hair provides a natural protection of the head. This means when you bang your head against a low garage door or something hard, you get an almighty whack, a shocking pain that really takes your breath away.

One can argue that any bang to the head is unpleasant, but consider it without a layer of protection, the hair.

It's probably like hurting your hands without gloves on. 

So once again being bald, has a little downside that is not known. Alopecia leaves your scalp exposed and as such an impact to the head can be more serious and possibly providin more damage.

The workaround is clearly simple.  When in the garden or out and about, wear a sturdy hat. This applies equally to balding men as well as us alopecians. 

Protect your head always. It's kind of useful to have one. 

Happy hat wearing. 

Without music, life would be a mistake

I love listening to music. Each time I do, I realise that I don't do it enough.
Music really evokes emotions in me, that otherwise remain dormant.

I often find myself thinking the craziest of things whilst listening to music. I come up with creative and quite possibly unrealistic ideas to the beat of Muse or the Beautiful South. Rhythm and harmony clearly access something in me that nothing else reaches.

Also piano music brings me out in goose bumps. I find it so moving to listen to. It really shakes up my insides and makes me more aware of myself.

One of my friends is quite an accomplished piano player and whilst staying with her (and her adorable family) at the seaside, she played to us. It was amazing and I was so touched by the magic of her fingers on the ivory keys. It really was a beautiful sound. I could have listened to her playing for hours, it really was quite something.

As someone with little to no musical talent or rhythm, I am deeply impressed by the discipline and dedication it takes to get to a good level, or in fact any level, of music playing.

Friedrich Nietzsche was reported to have said
"Without music, life would be a mistake"

A bit dramatic, but I get what he is saying.

Does music do the same to you? How do you ensure your get music into your life?

Seeking.......sunflowers

As I was walking down the bottom of the garden last night, harvesting the tomatoes, I turned my head and saw these beauties.

Standing tall and strong and seemingly sprouting from nowhere.  These radiant flowers had not been planted consciously. At least not by me.

What a lovely surprise. They had clearly been there for weeks now, but today I saw them in all their glory, for the first time. It was like they had just popped up to pass on a message.

I am not really a flower person, so much so that my boyfriend (now husband) bought me a cauliflower for valentines day once, as he said her knew I would enjoy food more than flowers!!! So he got me both - cauli - FLOWER!!! I knew then that I had to marry him :-)

Anyway......sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers. They are beautiful, last a long time and are very clever.  They turn their heads to face the sun.  They know what they need to grow and they are able to move their heads to ensure they get maximum exposure to the sun rays, to get their needs met. Not bad for a flower. Tournesol, is the the French name, which literally means, turn to the sun.  I like that name.

In Greek mythology, the sunflower is the symbol of Clytie, a water nymph, who turns into a sunflower after grieving the loss of her love, Apollo. The mythological symbolism is that Clytie is always facing the sun, looking for Apollo to return.  A sad tale, but one we can relate to.

In Chinese symbolism, the sunflower simply means a symbol of happiness. The yellow meaning vitality and intelligence. Yep I get that.

Whatever the story or belief, sunflowers are unusual flowers. Striking and tall. Bright and smiley.

On my way to work today, I saw them everywhere. In gardens, in vases, on paintings. All looking at me wishing me a nice day.

Today I send sunflowers to you all.

An abundance of them. Bright and yellow. And I know they will all be sending you little messages too!

Spending pocket money

Over the holidays, our girls had twenty pounds pocket money, for their two weeks of holiday.
It was great for them to be independent and wonderful for us to see how they were going to go about spending it.

It was clear that this money was a focus for them most days. Some part of it needed to spent every day. It was like it was burning a hole in their pocket!

We agreed that they were allowed to spend it on what they wanted, however we encouraged them to dicuss their purchases with us, so we could give them some input. And we also asked them not to spend it all on sweets!!!

My youngest took so much pleasure in considering the prices and always ensuring there was some money left for other days.

She bought bracelets, colouring books, pens, and many other little things, see below.

However two things she chose to spend her money on really stick out in my memory.

1. She gave some money to the lady singing beautifully on the streets of Chester and she insisted that it was her money she gave her.

2. She insisted on paying for the car park in Buxton, it was one pound for the pay and display, and despite me explaining that this was mummys and daddys job, she demanded that she paid this time, as we always pay!!

So lovely.

So the money brought treats and education and kindess on many levels!!

And it also lastest the whole two weeks - who would have thought!

Well done girls.

Laughing at alopecia

The last few days were spent with some of my closest and longest friends.

It is in these relationships, the jokes can be really personal and close to the bone and as a result very very funny.

We do enjoy teasing one another, especially about our hang ups and issues.  Sounds mean, but these relationships are built on years of trust and experiences. The ground is solid.

So as my friend was complaining about the state of her hair, I could reply. "Well that's just fine, you complain about your hair, whilst I am here all bald"

Then she was talking about her hair turning grey, again I could reply " Well at least you have gotten hair"

Later I continued, saying that she could at least have shaved her legs if she was going to wear shorts.

And on it went. Hair jokes, amongst all the others.

What was great about these jokes, is that they were jokes, and everyone knew it. I was officially declaring that the doors were open to make fun of me and my baldness. No jokes were off limits, and I could be mocked.

It is very British to be self deprecating in our humor, and a new genre had now been added.

Again a new stage in the journey.

Top tips for saving a bit of money

I like a good bargain. I get a kick out of "free" money, and I know a lot of my friends share this passion.

So recently we were discussing the top tips for saving money, here they are:

1. Buy less meat
2. Use coupons for days out
3. Buy offers in supermarkets, eg buy one get one free
4. Reduce your TV subscriptions
5. Never buy water, take a bottle in your bag everywhere
6. Plan days out than involve no money eg picnic on a hill
7. Use the car less
8. Bring your old clothes, especially kids clothes to the "cash for clothes" shop
9. Make sandwiches for work
10. Swap movies with friends and neighbours

We came up with these in a matter of seconds and without too much thought, so imagine the list if we had gotten creative.

So in short there are many ways for saving a few pennies, and as a consequence showing the kids how to manage money too.

What are your top tips?

Do share.

The rain, my friend

The rain is very loud. 

The pouring is incessant. 

Yet it is tranquil and reassuring. 

It is weather. Beautiful weather.  

It is uncontrollable and in control. 

It pushes us to hide, yet we chose not to. 

Instead we build a tarpaulin shelter, to huddle under.

It brings us together. It forces closeness and nearness. 

We don't need it, but we gladly take it. 

It brings joy and laughter. It causes us to run. To be fast. 

And suddenly it subsides. There is stillness where there was pounding. 

There are rain drops where there were showers. 

There is blue sky, where there was grey. 

Goodbye my friend. Come back soon.

You have been good to us.

It won't be long, but we will equally enjoy your absence. 

Location: Anglesey, North Wales, Yurt 1. 

Denying alopecia?

I dreamed that I had hair. That in itself is not blog worthy, yet how I felt about my hair, I feel is.

In my dream, I suddenly remembered that although I was now owning long wavy brown hair, only months ago I had been bald from alopecia. 

In my dream, I remember thinking, "well so what, that is no big deal, that was in the past". 

So in my dream, I chose not to mention that I had had alopecia to anyone and just pretend that having a full head of hair, was normal for me, just like it was to everyone else. 

What is bizarre about this dream, which it obviously was, as today's mirror reflection was clearly that of a bald woman, is that this is how I think I would actually behave. 

I believe that if my hair did suddenly grow back, I do think I would move on quickly, and bury, possibly even deny, all the hardships that accompanied the long, lonely and unforgiving journey of female baldness. 

However I know this can no longer happen. This blog will ensure that nothing is forgotten. That each and every good, funny and painful memory is recorded. 

So even if the person in the dream becomes me, I will never be able to deny the existence of my story. This story. 

The story of my hairlessness. 

Simple pleasures

Having a coffee on a high street in the Peak District is a simple pleasure, yet nothing about getting here was. Yet in this quiet moment of indulgence, it's nothing other than simple. 

The burst tyre, the car sickness, the winding roads, it all pails into insignificance and the coffee tastes divine. 

Mid England is glorious. It's hilly, green and filled with tea shops.  There is little space for the chains here it's all "Star cafe" or "Ethel's teas". I love that they still thrive. 

The ice cream van selling whippy ice cream with flakes and strawberry juice is always within minutes. The taste is the same as it was thirty years ago. 

This is England at its best. It steeped in tradition and glory. 

Liking it? We're loving it. 

Home? Well at least for me. 

The familiarity of home

Whatever you do, whatever way you go, whatever drawer you open, it all feels familiar.

It doesn't matter what has happened in the last twenty years, the familiarity of what you knew and repeated in the first twenty years of your life, it's programmed. It's in there. Not budging. Not an inch.

It's the repetetive nature of what you did, never questioning it at the time, not considering there were other ways to do things, it was this way, and change was neither looked for, strived for, nor was it required.

So twenty years later, after not being in this place for such a long time, you repeat it. It's like auto pilot, you actually don't know how to do it any different. It is this way, because it was this way. It doesn't need changing. Change would be wrong.

That's what coming home feels like. Familiar and easy. Comforting and unchallenging.

Can I continue to live this way. Most probably not, but I don't have to.  That is not even a question that needs posing.  I don't live here.  My life is no longer here.  Yet none of that matters.  The past is here. My story began here. How I became "me" is here.

And today that's all that matters. And right now, I do belong here. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Bald and brave article

On arrival at my dads house, he gave me a newspaper article.

It was great to read. And even greater that my dad had saved it for me. 

What I loved about the article is how gorgeous these bald women looked. I really felt inspired to go bald. I thought they looked stunning with their shiny heads and beautiful faces. 

There stories were normal alopecia stories and I felt I understood them. 

Here are the excerpts. 

Gorgeous eh? 

I think they even look better without hair. 

What do you think?