Unprocessed thinking

Last night, in the pub chatting to some good friends, it rolled off my tongue. It was as if I had been saying it for weeks or months. It came out like I had fully processed the thought and was absolutely sure of its accuracy. It came out as a fact, something that I knew to be true, yet really I don't remember ever actually thinking this thought. At all.

So what was this statement that I made so clearly (with a beautifully chilled Hefeweizen in my hand?)

I said, "I love being 40. It's the best age ever and most likely the best decade. It's because I know myself. I know what I am good at and what I am not. I also know firmly what I want and what I don't. This means I have time to do everything that I chose to."

That was it. The truth as it appeared to me in that moment. It was quite honestly unprocessed, unanalysed and unarticulated til that moment. So is this what I really believe????

Well quite possibly yes.

That said I have loved every age. I had great teenage years at school. I loved my 6th form. Early twenties and University days were absolutely fantastic, I mean really amazing. My first jobs were brilliant, as was having money in my late twenties (not forgetting those luncheon vouchers!) to go fine dining and drinking in Brussels. Then came the thirties with the phase of motherhood and career growth. A real whirlwind but rich and intense. Late thirties brought adrenalin and new hobbies and lust for life and then I enter my forties. Maybe it's just that I appreciated each phase for what it was. Or maybe life just keeps getting better. Yes in all these phases there have been hard times and sadness, but none of this has dominated a decade or a phase.

So as I said this, I knew it was true. What I love about this phase is that it's an honest phase. It's about doing what's right for my ecosystem and not for anyone else. It's about being a good employee but not at the cost of what matters. It's about choosing consciously and deliberately for my community and it's about being bold when needed, being bald and enjoying it and it's about seeing the real beauty around. Seeing it everywhere, seeing all the time and finding it in everyone.
So yes this decade rocks!

Even if I can't go out partying two days in a row anymore, and possibly even prefer a sofa and a blanket to a night out! 

Dreams

Do you look like yourself in your dreams? Do you even know what you look like?

I think I dream of myself with hair.

That said, I do find it very hard to conjure up any images from my dreams. Like anyone else I forget my dreams within minutes of my waking, but often I try to remember what I looked like in my dreams but can't recall it.

Even this morning, waking after a vivid dream, I immediately began to recall images of myself. Yet I couldn't, however somehow I think I have a full head of flowing brown hair. Just like it used to be, but most likely shinier and more beautiful.

Do people who lose a leg, dream of themselves with two? Do people who move house, picture themself living in the old one?

Anyone got a clue about dreams and why we appear how we do?

I am curious......

Wednesday wish

Today, once again, not the usual blog.

I am having too much of a nice time to hang on my computer. I am not checking email, Facebook or my blog stats. I seem to be spending my time playing board games, putting playmobile together and eating home made biscuits. Lovely.

So my wish for you today is that you are also finding time to do things you love,  time to do different things and hopefully enjoying those people you are lucky enough to be with, however short that time may be.

I am filled with gratitude for what I have.

I know I am one of the lucky ones.

May your Wednesday be filled with things that you are grateful for.

Happy holidays dear readers, happy holidays.

Christmas traditions

I love Christmas. I love planning for Christmas and I love the run up and all the activities.  I love getting the children involved and sharing their excitement.

Christmas is rich with memories for me, good ones, fun ones, family ones. It was an exciting time and full of magic.

I wish for the same for my children.

So I have been deliberate this year about activities for the kids and in choosing ones that we can ritulaise and continue year after year.  Traditions are important and repeated ones are really what we remember, whether we love them or hate them.

So here are the deliberate Christmas traditions I have begun embedding for the kids.

The kiddies make their own advent calendar with tinfoil and goodies
They write to Santa and send the letter themselves
We make a gingerbread house
We have an elf, namely the "elf on the shelf" for those of you who know him. We hide him daily and he is called Uddle.
The girls receive a new dress for Christmas day, pretty and colourful
We listen to Christmas carols whenever we can
The kids chose the Christmas tree and we decorate it together

So that is our list, nothing fancy, but things we can do year in year out.

So what do you do? How long have you been doing it? What is natural, what do you intentionally? Do you think traditions matter or is this too structured for this magical season?

Do tell.......

Mayan apocalypse

On Fridays I always blog about hair or lack of it, but not today. There is a subject way more pressing. The world is coming to an end. And more importantly I did not know. How could I have missed this?
And here is how I found out............

In the mornings I often call my friends and family in Europe. It is a great time for me in terms of energy, brain space and time difference. I often have the best conversations and I really enjoy them. In fact when I am back in their time zone, I know I will miss these random (their time) afternoon chats.

Anyway, today I had the pleasure to chat to my sensible friend (this is what she calls herself ;-).

As I was detailing to her my travel plans for the Christmas holidays, she realized that I would be in the air when the world comes to and end! What? I had no clue what was she on about? The world is coming to an end? No one told me! What am I missing? Help!

Apparently the Brits are stocking up on their baked beans to prepare for the events that are about to unfold. Really? I tell you, if the world was coming to an end, it’s not baked beans I would be eating, but that is digressing.

So my curiosity got the better of me and after a few minutes googling here is what I found: 

This Friday on 21st December 2012, at the winter solstice, planet Earth will go out with a bang. This is the prediction of the Mayans.  This will mark the end of 5125-year-long cycle. 

I am so confused? Whose solstice? EST or GMT?

So will I be saved if I am in the air at this time. Where the hell will we land?

Anyway let me know what you are doing to prepare and when (or if) it actually happens.

If not, see you back for Mondays blog :-)

The perfect job

I picked up a book recently called "I could do anything if only I knew what it was". I like books like this. Books that challenge and question why we do what we do.  One of the exercises in the book was to design the perfect job. It encourages you not to stick within constraints or boundaries, but to put together anything and everything you enjoy.

So here comes mine.

I would be always with people, nice people, crazy people, colorful people, eccentric people, fun people, miserable people. I would probably be offering them a service. That service would come with a conversation and in those few minutes I would make their day a little bit better. Maybe through an observation, a joke or a kind word.

The place where this would happen would be in a community. I would be surrounded by sustainable things and good things, maybe it's organic food or fair trade coffee. Maybe it's an environment where recycling and homemade is valued. However this would be a profitable business and financially lucrative. The success of the undertaking would be visible.  Our friends would come by a lot.

It would be a place where my husband would be present. Not necessarily working with him, but somehow interacting and possibly in the same space. I would be called upon for opinions and direction. For my vision and big picture view. I would be the voice of reason. People would genuinely like being with me and seek out my advise. No one would be mean to one another and people would care. There would be laughter and time for silliness, yet it would be a place for serious exchanges, getting stuff done and for receiving help.

There would be no performance appraisals. No gossip. Noone doing things for the next job or the looming promotion, but tasks would done for the benefit of the business and with people for the benefit of people.

We would all work hard. All in ways that make sense for us. Ways that deploy our strengths. I would work more with my brain, than with my hands. I would supervise and not do. I would have willing people to delegate to.

Most days there would be sun in the building, others the snow would be reflecting light through the glass. Either way, there would always be brightness.

Yes that's the place I want to work?

Whats yours? Go on think it out.

Invisible inconveniences

There are many women out there who are suffering silently.

I am not talking about physical or medical ailments, there are many people out there most definitely quietly getting on with life in pain and suffering, however I am talking about the other stuff. The inconvenient things that really get us down.

They are thankfully not medical conditions which cause suffering, yet the hassle and sheer organization around these inconveniences goes unnoticed. There is no sympathy for these things. No sympathy at all.

So what exactly am I talking about?

It's the women with the oversized breasts that need to dress differently to not seem inappropriate. I am talking about the women with facial hair that need constant attention. What about the skin disorders that go hidden beneath the strategic wardrobe, masking the flakiness and rawness.
What about the tattoo that was done, over twenty years ago, that despite multiple laser treatments just does not budge.  What about the strong grey hair roots that need attention every two weeks for us to look presentable. Then there is the awful, unspoken one of heavy periods and hormonal imbalance the days before.  There is such a whole lot going on that is hidden from the world.

I don't consider any of the women I know, who battle with the above, particularly vein. They may wish to look nice and have moments where they brush up for particular occasions, yet these women, struggle with these inconveniences daily. They don't make a fuss about them as they dont hurt, nor do they wish to draw attention to these things. Yet I know each day they find ways to hide their specialness and the things that make them them. 

To all of you wonderful ladies, out there managing your invisible inconveniences in a way that makes you feel normal , I would like to propose a toast. A toast to speacialness and beauty.

Do my kids think I have hair?

Children still ask odd questions, even when they know it's not possible.
Is it because they haven't understood that I have no hair. Is it because that they forget? Or is it something else?

At the swimming pool, my 9 year old declared she liked drying her hair with the swimming pool machines. She then said why don't you try it mum?

I matter of factly told her, that the reason I don't dry my hair like that, is that I do not have any hair to dry. She said "oh ok" and carried on with her business.
No issue, no confusion, just an "oh ok!"

In a similar fashion, the other day my 5 year old asked if she could brush my hair. I said that it wasn't possible, as I had no hair. Just like the elder one, she said "oh" and just carried on.

I find it very cute that they want to include me in their hair fun activities and that, for a moment, they don't understand that the request they are making is not possible. It reminds me that being hairless does not define me and that it really isn't something that my children think about nor worry about. 

There is no taboo on the subject and my interpretation is that my bald head is irrelevant to them, as it should be. They see me like they see themselves, and they include me in their hair fun and allow me to define the exclusion rules not them.

I like being included even though I can't actually be. But the mere fact that I am asked is very warming.

Kids you rock and I love you for seeing me through your lens.

Men's hobbies and down time

A while ago, a few friends were over and we began debating hobbies. We started dividing up men's and women's hobbies. Clearly making massive generalizations and stereotyping.

The men's hobbies went something like this:

Fishing
Hunting
Beer making
Golfing
BBQ ing
Watching Formula one racing
Poker
Watching sport

Women's hobbies went something like this:
Reading
Crafts
Getting their nails done
Baking
Organizing
Exercise
Shopping

Forgive me if these lists are offensive or shameful, but at some level they resonated with us.
So the conversation went towards men's hobbies including downtime, so you club the ball then you walk, you toss in the fishing line then you wait, you put the meat on the grill, then you chat, you stir the hops then you wait, get the picture? Up then down, up then down. 

Whereas the women's hobbies were more social or more consistently active, there wasn't this up and down rhythm. More sustained and permanent movement. Was this just preference or do women view this downtime as a waste of time? Do women have the need to fill downtime with stuff. Yet, we discussed, the downtime really is as important as the up time. At least that's what the boys said.

We even compared this downtime to prehistoric tendencies, namely the downtime is the mental preparation for the kill. We paralleled it to war, you train, you rest.
So are men just Neanderthals or soldiers? Are men finding hobbies that fill this primeval need.

Or we're we just talking a pile of Friday afternoon drink induced rubbish?

I figure it's the latter, but I do so love these silly provocative exchanges.

Make your own observations about what the people around you spend their time doing, and see what you find.

The four values

Often in the corporate world, company values are spoken about. There may even be a list on "Guiding Principles" which outline expected behaviours of particular teams. There is no harm in having them, possibly even some good. However the real value lies in living them, not having them written on a poster in the meeting room.

Having worked in a number of environments and been part of many senior leadership teams, I have seen various versions of company values. Each slightly different, with their own twist. Some have 2 or 3, others have a list of 10. I am not knocking them, but it is sad that we need to have them to explain what good behaviour looks like. One would think, that at a certain stage of life, people should know how to behave. Right?

Anyway, following a conversation with a friend, a friend who has spent time with First Nations folk, she explained that many tribes have four values. They are universal and are spread across many geographies.

When I heard the four, a light when on. Bling! Of course!

That's right, that's all you need. Four. That's all you need either within a family, in the community or in the workplace. So why is it we spend time looking for others, that may seem more pertinent and tailored to us, but really the truth lies in the below four.

Care, Share, respect and teach
I repeat. Care, share, respect and teach

I don't see anything missing.

If all those things were present and everyone was abiding by those four simple principles, life would be just fine. Families would function better, professionals would interact more smoothly and life, well life would be that little bit better.

If we had our disagreements, yet we're respectful and cared about each other, wouldn't that be ok?

If we damaged someone's property or accidentally hurt someone, if we went about repairing the damage with care and respect, wouldn't there be a way to work it out and make things better?

Care, share, respect and teach.

So I think I will begin citing these four simple words, when asked about what place I wish to work and what climate I thrive in.

How simple the truth can be.

So who has alopecia?

A question from Mr Nosey a while ago still needs an answer. So who has alopecia?

It is quite difficult to know who has alopecia and who doesn't. For example, if the condition is alopecia areata it happens only in patches and these can be disguised or hidden with remaining hair.

Also those with complete hairloss, namely alopecia totalis or universalis, then a good fitting wig can be worn completely, hiding the condition. Thus we only really know about those people who come out of the "bald closet".

That said there are a few famous faces, that have either declared their condition or the media has alledged that they are suffering from it.  Some of them are entertaining like: Kojak! Even I had forgotten about him.

Then there are some sports people like the swimmers Duncan Goodhew and Staciana Stitts.  And most recently more famous, Joanna Rowsell (British track cycling champion) who I blogged about during the London Olympics.

Here are some others, surprising how many there are.

Christopher Reeve, aka Superman
Gail Porter, a British TV presenter
Princess Caroline of Monaco
Pier Luigi Collina, Italian football/soccer referree
Neve Campbell, a Canadian actress
Toni Warne, the girl who was recently on the TV show "The voice"
David Duchovny, actor X files
Matt Lucas, the hilarious British actor, in Little Britain and Shooting Stars
Friar Tuck, the fictitious fat and jovial monk, who is Robin Hood's friend
Phyllis Diller, a Canadian comedian who recently died at age 95
Margaret Baker, a beautiful American model, who is gloriously bald

And these are the ones I am aware of.

So this is just a reminder of the prevalence of the condition, and how in some cases, we don't actually realize that they are bald. They just look that way!

Let me know who else you know.

Passports, travel and the Chinese

I travel a lot for my job and have done for over ten years. Some people would find the schedule grueling, however I generally enjoy it, when it does not sneak into the weekends.

I have a few habits which are specifically related to airports and business travel.
The first is what I read. I always pick up newspapers when I am in an airport. This is probably because they are free of charge in most business lounges, but I really do look forward to the broadblatt and flicking through the long pages. I always learn lots of new things and see things from other angles. Clearly I also have the time to read all the articles, even the small ones in the back, which undoubtedly contributes to the overall positve experience!

The second thing I typically do is spend time actually looking at my passport. It's the only time I ever examine the pages, look at the border control stamps, study the photo and really look at every detail.

So this week, I have been on four planes and here are my observations.

1. I like my passport. In the front it reads "Her Britannic Majesty's Secretary of State Requests and requires in the Name of Her Majesty all those whom it may concern to allow the bearer to pass freely without let or hindrance, and to afford the bearer such assistance and protection as may be necessary."  I was at first surprised at the use of capital letters and the punctuation, it somehow seemed wrong, but that aside, I really liked the way it sounded. My country was asking for me to be looked after when traveling. That felt good. Not sure whether they ever will protect me should I be in the unfortunate position where I need their help, but right now it feels reassuring. Thank you your Majesty.

2. The newspaper. Today's article that grabbed me was about passports. The Chinese have printed a map of China in their new passports, which on the surface seems pretty reasonable and benign. However on their map, they have included territories that disputably belong to Taiwan, India and Vietnam.  
Hilarious. You gotta love their audacity! Maybe not the best way to solve international disputes and nurture relations.

So that's the blog for today. Travel, habits and passports. So go look at your passport, what will your country do when you need help? Let me know.

PS. There was no Airport fury today as I wore my wig! I flew through.

Wording on a bag

There is a lovely leisurewear store here, that everyone loves.  www.lululemon.ca

They have great fashion, taste and comfort.

One of my favourite thing about buying anything there, is the bag they give you.

It has lots of cool sayings and quotes on the side.

The one I like most is this:

"Do something that scares you at least once every day"

I love it! Go do it. Go on.

I would write more, but I need to go skydive off the top of the building!

What does my head look like?

It was an odd question, but I guess many people had thought it. I guess the answer to me was obvious, but clearly it is not.

So here is my answer, for those of you who have also wondered. What does my head look like?

My head is quite simply, perfectly formed and shiny. There are no blemishes, beauty spots nor scars. There is not one strand of hair, not one.

It is like a stone you find on the washed out beach. A stone that has been washed over by the tide hundreds of times. Each time, washing away any bumps, smoothening out the surface leaving a soft yet hard exterior. 

It is curvy and shiny. It's warm to touch and has a layer of natural oils protecting the shell.

It is mine. It is part of my look. It is what I have been given and I have learned to love it.

Quite simply it's beautiful.

Lean into it

"Lean into it" is an expression I had not heard before. At least I had never noticed hearing it before. However in 2 days, in two different contexts, I heard 2 different people say "lean into it". Both times the expression had an impact on me.

The first time I heard this was on a you tube link. It's was a great TED video featuring Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook. Google it, it's well worth watching. She was saying that women should "lean into it" more. She was referring to women in their career. They should take on new challenges in a big way and not shy away from big leaps.

The second time was in a Hollywood film "People like us". It was a cute film, the kind that I like, good solid entertainment, the kind where you can shed tears of joy at the end. In the film the Uncle was giving his nephew, six rules for life. One of them was "lean into it". Of course, in true Hollywood style the boy did, and the results were beautiful. You get the picture.

As I don't believe in coincidences, I began thinking about how profound this phrase was. There is nothing really revolutionary about the idea of getting stuck into things, grabbing the bull by the horns, but the simple truths are often the most pertinent. The truth is, that getting really involved in something and becoming passionate about a cause, always reaps great results. Leaning into something and giving it your all, almost always pays off. Half assed attempts are not fruitful for anyone and let's be clear, they are often not as much fun and do not really reap the rewards.

So as I heard this phrase, I realized that there were things I wasn't leaning into, a few things that I was only sort-of doing. Some projects at work, some relationships and also some hobbies.

So my commitment for the week is to lean into at least one thing this week, just that little bit more. Give it that extra focus and uumph and see where it leads.

Anyone else up for the challenge?

The bloody recorder!

Playing the recorder at school is a memory for most people of my generation. Or should I correctly say learning to play the recorder.

I can't say I ever got any good at it, but I do remember enjoying playing it. Be it at school or in the garden shed with my friends.

Honestly, as my some of my older friends will attest to, I was quite bad at music lessons. I even got thrown out of the school orchestra, oh the embarrassment, and I was only playing the triangle!

So the chances of me, being any good at the recorder, are very slim.

Luckily my memory is kind and I remember I was at best average.

Now that my eldest daughter has embarked upon recorder lessons, as part of the school curriculum, it all comes flooding back. I can still pull of a reasonable London's burning, if begged. But really, nothing else has survived the years.

However as I see my daughter struggle with learning the instrument, I start to see why.

There is so much to do. And all at the same time.

You have to breathe in a consistent and rhythmic way.
You have to master the strength of the blow
You have to look at the music notes
Then translate them into finger movements
All the while ensuring you are covering the holes fully and not partially
And then move on to the next note at the same time, to ensure you know what's coming.
Oh yes and some notes need to be held longer than others......

It's a lot of things to do!

So today I ask you all, to have empathy with the screeching across the nations, as your children begin to discover the pleasure of music. And most of all, to encourage and find joy in the sometimes nasty sounds, filling the hallways.

It's understandable.

Were you angry?

At the pool side last week, a fellow mum approached me. She was wondering how I was coping with my my treatment. Quickly I understood and assured her that I did not have cancer, just alopecia. As it transpired, she had just got the all clear from breast cancer after a double mastectomy and was beginning to resume normal life. She was just reaching out as a friend to others who were going through the same thing. Clearly I was not, but she was kind and friendly so we began chatting.

She was very curious about my condition and asked a lot of questions. I really don’t mind this, in fact in many ways I enjoy the angles people approach it. This time, she asked a question, I have never been asked before. She asked if I was angry.

Angry I thought. No I was never angry. I am not angry. Or was I? Am I?

I mean, I am familiar with the (Kubler Ross) change curve. You know the one where you go through the 5 stages of change:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

You experience all the emotions, some places you stay longer than others, other places you go back and fro until you move on to the next phase. And as someone who works in an environment, where managing change is an everyday requirement, I am familiar with the stages and the need to go through each and every one of them.

So looking at the kind lady's question critically, I would have needed to go through  the emotion of anger before I could get to acceptance.

But I could not remember ever being angry. The only time I came close was with the shop assistant in my first ever wig shop I ventured in to. She did not have a bone of empathy in her body, infact she clearly did not have a clue at all about hairloss. She quite factually and rather bluntly told me that if I wished to wear a wig I would need to shave off any of my remaining hair, before I could wear one. I nearly screamed “Shave it off, I am doing all I can to hang on to the final strands and you want me to shave it off. Are you mad woman??"

Yes I was angry that day.
And by the way, you were wrong, dear wig shop assistant. You dont need to be bald to wear a wig.

Yes I was angry that day.  But other than that, I don’t remember being angry. Maybe I was, but have chosen to forget about it or maybe I was angry but buried it.

So yet another reflective question. I was pleased she asked it, it once again caused me to think back on the beginnings of my condition and realize what a long long way I have come. Thank you kind lady, come talk to me again next Sunday at the pool side!

Dancing before school

This morning we had the neighbours kids over for breakfast. It was all in the spirit of helping with the school drop off.

Why aren't breakfasts always that much fun?

The kids chatted at high volumes and laughed at silly things, whilst munching their cereal. Then in record speed, they were finished and were heading upstairs to have a party in one of the bedrooms.

My sensible head had no time to kick in, as they were so fast.

Within seconds, they had chosen the music and were dancing away like crazy. I couldn't resist the urge to stick my head around the door, once the second song had begun.

What a fantastic sight.

Four beautiful girls, jumping up and down in excitement, flinging legs and arms around, letting their hair fly everywhere. Dancing like they just didn't care! Dancing like no one was watching.

It was infectious. I joined in. 

We laughed and giggled. I felt like I was 5.

It lasted only a few minutes and then we packed them up, gloves and hats, ready for school.

There were no complaints, no grumbling and absolutely no procrastinating.  Seriously, a pattern to be repeated.

It left all of us exhilarated, and smiling. It made me wonder, had I ever danced before breakfast before? When was the last time you danced before 8am?

If its not somehting you can remember doing, I challenge you to invite over the neighbours kids, it may just happen all on its own.

Happy days!

What I enjoyed most

As you may have read I recently turned 40.

I enjoy birthdays and generally make a big deal out of them. Be it a murder mystery party with 6 people or a large party in a hall, I don't allow the day to pass without marking it.

I know many people don't share this birthday joy, but I do. I would even go as far as having a birthday week, or even at college, sharing birthdays. Whenever it was one of our birthdays we all behaved like it was all of our own birthday, that way having 4-5 celebrations and reasons to have a blast was easy.

This birthday was no exception.

I had an absolute ball.

When asked why I had such a great time, I had to sit back and think what exactly made it so special.

There were so many things. The presents, the music, the dancing, the birthday cakes, the costumes people designed, created and wore to be in the theme, the effort and ideas to make the hall look sensational.  The list goes on.

However there was one thing, that really stuck out. It is possibly an accumulation of all of the above. My answer was. I felt loved by so many. I was treated special by all. And everyone who was there, was vested in my happiness and having a good time. Even those who weren't there had left notes and gifts for me to enjoy. One particular person even made a big lasagne for the day after my party as they knew I would be is no shape to cook the day after! Wow - she was so right! It was delicious. And another even knitted a union jack tea cosy. I was thrilled!

It was truly an amazing event and a wonderful few days of celebration.

The feeling of being loved by so many was really what made my day so special.

Thank you all. You created a memory. A memory that will last forever.

And as a sign of gratitude to you all, I have made a commitment to myself to give back in double. I dont know yet what this means, but I do know that I look forward to doing this and I am sure it will be very rewarding.  I look forward to passing this love right back!

Headtights

For those of you who have ever wore a wig, even as part of a costume or fancy dress, you will know how itcy and sweaty your head can get. Clearly permanent wigs are designed somewhat better but still, the sensation can be the same, namely highly irritating.

One strategy to help here is a wig cap or head tights as I call it. It's a bit like a putting a pair of your mothers American tan coloured tights over your head, before you put on your wig. That said the wearing of this piece of magic, is nothing short of a small miracle.

These, as I have now learned, so called wig caps, last a long time. Yet like with any hosiery they are prone to holes and laddering.

So the one I have, which is my last one, is really done now. It is soooooo past its best, but as its my last one, I can't just discard it, as it really is better than nothing.

Many of you will be wondering why I just don't go out and get some new ones, but let me tell you, it isn't that easy.

The first reason is that I don't know where to buy them. The ones I own were always given to me by hairdresser / wig supplier who lives about 6000km away. Some might say well order some from the internet, well this isn't too easy as I actually didn't know what they were called. This makes googling kind of hard. However today, I did learn what they are officially called. Wig caps.

So today I decided enough was enough and plunged into the internet, looking for a wig supplier in my 30km radius. I found one and committed to drive there to get some.
It really wasn't that difficult.

So today was the day. Whilst my lovely family were resting and enjoying "quiet time", I jumped in the car and headed to the adress my loyal laptop had given me.

The shop was on a long Boulevard, embedded silently in a strip mall, which only North America knows how to do. I will miss these strip malls, when we leave, they really are quite magnificent.
As I entered the shop I got excited. It was a shop full of wigs, all shapes sizes, colours and types. It really was alopecian heaven. Think shoes girls, shelves and shelves of shoes, in all different shapes and colours. Picture this and then you might get a sense of the emotion!

The lady who kindly served me, who after a bit of scrutiny, I realized was wearing a wig, was called Meghan. She knew all about the accessories and choices that I could make and helped me out immediately. Like anyone in such a shop, I couldn't walk around and not get inspired. I think for the first time I began considering the options really possible.

So whilst in the shop, I made another choice, a very bold one. Next time I go back there, I am taking a friend with me. Someone who can help me navigate the choices and give me real feedback on how to best spend my monthly salary.

Watch out for a future post on "leap of faith" to hear how it went!

(yes I have decided upon the blog title already, despite actually not having had the experience, yet!)

A sense of community

Today I went to the village for a coffee. It was an unusual thing for me to do mid week, but it's good to shake the routine up a bit.  As I walked into the coffee shop, I was telling my Dad, who was with me, how much I enjoyed living in Canada. I was explaining how integrated I felt and how genuinely happy I was to be living in this country. I really feel very at ease both in the local community and in the local culture. Canadians really want people to enjoy their country and their way of life. It's like they were always waiting for us to arrive and be part of them.

As I was mid sentence, the guy in front of me turned round and said "Hi there".  It was the local vicar,  who incidentally rides a Vespa. He is such a great guy. We met him maybe twice in our 2.5 yrs here, but he is so friendly and warm, you can't help wishing you were more religious.

We chatted for a while about this and that and even how I could help out with structuring his staff at the church, well why not I thought. A bit of voluntary consultancy to God, seems like a good use of my time.

Anyway back to the coffee shop. The vicar and I were mid flow, when up popped another friendly face. It was one of my daughters, and occasionally my, ringette (*) teacher. She has such great energy, you can't help but like her.

We exchanged a few sentences, then finally my Dad and I sat down, for our quick morning coffee.

This I realized, was why I love this place. Evidence in motion.  It is a small and friendly community. It is still big enough to go underground and be anonymous for a while should you so wish, yet if you want company or good human interaction, just go out of your door and you shall find it.

It is good to belong.

I think I am finding this increasingly important. 

I believe my next phase of life will be all about belonging. I will be deliberately doing things to belong to something bigger than me. 

I have begun to realize that I want to be in an environment where people care and people matter. An environment where everyone's well being is important to all within.

Somehow this sense of belonging never used to matter. Somehow this now matters more than anything else.

Anyone else having this feeling?  Is this an age thing, a stage of life thing? Has anyone also felt like this and has now got any tips on how to belong more?

Let me know. I am curious.


Note (*) Ringette is a Canadian sport. In short, it is ice hockey for girls with a ring not a puck, and thus a straight stick! 

Not your usual training course

I went on an excellent training course a few weeks ago. It was not a regular skill building one, but one, I would argue, that is a game changer in terms of behaviour. (Apologies for the corporate speak, but I couldn't think of a better descriptor)

It was a program that focussed on you as an individual and your role as a professional and family member. It concentrated on habits and managing self and boundaries. It talked about ritualizing change and incorporatimg a healthy lifestyle. It not only offered participants, a personalized training program after a 90 minute assessment, but during the actual course we did the physical training twice. In the breaks we drank soya shakes and ate raw veggies, there were no choc chip cookies at this place, just home made musli bars.

However, the best part was about our habits at home. How do our children and spouses see us. How do we use our energy.

One of the pre work assignments was to interview our children. They needed to be at least age 5 but even the little ones could contribute. Here were the questions.

1. What do you like the most in me as your mother? What do you think are my best sides?
2. When I am at home before and after work, do you think we spend enough time together?
3. When spending time together, for example, when we are playing or talking to each other, do you think something can be done better? What
4. Do you think I give you the right things? I don't mean material things like toys, rather the things that you can feel.
5. If you had a wish towards me, that would make me a better mother or us a better family, what would it be?

I tell you, such simple questions offer big answers. One of my favourite insights was that my kids thought I spent enough time with them. This was a wonderful outcome as I would have guessed, that with the travel and the long hours that I put in at work, they would have been very critical of my lack of presence, yet they were not. My 9 year replied to question 2, very simply. "Yes we do spend enough time together and I like that." Arrhh, how wonderful little girls are.

Following the same process, with similar questions, to my husband, I learned that the thing that bothered him most was not that I often use my blackberry, but that I do it right in front of him and the kids at breakfast time. He proposed that I just go somewhere they can't see me. How easy that was to implement but clearly how unaware I was that this was annoying.

So I suggest to anyone to have a go with these questions. I was nervous but I got a lot out of it, in fact I realized that maybe, just maybe, I was being a little too hard on myself.  And with a little tweak here and there, my average mother status could get boosted to possibly slightly above average.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Warning

My husband often makes me laugh. It really is one of the reasons I love him so much. He is very entertaining.  Today was no exception.

The school sent out one of those warning letters. You know the sort, the ones they are obliged to send, but really wish they didn't have to. It goes something like this.

"Dear parents, we regret to advise you that we have found children in the school with headlice" and off it goes on to explain that parents can be carriers etc and then offers instructions what to do and what not to do.

This particular notice was sent to my husband, who added his own little love note to me before sending it on.

Dear honey, nothing for you personally to worry about then. Hee hee!

I have to say, I laughed out loud when I read it. The cheeky bugger.
But he did have a point. No lice risk for me! I hadn't realized that advantage of alopecia.

Once again, one up for the baldies!

Bring on the lice!

Stress pants

Have you heard of retail therapy?

A quick google tells me that retail therapy is shopping with the primary purpose of improving the buyer's mood or disposition. Often seen in people during periods of depression or transition, it is normally a short-lived habit. Items purchased during periods of retail therapy are sometimes referred to as "comfort buys".

Recently I fell into this category, and went on a big splurge. Amongst the many acquisitions was a pair of skinny purple jeans. They are quirky and fun and really lift the spirits. This was subconsciously what I was searching out. I wanted something I could wear that would trigger this frame of mind.

Interesting enough, the same week, a friend who is going through a tough time also went on a buying splurge and bought some red skinny jeans. She sent me a photo of herself (on my request) in her new red skinny jeans. They looked gorgeous. Really happy and upbeat.

So we named our new rainbow coloured purchases "stress pants". Note to the Brits, pants equals trousers.

We made a pact that we would wear them, when we need to de stress and they would inject a sense of fun and lightness into our day. They would make us feel good and put us into a great mood. They would possibly even give us a sense of feeling invincible, ready to take on the world. All that in a pair of bright skinny jeans!  Not bad eh?

Do you have a favourite item of clothes, a favourite piece, that puts you in a certain mood? Does it really work?

Do you own something that when you out it on, it triggers, positivity, calm and happiness?

Do share......

The suit

I have a ritual that goes something like this. Before I put an article of clothing into the charity bag for our monthly drop-off, I wear it one more time.

My thinking is that I need to be sure that the skirt, top or shoes really are no longer part of my wardrobe. So as I pull the item out of the wardrobe, for one last time, I smile and wear it, knowing shortly it will be just a distant memory.

Often I recall, with a rather silly nostalgia, all the times I wore the clothing. I think back to how I got hold of it in the first place. Was it a gift from a relative? A mad purchase during a meeting abroad? Was it an impulse buy in the Christmas sales? Usually I can recall a whole lot of memories, often fond ones.

So today, I followed my ritual. I pulled out that blue suit that I bought years ago. In the nineties suits were THE thing to wear if you wanted to get on in the work place. As I put it on, I smiled one last time in my mirror.

I have to admit that wearing a suit did seem odd, as dresses and cute little top and trousers with nice dangly necklace are more my thing these days. But I was assured that someone somewhere would benefit from receiving this decade old suit, as it was in good condition just not the look I was after.

People don’t generally comment on my attire at work, it’s possible to receive the odd compliment on an unusual colour or style, but once a week would be the max.

Today I got 5 comments!!!

“Have you got an interview today?
“Wow, you’re wearing a suit
“That colour looks great on you, is it a new suit?”
“That’s an unusual look for you”
“Are you going to an interview today?”

To all of them I replied honestly and said no, it was my last outing of this attire, until I put it in the charity bag. This clearly made my colleagues laugh out loud, they thought I was insane.

I have to say, as I was a little taken aback, about how much attention my colleagues clearly have been paying to what I am wearing over the past few years!!!

So as anyone else out there got any traditions, on how to part with old or unused clothes?

Some books I just don't buy

There are a number of Alopecia books on the market.

I have read none of them. Not one.

I mentioned in an earlier post, "Investing time in living with alopecia", that I genuinely know very little about my condition of alopecia. This is just my way of coping with it I guess.

However since having the blog, I have done more research than ever before, as I quickly realized, many people expect me to have answers to their questions on the condition.

In addition, a friend recently challenged me on my lack of knowledge. She could not understand why I would not be reading all the latest literature on alopecia and at least reading about other the journeys of other people, their learnings and their experiences. She really felt I needed to understand more and know my facts on my condition. Yes ma'am!

So I had to really think about my rationale. Why had I not done much research?  Why did I not own any of the books on this subject?

Was it just my way of coping? Was I too lazy? Was it time? Maybe I didn't really care.

I decided my reasoning was as follows. I just don't want books about alopecia on my bookshelves. It's as simple as that. I love looking through other peoples bookshelves that are on display in their living space, perusing through the genres, the authors and the range. And somehow, I just couldn't see copies of alopecia books being part of our collection. Oh look, Macbeth, Shades of Grey and Bald women. Mmm, not really my vision.

I realize how silly that may sound, especially given the fact that there are no rules on the fact that books have to displayed. But I found it interesting to understand what was holding me back.

So following this insight, I have now made a different decision. I am going to go and buy two alopecia books right now. I am going to see what I can learn from others.

As to where I will display them. Not so sure, maybe under the bed for now.

It's over

My hubbie and I enjoy those rare moments of relaxing, a particular way. When all the chores are done, we curl up on our sofas (yes each of us has our own) wrap up in blankets and turn on our favourite telly program. Sheer bliss.

Recently we have just switched to DVD's as the adverts on the TV just drive us insane, I mean every 7 minutes really is unnecessary.

We tend to watch a box set of DVD's over a period of months. We look forward to each one, like a teenager would a night out. Oh how times have changed.

My sis sponsors our habit. She sends us great British drama series or sitcoms and she has excellent taste. This year we have gone through Life on Mars, Sherlock and now Stella.

All top-tastic. Thanks sis.

However, Stella finished last night. Part 10 was watched. It's now over.

We loved it. Just fun, light entertainment with a touch of reality and plenty of laughs. We looked forward to it and savoured each one. We only put it on when we were both in the mood and we had time to snuggle up. Once we even watched two in one night. That was really decadent.

And now it is over. It was great. We loved every moment.

We are sad it's over, but soon it's Christmas, so I better be nice to my sister and maybe next year we get a new series. Hint hint Sister Sue!

So what do you do to relax? Do you have a special routine with your loved one? Is it as boring as mine? Go on inspire me, make me jealous. Make me wish I had more energy at 9pm!

Stillness

I never really sit down and think, let's write a blog. For me, writing does not happen through deliberate intent. Rather, I write when something occurs to me, then I scribble down some notes, which begin the start of a story or blog.

This week I have been on a family holiday and have spent 7 full days touring the Rockies in an RV (recreation vehicle). Alternatively known as a campervan.

We have been travelling through many national parks with no specific agenda nor destination. All we had to do was look out the window for wildlife and take the odd photograph. In my mental planning, I had foreseen a rush of inspiration and blog content pouring out of me daily.

Yet here I am at the end of my week in the Rockies, with no posts to share.

I have had plenty of time. I have been exposed to many new experiences. I have had many new impressions. Despite all of that, I have simply had no desire, whatsoever, for me to churn out a blog.

I think for one of the first times in many years, I have really enjoyed having nothing to do. Nothing to think about. Nothing to say.

I have been inspired by the grandeur of the mountains, the splendor of the terrain, the ever changing weather and the joy of watching my kids just be.  As a result, there has not been a pull for me to do anything but enjoy the moment. The precious moments of peacefulness.

I am surprised by this lack of drive. However I really am thrilled that I found the quiet and stillness of mind to just be in the present with my beautiful family. And simply observe the greatness of the landscape.

It's possible that as I return to crazydom, all my ideas and reflections begin pouring out and do turn into blogs, but right now my mind is calm.

The intense experience of the Rockies has restored some inner peace and provided a lifelong imprint on me.

I have always enjoyed being in the mountains. And today I understand a little more why.

Thank you Alberta, I will always remember you. May you be with me, whenever I need you.

They are going to be OK

The National Alopecia Areata Foundation says that there is more than a 90% chance you will not pass alopecia on to your child. What a relief!

I have to admit, that I am constantly looking for signs of balding whilst brushing my daughters' hair.
If there is more hair in the hairbrush, or on the floor than what I deem normal, I get nervous. I offer to brush their hair once more, with the motive of checking for thinning or bald spots.

It is one thing having no hair yourself, but for your kids, to me that seems like it would be unbearable. I do know, that we would make it work and find solutions, but really this would be a tough one. 

Personally, I was 30 when I started to lose my hair. I had gotten through school and had my first dates. I had even been married for a few years. So in many ways, I had it easy when I got alopecia.  But a child at school, I am not sure how I would cope with that.

Yet a few weeks ago, when chatting to a lovely colleague, she told me her son at a very young age, lost all his hair. She showed me, proudly, a photo of him. I have to say, he was gorgeous. All I saw was his beautiful eyes. His cute little smile. I hardly noticed the fact that he had no hair. All I could see, was a handsome little boy, with a radiance around him.  In fact, he looked like he was meant to be that way. He was just, quite simply, perfect.

So when I read these statistics, I felt better about the genetics of alopecia. However, it also made me realize, that I do carry a burden with me, a burden of me passing alopecia on to my girls.  Up until this point, I had not been aware that I been stressing about this, albeit quietly.

So now that I have this awareness and these statistics, I will make a conscious effort to stop this obsession and realize that the chances are on our side. Even if my girls do inherit this condition, I am safe in the knowledge that their inner and outer beauty will be enough to carry them through.

Just like my colleagues beautiful little boy.

Aeroplane food obsession

What is it about being on a plane for more than 30 minutes and needing to eat??

It is a real primeval need, which has nothing to do with hunger.

It is a well known fact that food on aeroplanes is notoriously bad, I mean really bad. Microwaved pizza, sponge bread sandwiches, you know the sort of thing. Pringles are always a good choice and a definite family favourite. But they are approximately 5 times the price of the supermarket, which makes them a big indulgence.

Yet with full knowledge that the price and the quality are not all correlated, I just can't wait for the trolley to come round and to place my order. As I wait, I even begin to get nervous. Look at all those people ordering the same thing I want. Will there be anything left for me? I often get anxious when the trolley comes to a standstill and they begin searching for the last soggy sandwich in the depths of the little wheely wagon. I secretly begin hoping and praying they still have my choice. Please, please, please, have one left for me.

So what is this irrational desire all about? Is it idiosyncratic behaviour, namely when I sit in an aeroplane seat, within 30 minutes, my brain is conditioned to expect food? Or is it just boredom and a great time filler?

So as I sit here in 15B, heading west to Calgary, I blog away quietly, desperately filling in the time until the trolley comes tootling by, filled with goodies, waiting to be bought by suckers like me.

Here it comes, got to go.


Bon appetit

As I turn 40

These are the 40 memories of what I believe, are the most impactful values my parents passed on to me, in my younger years.

Each of these beautiful teachings, got me, I believe, to where I am. And today, as I celebrate my 40th birthday with my own children, I look back with a smile and am truly grateful for all the things my parents taught me. Here is a list of some of them.


Mum
1. Everything in moderation
2. Wear nice shoes with high heels
3. Put on pretty make up
4. Get your hair done
5. Work hard
6. Spend time with friends
7. Dance at parties (memories of the birdie dance still however haunt me)
8. Keep busy, swim, badminton, line dancing and ideally with friends
9. Don't waste anything,  recycle and reuse where you can
10. Go out into the world to discover it for yourself
11. Sunday school and guides are good activities
12. Licking the bowl after baking is one of the best treats around
13. Not to (visibly) worry about your kids
14. Earning money and getting a job when you can is good
15. Live within your financial means
16. Go do it, you can always come home
17. Chocolate frozen vienetta is a classy dessert
18. Seeing the world is important
19. You can get anywhere on a bus
20.  Be generous with what you have


Dad
1. The difference between right and wrong
2. Have parties at home
3. It’s good to be different
4. Understand the importance of values
5. Go frequently to the gym, play sport and be physically active
6. Good food is to be enjoyed
7. Go to nice restaurants
8. Buy the best you can afford
9. Buy new gadgets
10. Indulge in goodies and treats
11. Debate with people who knock at your door with different world views
12. Respect people who stick up for their beliefs, support unions or people who go on strike
13. Read and respect books
14. Relaxing on the sofa is good for the soul
15. Good telly is great entertainment
16. Fit in and accommodate others
17. Work smart
18. Enjoy freebies
19. There is no such thing as a free lunch
20. People in management are not necessarily smarter than you

Dear mum and dad, thank you. If I can pass on some of these values to my kids, they will turn out just fine.

Being naughty

Why is being naughty so much fun? What is it about sneaking around that is so enjoyable? I am talking about a mid week day off, eating the kids treats when they are in bed or reading a magazine when you should be making the lunch boxes.

Is it the feeling of being good to yourself? Or is it because you are doing something you shouldn't be?

I am talking about going for a pedicure between 12 and 1. Meeting the hubbie for lunch. Taking the hotel toiletries home. You know the sort of thing, and I bet your list is different. Actually a cheeky pedicure is one of my personal favourite naughties. I mean it is only a 3 minute drive from the office, but it feels so decadent. What about going to the gym when your 9 to 10 meeting gets cancelled. If I were to be honest, there is nothing really naughty about any of these, they are just moments when you do just what the hell you want.

These may be just moments when we do what the hell we want, but we consciously make this choice knowing full well, that there is something else, that we really should be getting on with. That's what makes these naughties so naughty. That's what makes them so exciting. That's why we enjoy them, so much.

But why is it, that this kind of sneaky pedicure feels much better than the one on Saturday morning? Why is it that the kids' bite size kit kat tastes sooooo good, way better than the ones you get at the supermarket? I haven't worked it out yet, but it just does taste and feel better.

So I say, let's all go mad and be naughty.  Let's all embrace some harmless fun at least once a week. It really is not a lot to commit to, yet I have a sense that we would all feel a whole lot better about ourselves if we did. Maybe even the world would be a slightly better place because of it. Now that seems worth it! Pedicures for peace!

Go on, I dare you, be naughty.

My story - part three - the non traditional treatments

I have always been curious and willing to try new things. I don't always stick stuff out, but I am always up for something new and interesting. I love to learn and experiment.

So having an incurable condition that I clearly wanted to cure, caused me to explore some of the more, let's say, alternative therapies.

As I explained, in part one and part two of my story, the condition of alopecia is life changing, yet not life threatening. It is purely cosmetic, but it is psychologically and emotionally damaging. Accepting there is nothing that can be done, is hard. Yet medicine cannot help much.

So my adventures of finding a cure, included some research and fun in the following areas:

1. Homeopathy - this was a series of sessions, where I talked to a very nice lady about me, my preferences and my lifestyle. Whatever purpose this served, I did enjoy the discussions. I was forced to be conscious about areas of my life, that I had never explored. It was quite intense, but very insightful.

2. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) - this is based on rebalancing the disharmony of the body functions , qi and xue and many other fancy named organs are at the core of this therapy. The practioner examines the tongue, the pulse and a few other body parts and then diagnoses the imbalance and prescribes a little potion to ingest daily. For a number of months, I tried very hard, dauly, to like TCM. I wanted to like it as I found an appreciation of the history and the holistic approach, but it really felt like I was drinking cigarette ash and at some point I was getting a gag reflex even before the first taste. After a few months I stopped.

3. Bach flower therapy - this is based on the theory that dew on flowers retains healing properties of the plant. When this dew is transferred to humans, it can have the same healing effect. I did this once, although I am not sure why.

4. Schuessler cell salts - I can't say I understood this one too well either, but there are 12 possible salts that can be prescribed and taking the one that you are diagnosed as missing, completes the body's constitution somehow. I don't think I got as far as taking them, even though I went through the session and paid excessively for the salt box.

5. Reiki - this is where palm healing transfers universal energy to allow self healing. It is a bit of an odd therapy, but I was curious. I went once.

The results were pretty much zero. In fairness I never gave any of these therapies chance to work, I had a go, but I think I was more intellectually curious than really willing to try it out.

That said I learned a whole lot about me. One thing that the homeopath suggested made sense, she suggested that humans have a need to get things out of the body. Blocking things, be it sadness and emotion, or sweat caused the body to react and reject other things. Her theory, in my case, was that the hair was being pushed out. Her therapies thus included stopping to wear deodorant and crying more. 

In summary, nothing changed about me physically, but something did shift in me mentally, possibly spiritually. I kind of came to thinking that I needed this experience. I needed this condition to grow and become a better person. I started to believe that this hardship was meant for me, just me and as a result the "why me?"question, became the "why not me" answer. (see my July "Why me?" post)

So my experimentation with alternative therapies spanned about a year and it is now over. I am glad I  tried some of these things out, at least I can say I tried. And hereby endeth my story on alternative treatments.

The final part of "My story" will be part four and this will cover the acceptance and my final solutions.

More soon.......

Seasonal indulgence

Mine is pumpkin spiced latte.

I think we should all have one.

What is yours? 

Reason, season or lifetime

I have a friend who as we get to know each other I realize that we have very little in common, we have different beliefs in how to raise our children, we have different practices and rituals at home, our support system is fundamentally different, our preferences in how to get work done are worlds apart and when and how we socially interact is completely opposite.

Some examples, she speaks to her mother multiple times a day, I to mine every few weeks. I prefer to work in teams, her alone. I let my kids make their own mistakes and fail if that is the natural consequence. Whilst she ensures her kids are learning and doing their homework and achieving at the highest levels possible, allowing them access to the best possible schools and education.

To her horror, I also allow my kids to get sunburned so that next time, they will remember themselves to put on the cream. She believes that there is enough hurt in the world, so she prepares them where she has that control, protecting them as they leave the front door.

She gets nervous, maybe even stressed, when she has to deliver something at work with a colleague, I get nervous when there is no one to work with. She expresses her feelings easily and publicy, I do neither very well.

We dress differently, her flowy and bright, me more fitted with splatters of colour. I enjoy high adrenalin sports with good cardio, she prefers more calm and strength building activities. I enjoy wearing makeup and posh dresses, she prefers jogging pants and being "Au natural". She is dependent on her telephone, I chose to not use it if I can avoid.

So why is it that we get on so well, well actually I am not sure but I think it is however quite simple.

We are both interested in human nature. We both see each other as beautiful, from the inside out. We are both caring and kind. We also both believe it is about give and take in relationships and we are no fools. We both protect our worlds fiercely and enjoy the life we have been given. We look for the learning in hardship and firmly believe we are capable of anything we commit to. We are both always searching, her for the sun and me for myself.

I think I was always meant to meet her, but the time had to be right. She would have been too much for me a few years ago and I too uptight for her. I had to be ready for her.

As you read this you will have formed an opinion about which one of us you prefer, which one lives life best. Yet one thing for me is clear. Our friendship was formed by understanding each other, asking about how our decisions were made and why and how this works for them. Neither of us thinks we have got it right, neither judge the other, ever, at all.

I think that's the essence of it, we respect each others choices and learn from them, stealing ideas that could work back at the ranch.

Dear pathfinder, thank you for coming into my life. So which category do we fall into: Reason, season, lifetime. Answer. All.

Sad statistics

I came across some very sad statistics recently. At first I didn't believe them, but when talking to others about them, they concurred and said they knew someone who would have fallen into these numbers.

According to an article in the British paper "The Guardian"' albeit a few years old now, it states 48% of alopecians admitted they had considered suicide. Wow, that is nearly half of the alopecian population. That is huge. It went on to say that 68% stated that their jobs had been destroyed. Finally 40% said their marriages had been disrupted.

These statistics really highlight the despair and sadness of this condition. The depths of darkness people reach and how it impacts their lives and livelihoods.

It is shocking that people feel this way, especially given there is usually no physical health issue at play. However on reflection, I like my friend, believe these statistics to be true.

I personally fall into the other side of the numbers. I am part of the 52% who have not considered suicide, I am part of 32% whose job has not been destroyed and I am absolutely part of the 60% who have not felt a disruption in their marriage.

Clearly there has been impacts on all of the above, I would be lying if I did not admit that. Yet I am fortunate, in that somehow, I have been supported, planful, determined, optimistic, strong, and downright lucky enough, to fall on to the good side of these statistics.

So as I sign off today, have a thought for anyone around you suffering from hairloss. Offer them support, a kind word, whatever seems right. And know, that I will keep on writing, in hope of raising awareness for this condition and being proud of being Bold, Bald and Beautiful.

Have a safe day.

Possible intents

I dapple with yoga. I enjoy the intensity and the intent. I equally enjoy the speed at which any posture and it's difficulty are over. It is a quick and concentrated effort versus a run or a long bike ride. I do however find yoga extremely difficult.  It requires strength and focus, both of which I am seriously lacking!

So as I said, every now and again I go along to a class. As much as I enjoy the stretch and the physical demands, I am also fascinated by the spirituality behind it. The stories and explanations are simply lovely. Dare I say, even inspirational. The thought of inner harmony or practising a discipline which offers physical, mental and emotional strength all in one go, sounds like a good deal to me! The thought of relaxing the mind and turning off the internal TV, even for a matter of minutes, sounds like sheer heaven. So in theory I am bought in.

Anyway, this morning I intended to go to a yoga class. I had freed up the time in my day and thought I would be rolling out my purple mat, one more time.

However I fell at the first hurdle and I didn't go.

Someone asked if I was available at that time and I said, without any hesitation, yes. Why did I agree so quickly? Had I forgotten? Was the request so important? Well no, not really. Was I looking for an excuse? Possibly.

Either way I didn't go.

Later on in the day, I was grumpy with myself. Why hadn't I gone, even when I thought I had wanted to?  My behaviour was really quite lame.  The reason I came up with, was that I had never really committed to going. I had not mentally made this a priority for my day. Basically I had not committed enough. I thought I had, but when it came down to it, I found a reason not to go. Something else was more important. So all that I really had, was a possible intent. And let's face it, possible intent, was never going to happen! Never ever.

Is this why we never get round to doing the things we want to? Is it as simple as committing, I mean really committing, versus having "only" good intentions?

If it is, I am going to stop wasting my time and energy by pretending that I might do something, namely having lots of possible intents.  Instead I am going to make fewer but more real commitments.  Committments that I really will protect fiercely.

Ask me in a few weeks, to see if it has made a difference?

Thanksgiving, downs and other canadianisms

Today is Thanksgiving in my adopted country. So to all my loyal Canadian readers. Happy Thanksgiving!

For those unfamiliar with this holiday, it is a weekend where most English Canadians eat turkey, feast on pumpkin pie and spend time with their families. They come together and have a whole lot of fun.

The tradition stems from that of Harvest Festival, but my recollection of that is very different. Singing in school assemblies and donating a few bits of food to some cause or other, it's just not the same.  In fact, my memories of Harvest Festival are rather dull. Although I can still rattle off a few verses of "We plow the feeds and scatter" if anyone is vaguely interested!

However, here Harvest Festival or Thanksgiving s a real celebration with food galore. It seems rather jolly.

The Americans also have this tradition, but rather than being the second Monday in October, it takes place on the fourth Thursday of November. This strikes me as odd, considering the reasons for celebrating are the same, and the countries are geographically kind of aligned, yet the days are 5/6 weeks apart.  Buy hey, what do I care?

So what else happens on this glorious 3 day Canadian weekend.  Well here comes my next bit of cultural trivia.  The Allouettes are playing their traditional home game on Thanksgiving Monday. Know what I am talking about yet? Well some of you do, but the majority will have no clue. So the Allouettes are the Montreal football team. Now this in itself is complicated. For the Brits, read American football. For the Canadians and Americans read Canadian football. This is definitely not soccer, nor what the English call football.

So what is the difference between American football and Canadian football?
The size of a Canadian pitch is bigger, the end zones and goal posts are thus in different places
There are 11 players in American football and 12 in Canadian
The ball is also of differenent dimensions
There are 4 downs in American and 3 in Canadian and the list goes on.........

So what is my point? Well there isn't one really. Well maybe that culture and traditions are fascinating and today, I just wanted to share with you all, some fun canadianisms, that I have picked up in the least few weeks.

So whatever you are planning, Happy Thanksgiving. I for one are looking forward to having today off, whatever I end up doing.

Now altogether "We plow the fields and scatter, the good seeds on the land, for it is fed and watered, by Gods almighty hand......"