My ocean of calm

It was a stressful moment. I was on the verge of panic. Not the life and death sort of panic, rather the "Oh my god if I don't sort this, there are huge ramifications, implications, complications and upset for everyone" kind of panic.

I am not a stresser and don't easily get flustered, but this potential screw up was on a grand scale. And I was the responsible one.

In general I am very resourceful and known for finding a solution to any type of problem, but with the masses of adrenalin flowing through my veins and the clock ticking, I was not functioning optimally. Possibly not even at all.

My husband was in another time zone, to be exact it was 2.30am where he was.

I had asked him to have his phone, exceptionally, by his bed tonight, just in the case that something in our beautiful, long deliberated plan went wrong. We both knew this was an important event. However neither of us really expected me to call. This was just one if those precautions you take, knowing you won't use it.

Yet mid fluster, mid mind block and mid panic, he was the only voice I wanted to hear.

Yes he could possibly help, although unlikely given the distance, but I needed his calming influence. He was the only one who could help right now.

So I called, it rang and rang and then a little tired voice said "hello". I felt immediately better. He was there. I was no longer alone in my struggle, help was at hand and all would be good.

Despite his obvious state of sleep and drowsiness, he soothed me and got into action. He didn't scream. "How the hell did you get into this mess?". Or "What do you expect me to do at this time of night?" He just listened and did what he could.

I think the real help was not in the action but in sharing the moment and alleviating my stress.

As it transpired within 5 minutes, the problem was solved and the crisis over. Had he helped practically? No. But emotionally 100%.

Looking back, I actually knew what to do and my plan would have worked, so really calling him was not required. But I needed him and I wanted him to share thus situation with me. I needed him then, more than I remember ever needing him before.

Best of all, he understood what I needed right then and there and generously gave it to me. He gave me an ocean of calm.

He spoke kindly. He offered help. He gave me quite simply a symbol of his love. Just when I needed it.

I will always remember this moment. In these few minutes, his actions pulled together everything I love about this man. His tenderness and sheer patience. His lack of judgement or anger. His kindness and loveliness. His willingness to make things better and his talent of always being generous.

I am sorry I disturbed your sleep dear husband, but please go back now, knowing that you were there right when and how I needed you.

Good night!