Airport fury

It is always with a feeling of I trepidation that I approach airport security. I think most people sense a feeling of guilt as the pass through security. Don't they? With a sense of panic, I wonder, have I got water or lipgloss hidden in the depths of my bag? Are my heels going to beep? Is there something in my bag I did not pack? What about that gift my sister gave me to pass on to my friend and it's all wrapped up?

If I am wearing a wig, I usually feel just fine, well as fine as any other normal person does. However 90% of the time, I am wearing one of my cute little caps. So what's the difference? I hear you ask.

So let me tell you. Well like you, I wait in line and do all the usual things, liquids out, laptops out, belts off, followed by a bit of routine puffing and panting. I then wait my turn to be called to go proceed and go through the electric archway. You know the one that beeps if it feels like it. 

It is at this point, the fun starts. Now depending on my mood, the next bit can go a number of ways. Am I feeling playful? Understanding? Accommodating? Agitated? Angry? Awkward or even stubborn? How much time do I have? Also am I alone? With good friends? Or simply work colleagues? There are many factors at play.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't analyze myself or my surroundings, I just go through the motions, but I have worked out that the process varies quite a lot depending on the above stated factors.

So at this point, I enter the electric arch, and within seconds, I am usually pounced upon and with military command, demanded to take off my hat.  My most common response is a simple and firm "no". This often takes the unsuspecting security person off guard. Sometimes, they think I misunderstood the question and they repeat it, only to find that I had understood perfectly well. 

After a split second of recovery, one of three things happen.

Either they insist that I remove my hat there and then on the spot. They compromise and pat my head down. Or lastly, they march me off to a little box with a curtain and ask me, often more kindly, to remove my hat.

My preferred option is clearly the pat down, but if I am in grumpy kind of mood, I often enjoy the confrontation of the "Do-it-now" approach. 

Now let's be clear, I am all for a bit of experience, but I never lose sight of the fact that I need them to let me pass security, otherwise I am clearly not going anywhere. However I do find it a bit offensive when a big butch man, wants me to expose my bald head for all to see. Respectfully Sir, it ain't gonna happen.

I think what drives my anger, is that when I am wearing a wig, this issue never arises. Hello security people, you can hide things under wigs, you know!

So today, I was in a gentle mood and extremely keen to get home, Mexico city was not for me, so when I refused to take off my hat, I went on to explain, that it was a bit embarrassing, for me to do so, as I had no hair. The lady smiled sympathetically at me and chose for the pat down. Clearly this was a result all round.

However some how I know I am going to be obstinate another time, just because I can. So butch security guard, next time it's show time!