Bring on the tears

I am leaving behind so much.

Friends who make me laugh.
Colleagues who I adore.
People who we say good morning to.
Shopkeepers who know us.
Neighbours who look after us.

Today it's not about what and where we are going to. Today is about the sadness we leave behind.
Never before have we been part of a community, like this. Never before have we had friends on our street, like this. Never before have we, as a family, shared the same pain, like this.
Never before have I allowed myself to express my sadness, like this.

I have always kept it in. I have kept myself busy. Avoided the emotion. Moved on quickly and denied the feelings.

This time it's different. This time I am allowing myself to cry. This time I am expressing my thoughts. This time I built in time to the "change" to do this. This time I am not allowing myself to escape.

This time I am sad. Deeply sad.

This experience very nearly didn't happen. I am so glad to feel this grief and this depth of sadness. It shows me what I have loved.

I have loved stuff I never nearly had.

So my sadness is only because I have been lucky enough to have had immense happiness.

And that's the good thing.

Tomorrow will be good. I know. But today I am sad. And that's OK.

Bye bye PC, Qc and 6GC.  My tears are for you.

Ps. For anyone who is interested, this blog was posted at the exact time our one way flight to Zurich was scheduled to take off.

Identification

The Habs or the Montreal Canadiens are the Montreal (ice) hockey team. They are adored. They don't seem to win much but they are amazingly popular.

Their memorabilia and souvenirs are to be found everywhere. On cakes, fridge magnets and most of all on Tshirts. I own three, my dad two, my sister one and they live in England!!

In Montreal you hardly notice it anymore, but when you are abroad, when you spot the logo, it's very exciting. Ooooo another Quebecky!

So in Frankfurt today, I noticed the guy next to me wearing a habs shirt. He noticed mine.

 

We knowingly nodded at each other, grinning quietly and formed a silent bond. We were now friends. There for each other.

What logo's to you identify with. What makes you recognize a fellow soul mate? What makes you suddenly befriend random strangers?

Please don't tell me I am the only one.

The best exotic Marigold hotel

Its a fun film with two of my favourite actors, Bill Nighy and Dame Judi Dench.

There were three particular phrases in the film that struck me. Pertinent and relevant.

The first one: "The only real failure is the failure to try and and the the only real measure of success is how we cope with disappointment. "

I like this one, as I am struggling a little with disappointment at the moment and I don't know what to do with it. Ignore it, fight for something else or move on. This saying gave me the answer. Be successful with it. None of the others made sense anymore. So that is what I am going to do. Be successful with it.

The second one: "Everything will be alright in the end. And if it's not, it's not yet the end."

I liked this one because its funny. It's very optimistic and a great way to look at life. I think I might use this one in a conversation some day soon, on an unsuspecting listener.

The third and final one: "Nothing goes as planned, but it's what happens instead that is more interesting."

I liked this one because it's soaked in truth. The best things that have happened to me were not planned. The exciting stuff most definitely not. Think back, how did you meet you partner? Your best friend? When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried, was that planned? How did you get your job?

So there you have it, the wisdom of a film. So if you have seen it, let me know what you thought. And remember, everything will be alright in the end. And if it's not, it's not the end!!!

Change Management at its best

At work we spend a fortune on "managing change" we talk about it, train on it and try to think about it when we go about changing stuff.  I don't intend to be cynical about this, as I am huge believer that if a change is managed well, it really is better for everyone. But something I have learned these past few weeks, is that we all know how to do this. We just have to think.

Take my 9 year old. She knows we are moving away very soon. Times and dates are still abstract for her, but she knows it's happening some time soon.  She rarely mentions it at home, and if she does, she is very matter of fact about it. However a peek behind the scenes of her life, revealed something quite different. Something quite beautiful.

She had begun writing little notes to all the teachers, telling them how she was going to miss them when she moved. Not only had she written these notes in her spare time, but she had delivered them personally and handed them over with tears in her eyes. Heartwarming. My little girl, so thoughtful and so raw.

For her birthday party she made the ever popular kiddie loot bags herself and when I took a closer look, I saw she had written individual notes to all of her friends, saying her goodbyes. Each one personalized and no one forgotten.

And then I began noticing her listening to different CD's in her room. She has a range of them in her collection and she choses them herself, however she had begun playing ones I hadn't heard for a few years. Again on close examination, they were the tunes from her Swiss kindergarten. She was trying to prepare herself for the switch to Swiss German.

Finally, I saw her write a letter to her new teacher, saying she was looking forward to being in the class. She was getting herself ready.

Wow.

This child had intrinsically known what levers to pull to begin the readjustment. She was embracing the emotion, not hiding from it or ignoring it. she was subconsciously thinking about the future and getting herself ready for it. And importantly, she was taking the required time to do this. 

We can learn a lot from 9 year olds. I think I need to observe her a lot more.

I wonder what things I should be doing?

Hair on the pillow

I lay in my bed, one Saturday morning, imagining how it felt for my hair to be laying on the pillow beside me. My long, dark, thick, flowing hair sprayed out on both sides of the pillow.

I have a romantic view of how that feels.

I can however no longer conjure up that sensation. It's like I have forgotten how it feels to have hair. 

I move in bed, yet nothing moves with me. I have no hair. I am bald.

I do happen to remember the hairs in the shower drain, on the bathroom floor, the brush all bunged up with hair. I recall finding a stray hair in my food or in my mouth.  They got just about everywhere.

But I feel like I miss that and I want it all back. Just so I can lie there in bed with my hair softly around me.

The stuff we take for granted, til it's gone. Sigh!

Having it all

I recently read a biography from a senior executive  in my company, who said that she was a firm believer in "having it all".

I have a tremendous respect for that view.

I however, am a firm believer, in that you cannot have it all. Maybe she has found a way to have it all. I have not.

Not that I am missing out on anything big, but I do know that I have made conscious choices to ensure I maintain a balance that works for me. So the things that I do have, I have properly. And the things that I don't have, I have chosen not to prioritze.

I believe you have to set priorities and chose where you spend your time. You have to be willing to put thing aside temporarily, give up on something for a period of time, stop doing that one thing that brings you pleasure if something else is something else is more important.

So what's your belief?

Can you have it all?

A fact everyone knows

How do you say your own name backwards?

Go on what is yours?

I bet you knew it immediately.

Say it out loud. You haven't said it for years have you?  I bet you, you had even forgotten you knew it. But yet, as you think about it now, it's so engrained into your brain.

It's so deeply rooted into our childhood memories, that we can recall it without a seconds hesitation. It rolled off the tongue without any brain activity, didn't it?

Do you know your spouses name backwards? Go ask them. I guarantee they know theirs without thinking too.

Ha ha.

That's my silliness for the day.

Have fun with it!!

Fiscal sense

I was starting to grey, as I lost my hair. I was in my early thirties, so there was nothing really odd about that. The greying I mean, not the hairloss.

It was just a few gray hairs here and there, but enough for me to start "needing" to dye it. It was a pain and a generally unpleasant activity. Not forgetting the amount of towels I stained in the process.

I hear from family and friends that monthly colouring is required, when the greying kicks in.  Especially, if like me, you have (opps had) very dark hair. Some do it more, others less. So let's call it a chore that needs to be carried out every six weeks.

The hair can be coloured, streaked and/or cut. These hair interventions can also be done at different times, ie one week the cut, the next week the colouring, but this really adds on to the time involved.

So a rough calculation says that keeping your hair looking good, costs around 1000 euros, swissies or dollars a year. Am I anywhere close in that estimation ladies?

This does not include time, hair products or anything fancy. Like a sneaky blowdry or straightening for a night out with the girls.

Now the wigs I buy cost around 300 euros, swissies, dollars. Some closer to 400.

I need between 3-4 wigs a year.

Thus my calculation says that taking everything into consideration, wigs are cheaper. So for any of you out there looking to save money, not even considering the huge savings on general body hair elimination, it is cheaper to own false hair than have your own.

So for any of you out there on a budget or trying to save up.

I say get alopecia!!!

It makes fiscal sense.

Being a human bridge

I recently read a good novel. It was given to me by some very good friends. The book gave me some nice hours of entertainment and I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

Whilst the book was full of educational tips and spiritual insights to Buddhism, I just read it as a good story with insightful life lessons.

A colleague at work was recently feeling a bit lost and looking for direction, so following a good chat about life and the universe, I offered her the book as a good read.

She took it and off she went.

A few weeks later she came to me all excited and told me how she had taken tons of notes and how it had really changed her life.

She had never felt so impacted by a book and the timing for her was just right. She was ready for the book, when the book found its way to her.

She went on to say she had bought it for her mum.

Now whilst I enjoyed the book, I didn't  have the same impact.

I was telling the person, who gave me the book about what had happened to my colleague and he said, well clearly your role here was to be "the bridge".

I had passed along the book to where it needed to go.

I liked this expression. Being a human bridge.

It made me think about the act of being or acting as a human bridge in every day life. When we bring and connect two people or two objects together. It made me think how important it is for us to play this role in life. How we often do this subconsciously, but what would happen if we were more conscious about this social role we could play?

So when were you last a human bridge for someone or something?

How did it feel playing this role?

So my challenge to you today, my loyal readers, is to go be a human bridge. Connect two things or two people.

Let us know how it goes?

So how did you meet?

Over dinner we were exchanging stories on how we met as couples. It was really cute. Depending on which partner half was telling the story the story varied. It was equally interesting to see when the other half interjected to correct the flow, to match it to their version of the story.

The way the story got told, said a lot about their relationship. The importance of each event and detail. The intent and thought that went into their first interactions. It was quite remarkable to listen to.

My hubbie and I were not let off the hook, and in turn, were also asked to recount our version of how we got together. It was great to see and listen to my hubbies version. It was different to mine.  Not the facts, but the emotions and feelings attached to each event. It was lovely.

Even after twenty years, how the description of those moments, were able to rekindle the exact same feelings all over again. The specialness of the gestures, the beauty of the intents and the fact that now we can read so much into the small actions.

So I challenge you to go and ask your partner to recount their experiences of how you met. It's fun and heart warming. Listening to their version, felt like a different story, but somehow with a lot a familiarity.

Go on, go ask!!
You may think you know the story, but there is guaranteed still something you dont know.

The obvious omission

I pack lightly wherever I go. You may recall my 2 packing rules rules from an ealier post.

However this holiday my packing list was different.

It had its usual array of clothes, toiletries, but one thing was obvious by its omission.

It was my hair.  My wig. I decided to leave it behind. 

I was holidaying in two parts, but both with trusted people and both were activity driven. 

So whilst mentally preparing for the trip, I envisioned myself as relaxed and comfortable. 

Neither of these states describes that of wearing a wig. So for the first time ever, I left my hair at home for the week and packed even lighter. 

It was a good decision. 

A great decision. 

In the past I would have been too conscious, even vain, to even consier leaving behind my hair. What about first impressions with new people? How does it look going to a restaurant in a cap?  What would people think?

Now all that is gone, instead, replaced with ease, freedom and cute little hats!!

So bye bye little wiggy, it's the office for you only my friend!!!

Emerge and ritualize

Through our many country moves, we have left much loved people behind. Time and time again, we have had to say good bye and hug our friends so tightly, not knowing when we will meet again. Knowing the relationship is about to change.

How it will change is not known, will the friendship get deeper, will we drift apart, will we become phone buddies, will texting replace the face to face catch ups, will we just move on and treasure the memories. It is impossible to know.

It doesn't get any easier. But I suppose we have experience on the reality and likelihood of the friendship lasting decades. The great news: Many of the friendships last.

How the interactions occur, changes of course. One particular friend, my sage, was someone I saw a few times a week for many years. We played sport together and hung out with the same crowd.

Then she moved away.

We were very close and we needed each others wisdom, so we both knew we would not lose touch permanently.

But the "how" we were friends did change. We didn't plan it, but over a short period of time, two traditions emerged. And over time these have become engrained and ritualized.

Tradition one
Every time I am at an airport and have time before I board, I call my friend. She always asks where I am, and laughs when I tell her that I am at the airport. We have great, short chats. Intense and heartwarming.

Tradition two
She always gives me practical presents. Wooden spoon holders, wooden trinket box, a paperweight, boots, great books etc. so every time I use these objects I think of her and smile.
She is everywhere in my house, in every room.

No it's not the same. But it's special and we live on for each other.

So as we get ready for our next big move, I know we will be heartbroken one more time, we will once again question, why the hell we do what we do, but I am also excited to think about how we will keep our friendships going. What new experiences lie ahead.  And what fun is still to be shared with these fabulous people.

Who knows what new traditions will emerge and become ritualized?

So as the darkness of leaving comes upon us, I recall a lovely quote which reminds me what it is really all about.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

Look where you are going

I had the sheer pleasure of being part of an amazing team building experience recently. (Have I told you that I work for an amazing company??)

Anyway, there were a range of activities all targeted at a particular learning experience. After each activity we debriefed on what we had learned and how it applied back into our professional lives.
Each person experienced each activity differently and the impact varied.

However one particular experience only began resonating with me a week later. It was fun at the time, but I had not understood its impact.

The exercise was about driving on ice. We were on a race track with pretty fast and powerful cars and we had to get round the circuit as quickly as we could. As said the track was solid ice.

We had to learn to over steer and under steer, how to use the brakes and when to accelerate. We had co pilots who encouraged and offered tips.  We had radios to communicate when we span out of control, frequently in my case, and we had specific terminology to communicate quickly and effectively.

The advice we were given, was to always focus on the path ahead. Look where you want to go and not where the car is taking you.

This was impossible for me at the beginning as I could only look where the car was going, ie into the snow banks, but whenever I looked onto the path ahead, somehow I got back on track.
And this is so true.

When things go wrong and go off on an unexpected tangent, we should always look where we want to go and get back on track. Often we find ourselves looking where the problems are and continuing on in that direction. Possibly getting ourselves deeper into the issues.

Driving on ice was surprisingly possible, despite being thrown about all the time and spinning regularly.  It was always possible to get back on the track, by seeking out the path ahead.

Today when I was cross country skiing, I fell. This was no big deal, but all the same I fell. It was an ungroomed path and I was concentrating on, and looking at, the ungroomed path beneath my skis. I fell mid way down the slope.

The next time this happened, I said to myself, focus on the path ahead, keep your eyes up and look to where you want to go.  I swear I did not fall. I did not even wobble. I knew where I wanted to go and remained focussed on that during the 15 second descent.

So today's post, is dedicated to all of you who are stuck in a rut and can't find a way out. I say life is like driving on ice, focus on the path ahead, and somehow your wheels will turn and you will find a way out.

This may sound overly simplistic, but I believe in it.

Maybe knowing the path ahead is the hardest thing of all, so make sure you really know where it is that you are going. Once you know that and keep looking at it, you will get there. Of that I am sure.

Frozen lashes

She looked so beautiful, just standing there.  We had been snowshoeing at minus 30 at 9pm.
It was cold and dark. Yet the brisk walk had kept us warm and our jackets had kept the cold out.
It was really cold however.

As we came in to chat and share a hot chocolate, I looked around and saw all the red cheeks. Healthy and happy faces.

As I glanced again, I saw ice crystals at the end of her eyelashes, they looked amazing. Glistening like diamonds. Shining like stars. They made her look beautiful.

For a moment, I wished I had frozen lashes.

I bet no one else noticed them, but I did and I was happy to find beauty where others don't.

Beautiful soft icicles, dancing and sparkling in the dark.

They were balancing at the tips of fine hair, almost as if they shouldn't be. 

Pure natural beauty.