Word of the year

Through many conversations and texts, I know the word of the year has gone a little viral. It seems that many of you have started the tradition and are finding a direction in the process. I love the fact that a few words on a blog, can cause a change in behaviour !!


So as the year draws to a close, it is time for a little reflection and a bit of foresight for 2016.


As a reminder, my word for 2015 was "stable"


Here is the link from January, when I announced it


Word for the Year 2015 - Stable


The word as you can see if you re read by post, came from a place of gratitude. I was happy with my lot in life and wanted more of the same. I felt lucky and blessed.


I commented that I wanted the below

I want my job to remain the same - stable

I want my home to remain the same - stable

I want my fitness level to remain the same - stable

I want my balance of my international travel and being at home to stay the same - stable

I want my relationships with my friends to remain the same - stable

I want my relationships with my family to stay the same - stable

So how did I do?

Well I live in the same house, do the same job, still exercise in way that suits me, I travelled a lot yet did not miss any meaningful events, I have had many a night out and visits with friends and have seen my family plenty. Sure there could be more contact, but I have no regrets and plenty of wonderful memories.

So hereby I claim success.

More importantly though is the impact of the word. It really acted as my compass, when choices were to be made, I called upon the power of the commitment I had made and it guided my choice. It really did. So it is with this knowledge that I start to think about my word for 2016. If it does have the power to drive behavior, then I better pick a good one. Glad I have a few days left.

The importance of cuddles

My girls have always welcomed babysitters. Let's face it they are way more fun than mum and dad. They usually let them have more TV, play games and quite simply have a little more freedom.


We also have a list of beautiful babysitters who adore our girls, so that helps.


A while ago, we left them for the evening in the safe hands of one of these babysitters. On return, she reported all had gone well and the night was as usual.


The next morning, my little one came to our room for her usual morning cuddle and started telling us about the evening. She then said "I don't like it when you go out mummy". I was a little surprised as I know they always enjoy the freedom of the babysitters. When asked why she said "The babysitter doesn't cuddle me the way you do before I go to sleep."


My heart melted.


I have been cuddling her every night before she goes to sleep, for over 8 years now, and if the truth be told, I do it more for me that for her, however in this usual rhythm I had forgotten how precious and amazing the action actually is. That special little cuddle.


So now when I cuddle her closely before the lights go off, I am more present in the moment, I know have a deeper understanding the importance of this small moment to us both.


Nice.

Love is in the air

It must be the draw up to Christmas, but love is in the air.


I am feeling and hearing a lot of gratitude and appreciation for the work people are doing and for the contribution they are having. Be it through Christmas cards, thank you notes, group dinners, love is present.


Anyone else noticing it too?


The cynical part of me, says why do we have to wait til the end of the year to express our thanks to the people around us, and then I think, who cares?


Isn't it wonderful that we do it at least once a year?


So what have you heard from others about what they are grateful to you for? Have you been listening to the positive words people are saying about you? Or did you brush it off? I have a tendency to brush compliments off, but now and I again, I pause and listen and realize that the person giving the gift of gratitude is also getting something from the exchange and me brushing it off, is not very considerate!
This allows me to indulge and be gracious in the receiving of it.


Another question. Have you been showing your gratitude? Is there anyone left that you still need to reach out to and acknowledge their impact on your life?


There is still time.


So if you do nothing else today, grab a pen and paper, draft that email and go thank someone for something wonderful. Go on, do it right away.


It feels great and its contagious.


Go spread the love.

It was simply just fun

A few weeks ago I blogged about a situation we had found ourselves in where we needed help.
It was quite a dark time and we needed to hunker down and huddle together as a family. We brainstormed ideas, talked to specialists and devised a strategy. We even put together a mind map. Pretty eh!

A few weeks later, after multiple reaches out for help and receiving it, we are in a better place. We have made progress.


The signal of the better place came on Friday.
It did not come handed to us on a plate, we had to fight for it, but the gift came.
Through the local authorities we had uncovered a group where teens with difficulties come together. The idea is that cool kids hang out on Friday nights, so why can't kids with difficulties do the same.
Its a group of about 10 kids with a range of challenges, some more extreme than others, but they have one big thing in common. Somehow they don't fit the mold.


They come together and decide what they are going to do, be it bake, go the movies, play sports etc. and in a structured way and with supervision. It's actually a pretty cool agenda.


After coaxing my daughter to attend for a second time, she went along. She really enjoyed the first meeting, but somehow got cold feet as the days passed. So with a bit of gentle persuasion she agreed to try it again. Deep down in my heart of hearts, I wanted this group to work. My gut told me that she would fit in and be loved for who she is. The kids would see in her what we do. A kind, gentle little girl who just needs a safe circle of buddies. A wonderful and fun little girl who likes to joke and laugh but often doesn't find the smile.


As she walked in, the group beamed from ear to ear. Hi Lili one boy shouted, come sit here Lili said the other. Immediately they made space for her at the table and handed her the pens so she could join in the activity. She fit in. She was included.


Three hours later she was collected and was overflowing with excitement. She had loved it.
When I asked her what she loved about it, she said. "It was simply just fun"


And therin lay the magic!

Bookshelf !

Last night as I went home I was staggered to see the below bookshelf in my living room.
It blew me away. It was stunning. And seemingly came from nowhere.

For over a year we had discussed and debated buying or building a bookshelf as we both believe that books are part of our lives and as such should be on show. A room without books kind of misses a soul. So we were on the search for a book shelf to enhance our room.


So after deliberating, we decided we would have one made and we would use existing wood to capture history and the essence of former parts of the house. As far as I was concerned that was a project for 2020...........


You see when our old 70's designed fireplace was ripped out last year and replaced with a more modern glass version, the old oak mantelpiece that hung over the open fire was removed. At the time I asked the fireplace builders to keep the wood and to minimize the damage. I didn't know what I wanted it for, but I knew it would come in handy.


So this weekend, my husband sat at his deck with his ruler, pencil and squared paper and designed a bookshelf. I had recently come across a "book tree" through the internet searching or maybe even on facebook and had sent it to him as a form of inspiration.


Anyway today is Friday and yesterday I took the photo. Basically between Saturday drawing up the plans and ideas, my husband had found a carpenter and mobilized the whole thing!!!


It took 4 days - start to finish.  I would like to think I had some contribution to this in terms of inspiration and motivation, but it in terms of execution and follow through, my husband wins out!!


I am in awe of this piece of art/furniture and hugely impressed with my husbands ability to pull it off in 4 days.


So what project is on your mind? What is stopping you achieving it?
Everyone has a book tree problem waiting to be solved. Are you going to solve your this year?

Hats, hats and more hats

It was like Christmas.

I was so excited to receive this parcel, it really did remind me of a small child on Christmas day, running to the tree to rip open all the wrapping and boxes to see what lay within.

It was a parcel that I had been expecting. I had ordered many coloured hats from my favourite hat seller in the US and they had arrived.

I could barely control myself as I tore into the envelope.

And I was not disappointed.

 

All of them fit and were exactly as I had hoped for. Colourful and bright and able to be matched with many of my outfits.

You see there is joy within Alopecia!! Just not where you would expect to find it.

 

Wet hair

Sunday night used to be bath and hair wash night - remember?

Ok well I wash a little more regular than that, however hair wash is still once a week and usually on a Sunday. Last night was no different.

So I washed and conditioned my hair with the special "second" hair lotions and let it dry in the shower, like usual. However somehow I managed to hang it up slightly differently. As a consequence when I woke this morning, I was dismayed to find that it was still wet! Yikes.

The hair itself had actually dried but the band inside which holds the wig onto the head was still damp. Really nastily damp. This meant I had to wear what felt like a wet dish cloth round my head to go to work. Yak!

I debated my options. Wear a hat. Wear a new wig. Go bald. 

In the end I went for the easy and yet obvious choice. The wet one.

It was awful.

For the first few hours of the day, I felt this squelchy damp ring around my head. really unpleasant. By lunch time I think I had steamed it dry, but for the first few hours of the day, I grinned and bore it.

Of course no one in the meeting room had a clue.

It made me also wonder, what other people had going on to them, that I had no clue about. Surely I was not the only one with a secret.

Sigh, I guess there is no way of knowing.

Oh well its all dry now. Better luck next Sunday!

2.5 lies a day?

I was listening to my podcast this morning and it was an article on lying.
It says the average person lies 2.5 times a day, although older people lie less with around 1.5 lies.
Does that sound familiar?

Of course one can debate, well what exactly constitutes a lie, but surely just by asking that question, we are actually suggesting we do lie, but only slightly.

So I guess if I text someone to say "on my way", when the reality is that I am brushing my teeth just before I leave, this is actully a lie, so maybe 2.5 lies a day is actually not bad at all.

The article suggested women lie, in general, to ensure harmony and social living, whereas as men tend to lie as an exaggeration or a form of bragging. Truth in that?

So today I am going to watch my lies, lets hope I keep under the 2.5!!

Why pink tights matter

It took me till I was 40 to really understand that I was "enough".

I realised literally on my 40th birthday, that I am a good person, I am kind and I have good intent. I work hard and do my best to deliver on my committments. And if that isn't enough for others, lets talk about it, but you know what, it is good enough for me. I am enough!

It took me till 40 to get that.

So last week when asked to open a female leader event, I decided to tell that story.

And I chose to do it wearing pink tights!.

You see pink tights are funky and funny and maybe not very common in a corporate world but they are me, so I wear them with pride.

I wore them with pride that day too and my message was two fold:

1. What are your pink tights and why are you not wearing them?
2. Are you waiting til 40 to be at your best?


I closed the event with a fabulous quote from Dolly Parton. Hope you like it!

Asking for help

A few years ago, I was struggling with a personal issue and it was dragging me down. I remember feeling alone and helpless. A colleague noticed this and would not let me off the hook, she sat with me until I told her what was going on and then she insisted we found a solution together. And you know what I learned from that? Help is out there. You just need to look for it.

I was too proud and too shy to ask for help. I thought I needed to do things on my own. I thought no one could help. I felt I had to own and solve my own problems.

The brainstorming we had at that time changed everything. We came up with new ideas and do you know what, one idea turned the situation around.

The best thing is, that 4 years later, that solution still helps. That idea lives on and the concept that we co-created could not have been found alone. Innovative and sustainable.

So why I am telling this story, well many years later I find myself in a similar situation. My husband and I feel helpless but know we can not just sit there and let life take its course. So remembering the brainstorming back then, we underwent a similar exercise together and came up with many ways to approach the problem.

We decided to try everything, engage everyone, enlist help and persist until things change.

Right now we are in the thick of it, but you know what it feels good. We are in control and helping to find the right outcome. We are not accepting no for an answer and we are not giving up when one door closes.

I feel lucky that I had that colleague (now friend) and I feel lucky that this time I am not letting pride get in the way. I need help and until I get it, I will not give up.

First appearance!

I will spare you the details of why, but I nearly missed something today.

However due to input from wonderful friends, and consistent and gentle persuasion from my hubbie, we made it happen.

Today my 8 year old took part in a concert for the first time. She has been having a flute lesson a week since August, and she is making progress  As a consequence, she was invited to play a part in the concert.

Being unmusical and not having an understanding of the importance of being part of something like this, quite frankly, I struggled rearranging long planned events to ensure she got to play her part.

However things got rearranged and she took part.

Oh my word, what I nearly missed.

I nearly missed a great mummy moment. I was so proud of her standing up there alone, I was shouting (from the inside only) hey everyone, see that girl, she is mine, isn't she amazing.

She truly was. She was the youngest in the event and she was brilliant.

My heart was bursting with pride and my body full of emotion. And that was just me.

She was concentrated, determined, confident and skilled. She oozed serenity and calmness.

She blew us away.

I am so glad I got to be part of this moment. This is one for the memory bank.

Wonderful, wonderful!

Have you seen the pumpkins?

At the weekend, we went to an amusement park. It's a pretty funky one with lots of amazing and spectacular rides. Plenty for the big ones and the small ones.

We are most defintely not early risers on the weekend, we prefer a little bit of a lazier start, with a coffee here, a little read of a book or the paper, and often with pajamas on, however this morning was different.

Given the long queues for the big rollercoasters and the best themed rides, you can expect to wait sometimes up to an hour. However if you stayed overnight, you get access to the park a whole 30 minutes before the public. So that's what we did. We set the alarms for 7am, dragged ourselves to breakfast and got ourselves ready to be at the entrance at 8.25! We were going to the be the first in!

We did it, not even a big drama nor screaming, just laser sharp focus on the goal! We had our rides planned out and the respective routes to maximise the time.We also decided to divide and conquer to ensure we all got to do what we wished without having to stand in a long line.

As expected Daddy and the oldest ran off immediately with the adrenalin pumping, I was also anticipating doing the same, yet I felt a different focus from my youngest.

So we walked into the park and heading to the ride of choice. My pace was fast as we had gotten up early and I wanted to maximise the 30 minutes, but as I was marching past the gardens and the displays, I heard a little voice. "Mummy you're not looking at all the pumpkins, can we stop and look at them"

Seriously??? We got up early to look at pumpkins???????????

Yup, she was completely serious. So that's what we did. We slowed right down and looked at what was right in front of us all the time. Now that was a lesson to me!!

I was so foccused on the next thing that I ignored the present, I ignored what was happening around me and I was teaching my daughter to do the same thing. I was ignoring the beauty of the moment.

So we spent nigh on 15 minutes admiring the displays and you know what, that was just fine!!
The pumpkins were arranged beautifully and they were great to look at.

So what else am I missing?
What else have I walked past?
What are your pumpkin equivalents?

and also, what else can my daughter teach me!!!

Happy pumpkin watching eveyone.

Had enough of this hair

This week I have been at a meeting in the UK. I left home at some ungodly hour on Monday and now its Thursday and I am still not home.
I am not grumbling about the nature of my work as I do love what I do, however its the intensity that gets to me.

You think I am talking about the lack of breaks and downtime, well this time, nope! Its the hair thing again.

Seriously, having to wear a wig from dawn till dusk and do it for 4 days in a row, is quite frankly awful.

My head itches, I feel overheated and sweaty and I feel massively self conscious. When a wig gets tired and needs a wash or a good brush, it tends to stick out at the back. It starts to look very wiggy and very unnatural. I hate this feeling. I constantly feel the need to run my hand over th back of my head to flatten the hair to make it look normal.

I always sit at the back of the room to ensure that I avoid this being spotted.

So as the time comes to an end and I head home, I dont just look forward to my own bed, a hug from the people I love most, but also a chance to take off this goddamn wig.

Sigh!

10 things that make me happy - 9 & 10

This week I have really looked forward to posting these blogs, just the anticipation of capturing what makes me happy has made me happy. Can it be that the act of thinking about happiness can actually trigger it? Who knows, but I hope this weeks musing have given you also some form of reflection and a little pleasure.

So today is the last update as we have now reached 10 and off we go.....

9. Planning. I love a good plan. I really enjoy thinking through an event, it could be a dinner party, a holiday, a day trip or visitors coming. I enjoy thinking it through step by step and planning for all eventualities, which train to take, which food to buy, which bedding to put on. Best of all is of course when the plan gets executed beautifully. I derive a lot of happiness when things go well, especially when the plan was a little complex and the fact that I had thought through these things and planned around them. Yes a good plan makes me happy (probably with a list or two involved too)

10. Seeing my children happy / achieve sucess. When one of the children do something they are proud of, for example play a song on the flute with no mistakes, be part of the school dance routine, when they learn a new skill. When they finish their part and they beam with pride, that makes me happy. When I hear the kids laugh out loud, because they are having fun with a friend, when they are happy, I am happy.

Maybe thats a simple as happiness is, its contagious and the more we play a part in others' happiness, the happier we end up being.

So there we have it. These are my 10. I am sure they will change over time, I can imagine some things come on the list, whilst others come off, but I am sure there remains a thread about what makes us happy.

How has your list come on?

Have you finalised your 10?

Whatever and wherever you are, I send you happy wishes......

10 things that make me happy - 7 & 8

I thought this was going to get harder, however today the ideas came flooding in.

Memories of the things that make me happy keep popping into my head for example, receiving a parcel in the post, lying in bed on a Saturday morning doing nothing, finishing making something like a cake or a even a piece of work. However I am trying not to capture the fleeting momentary happiness but search for deeper ones, possible ones that sustain the feeling, the sensation of happiness. That said one of todays is a little shallow! Oh well.

So here is where I ended up.

7. A great conversation with a friend. In teen years, we called them DMC's - deep and meaningful conversations - and I guess that is the sentiment I am after. I love a good ole chat about things that matter. Best is a conversation where you help each other, feel comfortable to ask pertinent and provacative questions, to further the thinking and the ideas. I can remember many of them. These conversations are good for the soul. You can't plan these chats, as many things need to be at play, mood, environment and openness, and that for two people, but when things come together, these moments are beautiful. They are memorable. Best of all they are moments that can make a difference in your life.

8. Shopping and Looking good. Yes this one is superficial and in no way deep, but its honest. I love buying something that makes me feel special. Whether its a pair of sparkly high heeled shoes (yes my latest purchase) or a nice dress, if its bought with care and deliberation, I love these moments. Its not only the thrill of the purchase, I am also talking about the enjoyment of wearing the articles. I love looking in the mirror and admiring the new things, looking at my reflection and thinking yes that was the look I was after. There is something about how these new beautiful things make you feel. They may make you look prettier on the outside, but what I really like about them is that they give you confidence, they make you walk taller, hold your shoulders back more and overall make you feel great. So yes I gain happiness from new shoes and other such lovely items, especially when they were bought with someone who had fun with you on a happy day outing. 

Last ones tomorrow, are you keeping up?

10 things that make me happy - 5 & 6

So it gets harder to pinpoint the things that make you happy when the obvious ones have been stated, the thinking is longer and more reflective. And this is only with 5 and 6, cant imagine how its going to feel naming 9 and 10.

So here goes with the next two.

5. Going shopping on a weekend for some of our favourite foods and cooking this together. This could be after chosing a new recipe together from our favourite book or just picking some great things up from the supermarket that we intend to cook into something delectable. I enjoy hand picking the healthy ingredients and imaging how it will all come together. This is then followed by the anticipation of  the evening meal and then at some point, we actually start. This can include, music in the background, a glass of home brew, otherwise known as a cooking beer, to accompany the proces and sharing of tasks in the kitchen. The actual eating is also wonderful, but it is the whole process that makes me happy.

6. A view. This needs to be more specific I realise. But really I enjoy a good view. Inspired by this week, it can be a walk in the mountains, where the power and intensity of the surroundings provide peace, serenity and perspective. Yet I equally love the view of a river, a view of a busy shopping street, whilst I savour a warm drink and look on. But I have to confess, my favourite views are the ones where I can walk through and be part of it. Looking around at the colours, breathing in the smells and feeling the varying terrain under my feet, thats what I like. All whilst contemplating lifes little challenges. Yes happiness can be found in these moments.

More tomorrow.....

How is your list going?

10 things that make me happy - 3 & 4

So continuing the theme on what makes me happy I have the next two for todays installments.

3. Enjoying an activity together with my small little family. 

Now this may read easily, but this is not an easy one to achieve. Reason being is that we are a rather social family, so when it comes to weekends and holidays, we tend to be with other families and friends and do things together as a larger group. As wonderful as this, it does not allow my small family to enjoy an activity together, so we have to consciously carve out time, when it is just the four of us, to do something together. The second difficult part of this, is the word "enjoy". With two girls who are four years apart and who relish the idea of spoiling the others fun and to take a contrary and opposing view, it is nigh on impossible to find an activity that is deemed enjoyable by all four family members.  When one wants to go swimming, the other wants to stay home and bake. Yet when the stars align and we find ourselves as an intact family, spending time together, it is a moment of happiness. Rare and treasured.

4. Reading a book  in a cosy spot.

When I conjur up an image for this, it is me curled up on my living room sofa, the fire on and a blanket pulled up over my legs. I would have the possibility of reading for a longer time, and a chance of little interuption. It would of course be a fantastic novel, with interesting characters and a gripping storyline. To top this off, would be a hot cup of tea of coffee and maybe a few nice biscuits in a bowl on the table. This peaceful moment is really a treat and provides a source of happiness. However it could be anywhere and with various constellations, core to the activity is a book and a cosy place with at least 5 minutes of quiet.

Now off to ponder the next two......

10 things that make you happy

My sister was reading over the weekend whilst sitting in our living room. She looked so enviably calm and relaxed in the big red chair that I had to ask what she was reading.

She mentioned that it was a book about a woman whose life was falling apart, so she went on holiday for a week to find and define the things that made her happy.

They had to be specific. So sunshine would not be enough, it had to be a description on what specifically made her happy in the sunshine, where, with whom and doing what.

We began brainstorming our list whilst on our walk and realised it was quite hard. We never completed the list, but got some good ideas of what they could be. It is clear that everyone's list is different.

So this week on holiday I committ to making my list of the things that make me happy.

I will write two a day as I want to think them through and not just pump out a list.

My first two are:

1. Spending my time with my sister. It can be on holiday, going for a day shopping or reading together in a lounge. But spending time with my sister, hearing about what is going on for her and telling her stories from my life is what makes me happy.

2. Having a glass of bubbles or wine with my closest friends. It specifically is the first glass of the evening, where we know we have the whole evening in front of us and that there is a lot to talk about. It is typically in a nice place, where we will not be distracted by too many things, yet often inspired by our surroundings. Yes that makes me very happy.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and I intend to write numbers 3 and 4.

Why don't you join me this week and by Friday we can have own 10 things that make us happy written down. What we then do with this list is something else.

Off to walk up a mountain and ponder a few more!

Happy Monday everyone.

Games and silly stories

I love playing games

I think it has the possibility to bring people together in a new way. Games access our playful side and breakdown the barriers of hierarchy and personal style. The inner child suddenly pops out!

So at a work dinner that had the potential to be a bit formal, dare I stay stuffy, before the starters came, I asked the table of 8, Who wants to play a game?"

They were up for it, if not a little cautious.

At that point, I had no specific game in my mind, I was hoping that something suitable and creative would emerge. Past experience says it usual does.  I allowed my brain to kick in and went with a simple idea that included finding out more about each other, with an element of competition.

The task was, one person had to ask a question like: Who thinks they own the oldest item? Who believes they have the most interesting ancestor? Who has the most useful friend? Who has been part of an unusual / weird relationship?

Then if we believed we were a contender to win the category, we would raise our hand.  Then those people with raised hands, had to tell their stories and then the table would vote who had the best answer to the question.

It was hilarious and we learned so much about each other, often weird and wonderful. We had stories of healers, production line affairs, valuable and portable torsos and shoot downs in bars. It was great fun and to be recommended.

So what is your favourite game?

What do you do when the evening looks like it might be a little dull?

Do tell.....

The dangerous Dyson

So at a conference, the ladies bathrooms are a place of catch-up and news exchange. However todays quick break was filled with other things.

Whilst mid conversation with a colleague, I stuck my wet hands into one of these new Dyson hand dryers. Not only are they super loud, the force with which they blow is impressive. Its like a mini gale!

So much so that as I descended my hands into the machine, my wig blew high into the air. It just about clung on to my head, but the fringe and the sides clearly flew up as high as they could.

My colleague stared and then burst out laughing. She said "Imagine if it had flew off!". It was indeed a hilarious image, my hair being blown off by a Dyson hand dryer! We laughed out loud together for a few minutes!

It was such a nice moment, I was not embarrassed, nor ashamed. I was just able to share in a silly moment with a colleague.

I am so glad she reacted that way, she made it seem normal and funny. 

Well lets face it, it is kind of normal and funny these days.

How nice that time does begin to heal.......

Hibernation

Just like my tortoise, I feel the need to hibernate.

She has been slowing down over the past few days, the night temperature has been dropping and she has been eating less, so all signs that she is ready for a winter snuggle down. So she was measured, photographed and weighed and placed in her sleeping chest in a bed of straw, locked down for the next few months.

I can't say I have been eating less, but I do feel the need to pull the blanket up earlier and closer in the evenings. I feel the pull of the cosiness more than usual.

Maybe humans are meant to hibernate too?

I hope mine is more of a transition to Autumn, but I am feeling a slowness and tiredness as the Summer closes out and the Winter draws in?

Anyone else feeling like this?

Any tips?

The whirr of the sewing machine

It is funny how it all comes back to you.

It's the whirring  of the machine, the sound of the fabric scissors cutting through fabric, the sight of the green quick unpick, the bright coloured pins, the multi-coloured bobbins and the bits of the fraying fabric lying all over the living room  It all conjured up memories of being a teenager when my mum was busy making something magical.

I haven't used a sewing machine for nigh on 20 years, however it all came back in a matter of seconds.  The senses become flooded with those stored away childhood moments, ones I hadn't accessed in years

I recall being encouraged to try things out, new material, new stitches, but always with the eagle eyes and clear direction from my mum. Fond memories. Shame I didn't realise how special it was at the time.

And today it was my turn to be that parent. Nuturing and teaching. Holding the space but ensuring safety and confidence.

My 8 year old has been begging to use the sewing machine so with the eldest out at a theme park, today was the day.

We got out all the tools, lots of thread and any old material. We started early.

Her ambition was scary. It was not about doing a pillow case or a scarf, she wanted to design and then make a handbag with a bottom and sides with applique shapes on the front.

 

I was torn between letting her make her own experience and giving her strong guidance on what works and what doesn't, yet I was keen not to quash any enthusiam through rules and frustration.

It was a wonderful day, with lots of excitement, enthusiam and suprisingly little frustration. 

I was left in awe of her talent and ambition and very keen to see how this all transpires.

Thanks mum for all the teaching, I hope I have passed on the love of the craft to the next generation!

The ideal day

On Sunday, we were faced with the prospect of no plans!

So before we spent the day just hanging around, playing on technology and getting into family fights, I decided to create a plan. I do like a good plan.

So I asked each of the girls to design their ideal day. Like mummy, they like a good list, so they eagerly grabbed a pen and paper and crafted their ideas for the day.

As we progressed through the day we ticked off the activities and without the exception of one thing (which was to write a story) we managed to do everything.

It ended up being a rather pleasant day with fewer fights, limited technology and a whole lot of fun.

If you had a free day, what would  you write on your list?

Who has had the biggest impact on you?

When asked the question who has impacted you most in your life, it's a tough one.

Many people rushed through my head and all of them have merit.
But when challenged with this question, I really wanted to think it through.
Who is it and more importantly why am I chosing them?

After a lot of soul searching I came up with a person.

I am not sure they are the person who has impacted me the most ever, however the impact they have had in my recent life, has been and remains profound.

The bizarre thing is, is that I don't even know their first name!

You see the person I chose is my hairdresser.

She was the lady who showed kindness and empathy at a moment in my life when I felt sad and alone.
She saw I needed help and instead of turning me away, she chose to invite me into her safe salon and give me what I needed in a way that worked for me. Kind yet pragmatic. No fuss yet helpful.

She saw a woman in her early thirties who was losing her hair and was feeling unattractive and very helpless. And with her smile and genuine care, she showed me that beauty can be found very easily. It just needed presence, focus and attention.

She didn't turn me away, she took me in and cared for my head and my soul.

She showed me that you can produce beauty from something seemingly ugly.
All it needed was a sprinkle of care.

For that, I will be eternally greatful.

So who has made an impact on your life?

Non Extended Dinner

I was on a leadership course a week or two ago and it was very intense! I love intense so it was fine.
One exercise that we were asked to conduct was to spontaneously give a speech for 2 mins on a given topic.

I like ambiguity and spontanuity so I got quite excited waiting for my question.

My question was: "What is eternal truth and what does it mean to you and your personal leadership?"

GULP!

As I was walking up to take the hotseat I was thinking, well this is the kind of question that some of my friends and I debate over dinner. Well kind of, but we can get philosophical quickly. So I reassured myself as I walked, that this was a topic that I could handle and should feel confident about. I had done it a million times before, yet usually over a bottle of wine!

So as I began speaking to the small audience as my 2 mins kicked off, the memory of my friends dinners' was on my mind, so instead of talking about eternal truth and my leadership, I instinctively plummeted to tell the story of how this particular of group of friends got together in the first place and the nature of our relationship.

I explained that it was a group of 4 women who over 10 years have grown together through thick and thin, international moves and babies, jobs, no jobs and life events. I explained that the rules of the gathering were clear. Only the same 4 people could attend, it was always at a nice venue, there was 100% committment to come and a at some point in the evening there would be a round table on life scores (1 to 10 on how we are doing). Only brutal honesty was accepted.

I got so passionate about this story and why it mattered and some how, brought it back to eternal truths. Honestly I dont know what I said but somehow I pulled it off.

What was wondeful about these 2 minutes, was how very easily it is to tell a story about something that matters, and in every story there are morals to be told. In my case of honesty, truths, committments and meaningful conversations.

So next time you are faced with a challenge, approach it with a smile and a nice memory. Maybe you will manage to spin a tale just like I did and when doing so, secretly honouring 4 wonderful women!

3 deep breathes

I am not sure how you receive this blog, some of you may have it sent to you via email automatically, others may go to the website and see whats new. However you access my musings, you will be intentionally chosing your time to read a few lines.

My assumption is that you have a few minutes to yourself and are allowing yourself to indulge in a little of something for you.

So today instead of reading, I invite you take three deep breathes. 

Just stop reading, put down your device and breathe deeply three times.

That's it for today.

Enjoy the gift. 

Cycling to Belgium

Each of us tell stories and often we forget them until a memory gets sparked.

I told this story recently and thought it worthy of capturing.

When I was in my early twenties I was living in Germany. I had a nice job and nice life. I was sharing a flat with 3 others and I was living close to my boyfriend (now husband), so we saw each other daily. We had a super bunch of friends, many of whom we are stil very close with, yet somehow I wanted more.

My job was not what I had hoped and I needed new pastures. After taking a few months of French lessons, I decided I wanted to lived in France. Paris was my first thought, but after discussing with my boyfriend, we decided Brussels would be a better choice, as they still speak French there and it was much closer so we could still see each other regulary.

So without much planning, I decided to move. I had very few things, so after handing in my notice on the flat and my job, it was just a case of packing a few bags. I was ready to go.

It seemed so easy.

I remember getting on the train with my bike and heading two hours to Brussels. Looking back how terrible my planning was. I had no job, no where to stay and actually no information on Brussels at all. So little information that I did not know which train stop to get out at - Brussels North Central or South. I had no idea. Yet none of this phased me, I am a born adventurer and this ambuiguity was exciting and not scary. I knew I could work it all out.

That night and the next I stayed in a youth hostel, and then I found a room with a woman and a few cats. It was cheap, nice enough and central. After trailing round a few job agencies within a week I had a temp job as a receptionist and two weeks later I landed another temp job in an office where I ended up staying for 7 years.

I never went back to Germany and my boyfriend moved to Belgium. The rest is history, however this story reminded me of the spirit of adventure that drove me and the courage to leave amazing things behind on the pursuit of more. It was a wonderful life decision.

So what stories do you have that remind you of your strengths, what adventures have you been on that tell the listener about choices you have made. Do tell.......

Living up to being bold

So at 7pm I decided to go down to the hotel lobby wearing my head scarf, I decided that as awkward and hard it was to not wear my wig, it was the right decision to leave it behind.

The scarf was the practical choice and the liberating choice. I kept reminding myself that there was no reason to hide the fact that I wear a wig, that it didn't really matter anway and honestly who actually cared?

So I took all my courage and went to the lobby.

I didnt make eye contact with anyone, I avoided looking at peoples reactions, I kind of slunk into the group and kept a low profile. I felt self conscious, in the first few moments, my insides were crying and I wanted to be swallowed up.

Yet as the minutes passed, conversations sparked up and normality prevailed. I become normal, it become normal. There was no issue. 

Today I went out with colleagues in my head scarf.

Today I was bold, bald and beautiful! 

Panic!

I am sitting in my hotel room at 17.53. I am meeting with a group of Senior Leaders from my company in 7 minutes in the hotel lobby.

We are going on a cycle ride round a city. 

Panic!!!

Do I wear my wig and be hugely uncomfortable for an hour with a helmet on. Worse still its drizzling.

Or do I put on my headscarf and go down with pride.

I am stressed. Confused.

This is a bad alopecia moment!

Agh!!!

The littlest of waves

As the Summer season closes in, routines come back. Music lessons, swim lessons and longer working days. For me also the travelling ramps up.

So today as I was leaving for the airport at 6.30am, I felt sadness in my tummy. I didn't want to leave my family. I didn't want to leave them behind.

Yet I pulled myself out of bed and got ready. 

Before I left the house I woke each of the kiddies up to give them a hug and told them I loved them. They were the sleepiest and warmest cuddles I have ever had. So tight and so full of love. I still feel them on my skin now.

As I jumped into the taxi, I looked up and saw the tiniest of waves. My youngest was at her bedroom window, barely visible. But the little face and waving hand were there to make out.

I was so glad I had looked back to see it. I was then able to smile and wave back.]

This memory fills my heart right now as I have my cup of tea between my hands in the airport lounge.

The warmth is lingering and the sight of the little face and waving hand fills me with gratitude.

I am loved. They are loved. I am so blessed.

Unconsious learning

I was watching a kindergarten class this morning being taught by a policeman how to cross the road. It was very cute. They were being taught to stop, look and listen, before they stepped onto the zebra crossing. It brought a smile to my face.
This is a life skill in so many ways.

It then reminded me of a presentation I saw yesterday, when someone was talking about all the unconscious learning they had had in their lives, for example growing up with parents and grand parents from different nationalities and how that had taught them the value of inclusiveness and sport how it teaches you resilience and patience, along with the actual performance skill aswell.

So every day we are exposed to some form of learning, be it conscious or unconscious.

It is when we are playing an instrument, talking to our kids, reading a book. Learning is everywhere. We just dont always see it.

Those cute little 5 year olds were consciously learning this morning.

Have a think, what did you consciously learn today?

What have your unconscious learnings helped you be good at today?

Who do you want to be?

Three times this week I have been confronted with a decision that was not easy to make.

In many ways these decisions were incredibly simple and could have been answered easily and quickly. Yet I paused before I made each one.


The questions were:

1. Do I have time to go to the gym?

2. Can I cancel that meeting and take my mum to the airport?

3. Can I come in late in order to go for an anniversary breakfast with my husband?

In the cold light of day and with a rationale brain the answer to all of these questions is YES! However under pressure and with seemingly no time to do anything, my answer to each of these is often a big fat NO.

Yet the "No" felt wrong with each of these questions so I paused.

I paused and asked myself one question.

The question I asked was "Who do I want be?"

Interestingly I did not anwer the question with "I want to be the best employee of 2015", instead here are the answers I gave myself:

1. I want to be someone who takes care of themselves (and ideally has a cute bum too :-)!)

2. I want to the best daughter I can be

3. I want to spend time with my husband and celebrate 16 happy years.

To me it came down to what make me whole and what makes me happy. Don't get me wrong when these decisions are made it is very rarely at the cost of my work. This somehow always finds a way to get done, its just that a reshuffle is needed and this can be an effort.

So are  you being who you want to be?

How do you know?

Is there another question that you use to help you keep on track?

Do tell..........

Top Tips for 4 weeks off

This Summer I decided that I would like to take four weeks of holiday with my family.

A few times I have taken 3 weeks, but usually I plump for 2 weeks and spread out the other weeks throughout the year, yet this year I decided to take 4. Not all travellng, just 4 weeks away from the office.

It was inspired by a few things. The first was that my friend took 4 weeks last year and said it was amazing and encouraged me to do the same. I also was granted an extra week of holiday just for this  year as it was 10 years of service, and also I felt I needed to reconnect with my family.

So as I come back, all relaxed and calm from the wonderfully long break, I thought I would share with you my top tips for making this happen.

BBBs tips of taking a month off work

1. Communicate your intent often and to many. This starts to confirm the plan in your own head and with each declaration you actually believe it is true and start to committ.
2. Book 5 weeks off in your work calendar. This allows flexibility to change one of the weeks if work needs you for some days, you can always offer them week 1 or week 5.
3. Ensure you plan your workload so that the big stuff is done before you go.
4. Nominate someone to back you up, so that if something comes up and work need you, you can delegate to someone you completely trust
5. Committ to yourself that you are going to do it.

I don't think I would add more than that, but these 5 things definitely helped me.

So the big question, will I do it again? I think I might!

10 years of wigs

I have been wearing wigs for 10 years now!!

I did not actually know that it had been 10 years, but when I was recently at my special hairdressers, she mentioned that I had bought my first wig from her in 2006.

How time flies.

The experience of buying my first wig verus the three I bought on Friday could not be any different. The comfort level, the calmness, the conversation, the questions I ask, everything is different. Better and different.

I now also look forward to going and see it as a day out. I am no longer afraid of wigs, I am not intimidated by the choice and I always know what I want. I enjoy picking ones with highlights as at least I can benefit from them not growing out and exposing the grey roots hidden beneath!

I am also in and out in less than an hour, that includes trying on numerous styles, picking 2-4 to take home and then having them cut to shape. It is nowadays an enjoyable experience. It shows that time heals.

It's not to say its completely stress free, I always worry that once the hairdresser starts cutting at the style, if I hate it, I still have to buy it. I worry about the people staring at me in the shop, as even though its somewhat visually protected, people are curious. I worry that I will no longer like the style when I get home and yet I still have to wear it. But these fears are small in comparison to what i felt when I started out 10 years ago and these thougths are really just part of the process.

So here's to 10 years of a wonderful hairdresser who has been at my side through this part of the journey and here's to many more! See you next year.

Waiting rooms and kindness

Sitting in a hospital emergency waiting room is thank goodness a new experience.

All is well now so I feel very comfortable posting this.

It makes me realise that my life to date has been very blessed. I have not had to spend time in hospital waiting rooms at all. What a gift I have had. 

There is plenty of time to think and observe and for people like me to write down what I notice. 

The first big thing is that it is calm here. Despite the TV hospital dramas it's not all adrenalin and noise here. It's calm and composed. The medical staff walk at a normal pace, so while purposeful in their steps, they are not running around in a panic. 

The second thing I notice is that everytime the door to the "Shock" room opens, all eyes look up. Everyone is expecting someone or something. We are all hoping for news or status updates. 

I am thankful for the fact that there is a water machine providing cold sparkly water and next to it a vending machine which has not only the usual goodies, but also salads and yogurts. 

I am greatful for every single person who passed us today and offered to help. We were flooded with kindness and support. I hope I would have done the same. 

I am also greatful that I live in a country with exceptional health care, something I have always known and valued. And today have been the benefactor of. 

Thank you for these moments of reflection and good recovery to all those tucked up in hospital beds. 

Domesticity rocks

A cake in the oven, washing on the line, peeling potatoes and listening to Morning Glory by Oasis on a CD! Heaven!

I like this life.

This life of domesticity. 

I look out of the freshly cleaned windows and enjoy the garden.

Could I do this longer? Absolutely.

Much longer? Possibly.

I think I could.

So what would I miss?

The high heels and nice dresses. The coffee chats and office gossip.

The feeling of being someone, beyond wife and mother.

The deadlines and presentations.

The interviews and decisions.

Could I trade it in?

Right now I say yes.

But could I really.

Probably not.

I am good in the office, navigating the political playground and helping decisions be made in the benefit of the people. 

So whilst I enjoy the final few days, I dream a little of another life, but it is a dream. One that I enjoy right now and know it is just a dream. Well for now at least.

Simple things

I can get excited about the simplest of things.

Examples, finishing the pile of washing and seeing it drying on the washing line or organizing a day out with times and entry prices all researched.

It does bring me great pleasure to sit back and admire these things.

I think these tasks give me not only immediate gratification, but they also give me a sense of pride. It's nice to feel good about something, even if it is the laundry or a trip to the cinema.

Do you have simple things in your life that when you do them, you feel good?

How often do you do them?

Do you feel silly about the happiness they give or rather great about it.

Do tell.....

Campervan life

Can you imagine a place where chores are something wonderful rather than a drag?

I find myself saying, "hey let me put the table together"  "Don't worry I will empty the loo", even my youngest said " hey mummy I want to do all the washing up alone tonight, is that okay?".

Chores become the core of the day. They provide structure and shared moments of happiness.

Internet also is rationed.

It is only within metres of the reception area, and yes you do see a number of people crowded around the benches there, even families, but it is an intense 15 minutes and then back to the other life. The one of simplicity, proximity and togetherness.  I have to confess, to publish this blog, I had to cycle a few minutes with my ipad in my handbag after 9pm.......but there was something rather fun about it too. It made my journey very purposeful.

This is the life of campsites.

Dont get me wrong I can be a five star all inclusive princess at the best of times, yet I do like the other side equally. If I am honest it is the stuff in the middle I would rather skip. Paying high prices for average, does annoy me.

Camping however, yes please. It must come from my Girl Guide and scouting days, but I do like it.

Yes the shower sharing is annoying (well not literally sharing, but also not completely private), as is climbing up to bed in the alcove of the campervan, but that seems to be it. Everything else I love!! I am indeed a camper at heart. Well my parents did start their married lives in a caravan after all.

So cheers to camping life and another early night, as there is nothing to do but play cards by candlenight and finish the jigsaw puzzles off.

 Night night.......as I curl over and read my book.

10 past 2

Have you ever noticed that all watch adverts feature their watches with the time ten minutes to two displayed?

What is that all about?

Is it quite simply the best time of day?

Go check your magazines, I am yet to find an exception!

What is it that 10 to 2 suggests?

Does it mean, this is the best time of the day? Is it? Isn't 9.15 better.

Go look and tell me what you find........

Calm, content, relaxed and happy.

From the right side I hear, A5.....miss, L8...miss, C2.....hit. Battleships.  From the other side, One Direction is coming our of the speakers and a dance routine is being practiced. I am somehwehere in the middle, lounging on an orange deck chair soaking it all in, reading an absolutely wonderful novel.

The view in front of me, a stunning lake and in the hills behind it, Neuschwanstein, one of Germanys top attractions. It is in fact said to be the castle the Disney's Magic Kingdom was modelled on. Very possible. The view behind me, a camper van!

I feel fantastic. Calm. Content. Relaxed. Happy.

These are the days that carry us through. These are the days that fill us with memories and energy. Well I say days, but what I really mean is moments. Days are long and carry many moods, conversations and struggles, yet moments like this are what it is all about. A day has many moments and the good ones are treasured. I feel like I am in a picture postcard, I feel so tranquil, I can not imagine anyother way of life.

Everyone is doing something they enjoy, getting pleasure out of and it is happening at a pace and rhythm that is simply quite wonderful.

One more deep breath, in and out........quite simply a lovely moment.

Gossip

I would love to overhear what people say about me and my wig and hats.

"See that girl over there, she is bald?"

"Do you know her, she is wearing a wig"

"What does that girl in the gym, wear a hat?"

"Is that a wig?'

"Does she have cancer?"

I will never get the pleasure of overhearing these comments as that is the nature of gossip and whispering about strangers, but I do have a curiosity about what people say.

Do you ever wonder what people say about you?

Craving routine?

I seem to crave routines?

It sounds a little pathetic doesn't it?

Doesn't it sound like more fun to be spontaneous and go with the flow?

Yet somehow I seem to like looking forward to certain things, for example I like the idea of looking forward to my ice coffee at 3pm on holiday, my pre-dinner cocktail or beer on holiday. Even my morning swim before breakfast on holiday.

I really look forward to doing the same thing every day, even if it is the same thing for only 7 days.

Why is it for my Summer break I also need to have a routine. Shouldn't it be enough to have this for the other 50 weeks of the year?

Clearly not!

I think once I have a simple flow of the day established I can begin to relax and enjoy the moment, I seem to get a lot of pleasure out of anticipating the next few hours activity.

Am I planning my life away or just finding pleasure in the small things?

What about you?

Are you a go with the flow tye of person, or someone who likes a little bit of the same each day, even when it is not required?

Do tell.......

Can you hear with hats on?

I love wearing hats.

I much prefer hats to wigs in my leisure time.

But the downside is that they cover your ears. And as a consequence  you can not hear very well.
You see alopecia hats are designed differently, they need to come down part of your left and right side of the face, in order to drop down at the back and completely cover the neckline. Anyone other hat would leave that part of the head exposed. Not a good look.

So next time you see me wearing my hat, speak a little louder!

What do you need?

I need to sleep.

A lot.

I mean nine hours would be my wish each night.
I believe it keeps me healthy and balanced

What do you need?
How do you ensure you get it?

Transition matters

This year by complete fluke I have managed to have the Friday off work and free of committments before my Summer holiday starts of the Saturday. This is very different from last years scenario, when I rushed through my final meeting, grabbed my half packed bag and the family and raced out of the door, screaming at the family to hurry up to the airport.

As I said I can't take credit for this wonderful planning as it came about by my original idea of having this week off for holiday and deciding last minute not to, hence freeing up my calendar.

This has allowed me to have a glorious and dare I say relaxed week of work, including hanging out with friends for breakfast, lunch and dinner (not all on the same day, but spread out over the week), I met up for swims/floats down the Rhine and even a nice long walk. I have had time to complete my final work tasks, think through the delegation and as I said, have the Friday off to pack and prepare!! Amazing, such zen!

And you know what, this transition time matters. It matters for holidays and it matters when you come into the house from work, so why is it that I don't plan this in?

Have you ever tried to call the kids in from playing and chase them upstairs to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. It's impossible. Why don't they listen?? Well it's because transitions are hard. Moving so quickly from one thing to the next is difficult and the brain takes time to change its path.

So maybe, just maybe, I have learned from this week and next year I will plan in a week of transition.

It's definitely to be recommended!!!

The head breathing

This morning I was running in the forest.

It was warm yet the breeze was pleasant.

It was quite early so not many people were about.

So look what I did.

 

I took off my hat and ran with a naked head.

Wonderful.

My head could breathe and maybe I could a little easier too.

Generosity breeds generosity

Sometimes it is hard to be generous, especially when you are in a bad mood or when you are tired, yet over a few conversations with friends, we all came to the concluision that being generous, results in the generosity being reciproacted.

So if that is true, shouldn't we all be generous all of the time?

We discussed the scenario of going out with the girls for a night out. We love it when our partners say 

"great honey, you deserve a night out, go early, pick a great restaurant and stay out late, dont worry about the kids in the morning, I will get their breakfast ready"

Yet sometimes the response was more like "What again? Make sure you take the bins out before you leave and dont make a noise when you get in"

We were saying if the first scenario played out, we would be more likely to encourage our partners to go out later in the week and reciprocate all the good wishes for their evening. However if the second scenario is what happened, we would be more likely to begrudge them that night out and only relunctantly agree and possibly even grumble, about them leaving us with all the housework.

Have you experienced generosity reaping generousity back??

It's the same in any situation, at work or play.  When you insist on buying your friend an icecream, its very likely they ensure they buy it next time.

So if this theory is true, why aren't we all being generous all of the time?

For the exception when it is not reciproacted, who cares, aren't the other benefits all worth it?

Thoughts anyone?

Artwork and the viewing of oneself

It takes a kids drawing to show you how they see the world. Below see a picture my youngest drew of her family, namely us. Mum, Dad and two girls.

Its absolutely adorable.

I was curious to why I had been portrayed with blonde hair and asked my oldest girl.

She clearly said “ Mummy that is not your hair, it’s a hat!”

Of course it was!

So its funny how I have an image of myself with hair, yet my daughter sees me with a hat on.
And that makes sense, for 90% of her time with me, and for most of her life, I am wearing a hat or a scarf.

Silly that it surprised me, yet it did.

It was just a reminder of the fact that people see us different to how we see ourselves.

It reminded me of a quote I recently read “Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is"

Hope you enjoy the artwork and the reflection on the 6 people!

Grumpy at home - happy at the office?

I hope to heaven I am not the only one with this problem, but I have a skill. Quite a fabulous one I believe.

I can be light, happy and entertaining in the office. Generous and kind. A great listener, patient and thoughtful. Yet my skill is that I can turn this into the exact opposite, just by changing locations.

I get back home and become, grumpy and moody. Impatient and selfish. Rushed and agitated.
Its instantaneous. No preparation needed.

This is really how it is - how awful is that?

Saving the best for work and giving your worst to your family??????

The same goes on weekends, we can be bickering and burdened, yet let another family or friend arrive and the atmosphere improves, we all pull ourselves together and laugh a lot more and ignore the chores and the dirty washing. We become lighter and seeem like a happy and nomral family.

It seems so unfair. I wish it was different. But it often isn't.

I may be exaggerating a little, but I know this to be true for me.

Is it because at home, I can let the guard down and be the real me? Is it because I know at work my home behaviour would be unacceptable? Or is it because I know my family love me unconditionally and I can say how I feel and behave how I want to?

Either way, I need to find a way to bring some of the energy I give at work back into the home. And maybe the cost of doing this, is reducing some of the energy that goes into the workplace.

Thoughts anyone? Please tell me I am not alone.

Tortoises and Hedgehogs

Our back garden is turning into a zoo! And how cool it is becoming.

It all started with the regular late night visits of a hedgehog and later its family. We would sneak into the garden at night and listen to hear any snuffling. Inevitably at one point, our prickly friend the hedgehog would appear. Very cute.

It resulted in my youngest daughter doing her school project/presentation on the subject of hedgehogs, where we researching and learning about hedgehog pregnancies, hibernation and general eating habits. Fascinating I tell you!

From this grew the interest in garden wildlife and low and behold we now have a pet tortoise. She has been christened Tina, but we don’t actually know if she is a girl or not.

 

 

 

She has a wonderful area in the garden which has now become the centrepoint for all visitors. Everyone is intrigued and enjoys watching her pad around and stick out her tongue to get her food. What I have enjoyed the most is watching the kids sit in her compound and talk to her. I think she has become the family therapist. Can't wait for my turn!

There is indeed something very soothing about watching her plod around, purposeful and determined.

For now we enjoy it and at least it has put the decision of a dog off for a while longer!!

Places of energy

At book club this month, the following question was posed.

"Environment is important. Some houses, offices and other places are better to avoid. Places can hold energy, good or bad, and it can rub off on you - this is a powerful truth and not to be treated lightly"

When have you experienced a place with good energy?

We all had thoughts on this and you could see when we named places we felt had good energy, you could see the expressions on peoples faces that they really beleived it. Places like Prague, Rome were mentioned. Faces lit up, smiles cracked, shoulders dropped, it was visceral. You know a place of energy when you expereince it.

My place of energy is my sofa.

It may sound lazy and strange and possibly counter energy, but I beleive it to be true.

Its not the sofa itself. It is where the sofa is, what I can see from there, what I expereince when I sit or lie on it. Its a safe haven for me and one I equate with all that I strive for. Family, wellness and being content.

My sofa is my energy, although Paris aint bad either.

What place have you found energy?

Striving for perfection?

I am not a perfectionist.

At least that is what I would have said til now.

I love pareto's 80 / 20 rule and often claim I am more of a 60 / 40 kind of person.

However recently I have been challenging this assumption, not least because of a comment left on last weeks blog about "being grumpy at home and happy in the office".

The comment made me think twice.  See below.

"First of all bickering and burdened is entirely compatible with happy and normal. We are none of us perfect and the bickering is a way of responding to the burden. What seems less normal is the image of perfection you are painting about your work life - your last sentence may be key to resolving the conundrum."

I began asking myself, what am I striving for? At work and at home. Is it perfection?

I would never have thought it was perfection, yet when I read this comment and thought about the efforts I go to sometimes to do the right thing, to ensure I send that mail, to follow up with that person, to call someone back. I have to admit I go to extreme measures to get most of these things done. Not forgetting that I want to go to the gym and be at home for dinner.

What is it that I am unwilling to let go of?

Is it OK if the laundry is not done?

Is it OK if I reply on Monday to the email I received yesterday?

Is it OK if I skip the gym?

Is it OK if I miss the work dinner?

Is it OK if I don't do everything that I believe is asked or expected of me?

Well of course it is OK in all of these cases, yet I strive to be all of these things to all of these people. What for? Who for? Why is it so important?

Are my expectations unrealistic? 

What if I let a few things go and relax a little more?

I was asked in a course this week, "What would your 95 year old say to you today?"  My answer was "Relax a little more, chill, let some stuff go"

I am not sure how I start about it, but having an intent seems a good way.

What would your 95 year old self say to you?

Do you have a TED talk in you?

I have a TED talk in me.

Do you?

Well lets start with what a TED talk is. TED stands for " Technology, Education, Design" and basically it is a a talk about a subject that is meaningful to the speaker and includes ideas to change the world. In fact their stated purpose is "Ideas worth spreading"

The length of any given speech is max. 18 minutes and it is like a strory which has a beginning, middle and end. They are usually great stories. The ones I am most familiar with are ones on leadership and personal well being, however I know there are a whole range of subjects to interest everyone including science, academics and culture. There are millions of recordings of them on youtube, thus very accessible to everyone.

TED conferences are held across the world in many great locations and hundreds of people desperately try to get tickets. Even the process of getting tickets is interesting. You don't just get them on a first come first served basis, you have to apply for one ticket and state why you want to join the conference and what is it that you bring. You can not buy multiple tickets.

Recently TEDx were in Switzerland and I was lucky enough to get a ticket. It was such an inspiring event in that the speakers were eclectic, fascinating and local. Would highly recommend it.

As I was watching the speakers, I thought to myself, I can do this. I have a TED talk in me.

I believe I could construct a story about "being beautiful in business". It would be a story about unconscious bias in the workplace, diversity and inclusion and ulimately about how hidden conditions like alopecia affect women at work.

So do you have a TED talk in you?

What is your subject?

What makes you special?

Doesn't everyone have something?

The more you speak to people and spend time listening to their stories, the more I realise everyone has something that makes them special.

Do you know what yours is?

What is it that makes you special?

Mine most definitely is my baldness.  I cannot tell you of 3 other women who are bald. I simply do not know them. So when I look around a room full of people, I see no other bald women. But if the truth be told, I do not know what I see.

I see a sea of faces with stories, but I do not know these stories.  I will never know them. If I am lucky I may get to know a few of them over a period of time, but there is no way I will ever get to know them all.
The same way, they will not get to know mine.

Isn't it funny how and when we chose to tell our story. If I think about it, I tell my story to the whole universe via this blog, yet when I meet someone, the chances are that it will take us months before we  even step close to the topic of my alopecia. It's just because we chose when and how we tell our stories. The environment matters, the intimacy matters and the level of interest is central.

So as I looked round the conference participants this week, I was reminded of my baldness and how it makes me special. I thought how lucky am I to be special in this way.

Are you happy to be special in your way?

Changing the question?

I am fascinated by the subject of work life balance.

I enjoy hearing how people manage their time and learning what techniques work for them.

Mainly it is by talking to other women I hear about these insights, but its increasingly a dialogue with my male friends too.

Let's be clear it is a topic for everyone if we are honest. But some people are more vocal than others on their struggles and successes.

On reading a book about how one particular lady set up her business, she introduced the reader to a concept. It was a new concept for me and I liked it.

She said, calculate how many hours you have allotted to your work this week, then ask the question "what will be the best use of my time this week?"   If you are anything like her or me, the question you typically ask is " What do I need to do next?".

The first question forces us to look at the big picture, examine the strategic things that need doing and other question is more like, what do I need to first on my to do list, my list of doing everything.

I think I am going to try this.

I tend to go about my day by ticking things off my list and with a similar frequency, adding things on. I have to also admit, I quite like making lists and imortantly I get a kick out of crossing items out. However I am possibly missing the point here. Or maybe the things I write down should be bigger and bolder and less tactical. 

Do any of you do this?

Any other ideas?

Do tell.....

Lemon Meringue Pie

Lemon meringue pie is so linked to memories for me.

And it is is one of our favourites. Both at home with my parents, both with my kids and all our guests. Its a classic and never disappoints.

It brings up images of my mum in the kitchen whipping up the meringue and getting the peaks really high and soft like snow. It reminds me of my chidhood and happy days. It is such a wonderful cake.

Getting it right is somehow more complicated.

Why is it that I can't blind bake the pastry without burning it?

Why is that my peaks are not rolling hills?

And does the lemon bit need condense milk or not?

What is better simple meringue or Italian meringue with melted sugar tipped in and whipped for 15 mins?

Anyone got a fool proof recipe and method?

What is your favourite childhood food? Do you try and replicate it? 

Do tell......

Embarassed?

We were recently a little pool and were the only family in there.

As it happens I was glad of this lack of population, as I had forgotten to bring along my swim hat and as such had nothing to cover my head in the water.

Had there have been other families or people in the pool, I would have just sat on the side and not gone in, however as it was, I felt I could "go naked" and be bald in the water with my kiddies.

So without too much thinking, I just jumped in and played around with the kiddies.

In general, I never bare my naked head, you see I prefer to wear a hat and keep it covered. It feels right and somehow comfy. So jumping into the water with my bald head exposed, was a little surprising and unusual for my family.

My eldest daughter who is starting to become more aware and conscious of self and others, asked me to put on my hat. I explained that I didn't have it with me. She looked very worried. She did not look comfortable. She pointed out that others may come in and she did not want me to be seen like that.

I explained to her that I didn't mind if others did see my like this and if I was comfortable with this, so should she be.

To be honest, I was not overly comfortable with idea of others coming in and seeing my head "naked" but I pretended I was.  I didn't want her to worry about me. I believe her concern came form a place of protection. She really didn't want others to see me like this.

Was she embarrassed or just trying to protect me?

In the end, I figured it really didn't matter, as the reality is, how can she be comfortable with this if I am not?

As it turned out, no one came into the pool, so all was good.

I guess this stage was new for us all.