Bring on the tears

I am leaving behind so much.

Friends who make me laugh.
Colleagues who I adore.
People who we say good morning to.
Shopkeepers who know us.
Neighbours who look after us.

Today it's not about what and where we are going to. Today is about the sadness we leave behind.
Never before have we been part of a community, like this. Never before have we had friends on our street, like this. Never before have we, as a family, shared the same pain, like this.
Never before have I allowed myself to express my sadness, like this.

I have always kept it in. I have kept myself busy. Avoided the emotion. Moved on quickly and denied the feelings.

This time it's different. This time I am allowing myself to cry. This time I am expressing my thoughts. This time I built in time to the "change" to do this. This time I am not allowing myself to escape.

This time I am sad. Deeply sad.

This experience very nearly didn't happen. I am so glad to feel this grief and this depth of sadness. It shows me what I have loved.

I have loved stuff I never nearly had.

So my sadness is only because I have been lucky enough to have had immense happiness.

And that's the good thing.

Tomorrow will be good. I know. But today I am sad. And that's OK.

Bye bye PC, Qc and 6GC.  My tears are for you.

Ps. For anyone who is interested, this blog was posted at the exact time our one way flight to Zurich was scheduled to take off.